The Life of a Teenager

My best friend of eight years, moved to a different state. We’re both the same age, I’m just a couple of months older then her. We enjoyed the same music, and the same style of clothes. After the day we met, we were practically inseparable.

Her reason for leaving, there was nothing here for her.

I always thought that I was something to her, hell we were even going out. Yes, we are both BI. We weren’t going out for long when she told me she was going to move with a couple of her friends, who’d just had a kid. I admit I was ticked off at her, but my only request was that she say good-bye to me before she left.

She didn’t even bother to call.

I woke up at five p.m. the day she left, and waited anxiously by the door for her. Six o-clock, came round and she still hadn’t showed up. I figured she was going to walk through the door any second, so I continued to wait. Eight o-clock came around and I started to panic. I was thinking that I had missed her, that she had showed up earlier, when I was sleeping, and didn’t want to wake me so she left. I was constantly thinking those thoughts, for another hour, till I got a phone call.

It wasn’t her.

It was one of my life long friends, a girl I knew since I was really young. The first thing she told me was that my best friend and girlfriend was gone. When I heard that I was really close to tears, because then it was true, I missed saying good-bye to her. To many thoughts to count started running through my mind, until I heard my name yelled into my ear. She then told me that, she didn’t even bother saying good-bye to the people she’d been living with, and so she asked if she’d dropped by to say good-bye to me. I told her to hold on a moment while I asked one of the people I lived with if my girlfriend had dropped by. When they told me no, a couple of tears slid down my cheek. I thanked them and then told her that no she didn’t. We conversed a little while longer and then hung up.

I went to bed that morning wondering what I did wrong.

She called two months later.

It had been two months since, she left. Two months since she lied, about saying good-bye to me. Two months for me to let my anger grow. I suppose it didn’t help anything since she woke me up. This was the phone conversation.

Her: Hey, what’s up?

Me: Please, tell me you didn’t wake me up for that?

Her: Yes, I’m sorry I wanted to talk to my best friend!

And then she hung up. I went back to bed like nothing happened. I got another call from her, a month later. This call went a lot better then the last but it ended because of the people she’s living with. It wasn’t really long after that, I’d found out she was coming back to state to visit.

I didn’t know how to feel about that.

When she came back into town and I saw her, in my eyes she hadn’t changed. I mean her clothes were of what she would have normally worn, her attitude was the same, really the only difference was the fact that she was wearing an actual hat instead of a beanie. I had so many things I wanted to say to her, so many things I just wanted to do to her, none of them pleasant. Out of all the different scenarios that I played in my head, none of them happened.

“My boyfriend, has the same hat as you.”

That was my great opening line to her. I didn’t say anything that I wanted to, in fact I acted as if everything was fine. Like she hadn’t left for four months, and lied, broke promises she said she would never break. I shut down, lost my nerve, and reverted back to acting like everything was back to the way it used to be. Was I still pissed off at her, hell yeah, but for some odd reason I couldn’t show it.

Till the next night, when some of us went to a local restaurant.

I don’t really remember all of the details, but I remember this.

Me: I’m sorry!

Her: Yeah, well when you can show me your sorry then I’ll believe you.

I got pissed off with that comment and yelled.

Me: WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? GET ON MY KNEES AND BEG?!

To which she replied…

Her: YOU KNOW I DIDN’T COME BACK FOR THIS!

Me: I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT SOONER OR LATER! AND SPEAKING OF THAT! WHY? IF THINGS WERE SO GOOD THERE THEN WHY BOTHER COMING BACK?!

She didn’t say anything, but left shortly after.

When I left the restaurant that night I went back to my place, grabbed some of her things she let me borrow and brought them over to her place. I knocked and she answered the door, I reached into my bag that I brought to carry the movies, and handed them to her. She took them and walked away. I watched her walk away and I felt horrible, but the fight we had earlier wasn’t my fault, and yet she was pissed at me. I did the only thing I could.

“I apologize. I’ll see you later, if you forgive me that is.”

I said that as I turned to leave the house. Next thing I know we’re hugging. Everything was back to normal. We talked for a bit and then I had to leave. I get back home and started talking to one of my house mates.

Me: I hate that I can’t be happy, without her as at least my friend.

Him: You know, I hate that everything is always your fault, even when its hers.

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything.

The conversation died there since he had to get some sleep, cause he had work in the morning. I stayed up a little longer thoughts running through my head, that I couldn’t straighten out. I didn’t get much sleep that night.

She’ll be leaving in about another week. I really want her to stay but she won’t. She says she’ll come back, as in permanently but it wouldn’t be until something else happened. Now I’m sitting here typing all this out and I’m so confused I don’t know what to do. When she left, after saying there’s nothing here for me.

I was hurt, and ticked off. She said nothing was her for her, and we’d been friends for eight years, I was hurt because in my mind that meant she thought our friendship and relationship was nothing to her. I was ticked off because that meant I wasted eight years of my life, being with someone who didn’t even give a damn.

Even though I know she’s leaving again, I can’t help but feel as if we are back in the past where we were laughing or fighting over nothing. I’m going to get hurt again, when she leaves because I’ve let myself get caught up in the idea of her never leaving again.

It’s going to hurt worse this time around isn’t it?