He Won't Be Coming Home

"Mom... mom! Wake up!" I heard called to me, as I was shaken lightly. I groaned and rolled over only my back, opening my eyes slightly. "Come on!" came Alex's cheerful little voice as he peered at me from my bedside. I glanced over at the clock; it read 6:23 in the morning.

"What is it bud?" I asked groggily as I picked my head up off the pillows.

"Don't you remember?! Uncle Brian is taking me fishing today for my birthday! You gotta get ready so we can go!" he chirped.

I laughed at his happy disposition. "Happy Birthday my dear, but sweetie, Uncle Brian's not taking us fishing until later. Now let mommy sleep, okay?" I asked, and then closed my eyes. I heard Alex sigh, and opened them again. The cheerfulness had dissappeared from his face. "What's wrong sweetie?" I asked, sitting up.

"... Do you get lonely without Dad here?" Alex asked solemnly.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you sleep with Dad at night.. and that big bed looks empty when he's not here."

I looked down at my son. He really was missing his dad.

"Yeah... I am lonely. I miss your father just as much as you do. Do you wanna come keep me company up here?" I asked after a moment's silence. Alex nodded and I moved over so he could climb up next to me. I laid back with Alex snuggled under my arm for a couple minutes before he wiggled out of my grasp and turned to reach across my body. He grabbed Matt's pillow and pulled it tightly to his body as he laid down next to me again. He did exactly what I did every night. Matt's scent had started to wear off awhile back - he'd already been gone in Iraq for a little over a month and a half and I'd worn the scent out from holding it each night - so I'd started spraying it every few days with the cologne he always wore.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Alex spoke up. "The war's not gonna keep Dad there forever, is it?" he mumbled hopefully, his head resting against the pillow he was holding onto for dear life.

I ran my fingers through his brown hair softly. "I hope not sweetie," I whispered, and I kissed the top of his head as he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

I, on the other hand, laid awake for a couple more hours before Alex was up and awake again. "So, you ready to go fishing?" I asked quietly with a smile as Alex yawned.

A smile instantly came to his lips, and his eyes sparkled. "Yeah!" he yelled and got up to start jumping on the bed. "I'm going fi-shing," he sang as he jumped.

I laughed quietly at him. "Shh... baby, you don't wanna wake up Auntie Sarah do you?"

"Don't worry, I'm already awake," I heard from the doorway. Alex jumped and landed on his knees as we both looked over at Sarah.

"Did you just wake up?"

"No... I couldn't sleep so I've been up for about an hour. I had a ... really bad dream about Zacky," she said, and even from where I was I could see her eyes glistening.

"Alex, why don't you go get some cereal and watch cartoons downstairs," I suggested.

"Okay," he said, and I kissed his cheek before he bounded out of the room and down the hall.

"How bad was it?" I asked as I motioned Sarah over to me. The first few streams of tears had already tumbled down her cheeks.

"H-he... died," she siad, and sat down slowly next to me. It wasn't just the dream that was making her tear up - she was very pregnant by then and I knew her emotions were going crazy on her as well.

"Sssh... come here," I whispered, and I placed my arm around her. "It's gonna be alright... you'll see."

She sniffled. "I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks... I'm scared something's gone wrong," she sobbed.

"I haven't heard from Matt either... I'm sure they're fine. The mail's just probably backed up at the post office," I tried to reason not only with Sarah but also with myself.

After a few moments, Sarah had started to calm down considerably. "Well, we'd best get ready... it's almost ten, and Brian said he'd come by at eleven to go fishing," I said, and Sarah nodded.

A knock came on the front door, and Alex jumped up to go get it. "Alex! What did I tell you about opening the door to people!?" I called after him, but he ignored me in his excitement and tossed it open, his face lighting up.

"Uncle Brian!"

"Heyo," Brian chuckled as he walked through the door, Kate on his heels. "You ready to go learn how to fish?"

"Yeah! I wanna go fast on the boat!" Alex said, and he started jumping up and down on the spot. "Aunt Katie, are you going fishing on the boat too?"

Kate smiled and knelt down so she and Alex were face to face. "Yes I am, and you know what?" she asked, and Alex shook his head 'no'. She motioned for him to lean closer, and he did. "I'm sure if you ask... Uncle Brian will let you drive his boat," she whispered, loud enough for the rest of us to hear.

Alex gasped. "Really!?" Kate nodded and Alex turned to me. "Come on, Mom, let's go! I wanna drive the boat!"

I chuckled. "You go on ahead... I gotta help Sarah okay?" I asked, and he nodded, running out the front door, Brian following him at a walk.

Soon we were all in Brian's SUV, the boat trailer attached to the back of it. We were going to a lake Brian knew of and had fished at before, back when everyone was still together. Before the war made it's way into our lives. We'd all gone fishing at this lake when we were younger.

Not much longer after we'd left, we arrived, and the boat was loaded down to the water and we all got on. "Can I drive it?" Alex asked. Brian took a seat in the driver's spot, and patted his lap.

"Come here, I'll let you steer us," he said, and Alex got up into his lap. Kate, Sarah, and I all got situated on the speed boat, all the fishing gear was in place, and Brian started the engine. He accellerated us a little, and Alex began to steer, going where Brian told him to go. Once we were in the middle of the lake, Brian cut the engine.

Alex got up off his lap and Brian then came to the back of the boat where us girls were so he could drop the anchor. He gave Kate a sweet little kiss on the cheek, and then made his way back up toward Alex. I just sat there and watched. It was the happiest Alex had been since Matt had left, and his happiness in turn made me happy in such dark times as those.

"Alright, now," Brian started, leading Alex over to the fishing rods and tackles boxes. He crouched down and looked at my son, who looked expectantly back at him. "This is your pole," he said, pointing at the smallest fishing rod I'd brought just for this very reason. "Do you want to bait it, or should I?"

"What's bait?" Alex asked innocently. Brian smiled and chuckled a little to himself.

"Bait is what we put on the hook to catch the fish. In this case it's a worm," Brian replied, pulling out a styrofoam cup from the tackle box, removing its lid. Alex reached in and grabbed a worm, holding it between two of his fingers. I watched as Brian grabbed Alex's fishing pole. "Now... lemme see that and I'll show yo uhow to do it the first time," he said, and with that, he took the worm from Alex and double-baited it so it wouldn't fall off. "Now, you gotta be careful of this hook, alright? It's sharp and it hurts," Brian explained. Alex nodded his head once adn then Brian stood up.

"Now, to cast off, you press in this button here and hold it down, and then snap the rod and let it fly. Then you let go of the button, okay?"

Alex nodded again, did exactly as he was instructed to do, and then turned his head to me. "Mom, did you see that!?"

I smiled. "Yes, I sure did. That was good," I replied, and Alex then turned back to the water while Brian continued to instruct him on what to do and when.

My mind began to wander like I was afraid it might have. Not only was that very day Alex's birthday, but it was also the anniversary of the day Matt and I met, twelve years ago, when both of us were seventeen. I remembered that day as if it was yesterday. I glanced over at Kate, who was talking to Sarah about something I hadn't been paying attention to. Kate was the person I had to thank for why Matt and I even came to know each other. All because she was so very persistant that that fateful day.


I sat in the window seat in my room, looking out the window at the gloomy sky, which mirrored my current mood. I sighed to myself and just took in the silence around me. I'd have been crying if I had anymore tears left to cry.

I jumped in place, startled when I heard my door creak open. I looked over and saw my fat tabby cat coming over to me, having nudged the door to gain entry. He pranced right over to me and jumped up into my lap, purring instantly. I scratched behind his ears and the smallest of smiles came to my face when his eyes closed in satisfaction. I sighed again as his eyes opened slowly.

"Why are all guys douchebags?" I mumbled to him, to which I received a purr in response. "They all suck."

I looked back out the window, stroking my cat's fur as he continued to purr in my lap. The phone in my room started to ring, but I couldn't be bothered with getting up to answer it so I let it ring. If it was for me, my mom would let me know.

Almost as if she was on cue, my mother came and knocked on my door. "Jay, sweetie, the phone's for you. It's Kate," she said, pushing the door open as she came in with the cordless phone in hand. I reached out and she handed it over; Kate was my best friend who I went to school with where I lived in Long Beach.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked in a perky voice.

I sighed. "Not much... What's up with you?" I asked back casually.

"Well, there's this party down in Huntington that Brian is taking me to so I can finally meet his friends and-"

"I'm not going... Eventalking about guys makes me depressed and pissed off at the same time," I butted in.

"... Jay, what happened?"

"Men are douchebags. I waste two years of my life on one for nothing. I mean, I know it's just high school and all but it still blows," I said, another sigh escaping my lips at the end of the sentence.

"Awh, Jayvee... Bobby broke up with you? I'm so sorry," Kate replied, the perkiness instantly gone from her voice.

"Yeah, so am I..." I mumbled again.

"Well... before you completely dismiss the idea, I really think you should go to this party with me. Because, frankly, the guys here are skeevy douches," she said, and I chuckled. "But this is Huntington Beach we're talking about.And Brian's friends. I mean... hot boys always hang out with other hot boys.... so just imagine what his friends are like.Please will you go wtih me? You'll have fun and I promise Bobby will be the last thing on your mind."

"I dunno..." I hesitated. Huntington was a good half hour down the coast, and I didn't even know if my mother would let me go out.

"Please? Brian's gonna be here in a couple minutes and I kinda already told him you would be coming along and he'll be a little disappointed that he drove all the way here from Huntington and back with one less passenger," Kate pleaded in one breath.

"Alright, alright. I'll go ask my mom," I said, and then headed down the stairs. "Mom, can I go with Kate and her boyfriend down to Huntington for the night?"

"Sure... you seem a little blue. Go have some fun, sweetie," she smiled from the sofa where she and my father were watching Law & Order.

"Okay," I said back into the phone. "She said I can go."

The rest of the details were set and in a few minutes Brian's car was in the driveway. I went out to them, and Brian started to drive back to his hometown.

"So where is this party?" I asked.

"My friend Jimmy's place, since he's the only one that doesn't live with his parents," Brian replied and then we all just made idle chatter til we arrived at the place.

"I promise you, you'll have a good time," Kate reassured with a sweet smile as she turned around in her seat. We got out of the car and headed into the small one-story house, which was already overflowing with people.

Kate and Brian made the rounds, introducing both Kate and myself to "Zacky", "Jimmy", and telling me of a "Matt, who is currently among the missing." I was told he was tall and muscley for being just seventeen, and that he was really hard to miss. I didn't really know what to do at this party, so I just decided to hang out with Kate, Brian, and his friends for awhile until I excused myself to the bathroom.

After searching for the room for a good couple of minutes, I finally found it. But the door was closed, and the lights were on. I knocked a few times but heard no answer, so I opened the door since it wasn't locked. When I peeked my head in, I saw someone sitting on the floor, knees up to his chest with his arms wrapped around and his head down. He looked up as I entered and I was met with probably the most handsome face I'd ever seen on anyone before. He had piercing hazel eyes and a strong-looking face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here," I apologized, and stopped my entry.

"It's alright," came the gravelly voice of my new companion. "I wasn't really using anything but the floor anywyas," he said, faking a smile.

"Well, I'm Jayvee," I said as I put down the lid on the toilet seat so I could have a place to sit. This boy.... man.... was sat right next to me, and he stuck out a hand.

"I'm Matt," he replied, and I took his hand in my own.

"So... why are you in here and not out there? Your friends were looking for you, and I was told to keep an eye out for a tall muscley looking guy by the name of Matt. Well, you're a Matt, you look muscley enough to me... but I don't know if you're tall or not since your'e sitting down.... but I think I might have found the one they want," I said, smiling down at him. I received one in return, one that was a little more real.

"I just didn't feel like being out there. I don't wanna ruin their fun by being all depressing and shit," he replied, and then looked down at the floor.

"...What happened?" I hesitantly asked. Matt sighed.

"My girlfriend dumped me last night..."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"She was a whore anyways," he joked a little with himself.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I know how you feel. My douchebag boyfriend broke up with me about seven hours ago," I said, consulting my watch for the time.

"Weird," Matt said.

"What is?"

"Well, I can never understand why it always happens to the pretty girls..." he said afterwards, diverting his eyes from mine. I felt a tinge of color coming to my cheeks, and I looked down at my hands as well. The silence came at once after that.

"Oh, do you actually need the bathroom?" Matt asked as he stood up. Hewas tall.

"Kinda, I guess," I shrugged, standing up as well.

"Oh... Okay, well, I'll get out of here then and I guess I'll see you out there," Matt said, pointing over his shoulder at the door.

"Okay," I smiled, and gave a little wave as he stepped out of the room and closed the door.

I ended up giving Matt my number that night, feeling foolish afterwards until he called a few days later, saying he'd been staring at the phone for days trying to get the courage to call me. The rest, after that, was history.

"Momma!" Alex shrieked, and I was startled as I looked to the front of the boat.

"Whoa, looks like you got something there. Quick, real it in fast!" Brian said, getting up next to my son.

"I'm trying... it's too... heavy," Alex groaned. "Help!"

Brian smiled and took the small rod in his hands, reeling it in easily. Soon, the fish was out of the water, flopping around in the air.

"What is it Uncle Brian?" Alex asked as he looked at it with wide eyes.

"It's a sunny. Good job, you just caught your first fish," Brian smiled. He grabbed the fishing line in one hand and the fish in the other. He got down on his knees to show Alex (who'd not yet inherited his tallness from Matt).

"He's hurting," Alex said sadly. "Fix him."

I chuckled to myself as Brian unhooked the fish from the line. "Do you wanna touch him before I throw him back in the water?"

Alex nodded and reached a finger out, stroking the slimy skin of the fish. He smiled and looked at me. "He's gooey, mom." He laughed, and I nodded.

Brian stepped to the edge of the boat, Alex right behind him, and slid the fish back into the water. "Bye fishy!"

"Ooh..."

I looked over at Sarah after hearing the noise come from her, and she had her eyebrows furrowed up as she placed her hand on her stomach.

"What's wrong?" I asked, moving a little closer to her in my chair. Kate and Brian were all looking her way with concern etched on their faces.

"Nothing... nothing. She's just kicking is all," Sarah said, a smile coming to her face. "You wanna feel?" she asked, looking at me. I smiled and she took my hand, placing it on the spot she wanted and pressing into her stomach. I stayed still a moment, and then felt a dull thump against my fingers. I pulled back and squealed with glee.

"Guess, feel that! It's so cool," I said excitedly, and I watched as Kate and Brian and even little Alex got to feel the baby kicking. And then I started to think of my own baby growing inside me. I smiled down at my stomach that was still very unnoticeable, being I was only about a month and a half along. I was so excited to be having another baby, I was just hoping that my next child would have a father figure there from the moment it was born, which I knew Matt couldn't even begin to promise. I signed and looked out at the water of the lake. It seemed that every time I got Matt's current situation off my mind, something triggered it to come back. I was completely powerless when it came to the toughts running through my head. All I could do was hope for the best and pray Matt and Zacky came home safely.