The Square Root

Monday, I kept quiet and Ryan did his usual hugging me and giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Morning, you,” he smiled at me.

“Morning,” I mumbled.

“You okay?”

“Peachy,” I said. I started walking towards my class when he took my books from me.

“Still sore?”

“Kind of,” I lied. “I'm in really bad shape,” I told him monotonously.

“Oh, well, don’t force yourself. You might strain it,” he told me.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Can I get my books back?” I asked and he handed them to me and I walked into my class without even taking another glance at him.

The day was boring, and I hung out with him after school, and he started talking about his mystery girl. “God Hazelyn, she’s so amazing. She’s the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever laid my eyes on and fuck, she drives me crazy.”

“You should tell your bestfriend who she is,” I said halfheartedly. I mean, bestfriends have to be supportive right? Even though it hurts?

“But you’ll tell her,” he said.

“Do I know her?”

“I’m not telling you, it would be easy to figure out!” he pouted.

“What does she look like?”

“She’s beautiful.”

“That narrows it down to a quarter of the world’s population!” I complained. Have you ever been so irritated you wanted to cry? That’s exactly how I felt at that moment.

“Exactly,” he grinned. “I’m gonna go work out now. I have training in 2 weeks for the season,” he said. I nodded and waved him off. When he was out of sight, I brought my face to my hands.

“Stupid Hazelyn. Dumb Hazelyn. Falling for your bestfriend. Dumb!” I muttered to myself.

“No wonder,” Kyle said from behind me.

“You didn’t hear anything did you?” I asked him nervoysly.

“If you didn’t want me to, then no,” he grinned sitting in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“Hazelyn, I really don’t mind. I just want you to be happy,” he told me. “Plus it was kind of obvious already,” he smirked.

“This is stupid,” I told him. “I’m so dumb,” I frowned.

“No its not. Feelings aren’t stupid,” he defended.

“I guess, but its driving me ballistic! I'm not supposed to be feeling like this. I feel like I hit this huge brick wall and realized that I do like him,” I mumbled.

“Don’t worry, I’m not telling anybody,” he assured pulling my hands away from my face. I softly smiled at him. “You never know, he might feel the same way,” he told me.

“He likes somebody else,” I said sadly. He gave me a sympathetic look and squeezed my hand.

“His loss,” he chuckled.

“Thanks. That makes me feel better,” I chuckled sarcastically.

That night, Ryan called me again. It was part of a daily routine. He’d call me in the morning to make sure that I’m up, and would threaten me to come over and drag me out of bed if I don’t get up - and at night, he’d call just to talk, and if he’s busy, he’d call just to say goodnight.

My brothers have been putting me in close watch, and it’s been driving me insane. Though, its still really funny. They would invite me for dinner and we’d have the usual crazy dinner, but with Stephanie (thank goodness I’m not the only girl!) They text me random stuff which get me in trouble in class since I’d bust out laughing out of nowhere. They’d get so paranoid that it’s hilarious.

I’ve been texting Kyle and updating him and stuff, and he’s been a great help. He’s been giving me encouragement and assurance, and would make me feel better about myself when Ryan talks about this mystery girl of his (making me feel a worthless piece of shit).

Luke and I have been keeping in touch too. They’ve been giving me updates about the snow and how much progress they’re making. The guy was hilarious. He told me that he hoped Ryan and I were still there so he didn’t feel so young compared to everybody.

“What’s up with you?” I asked Ryan while we were in PA. He was being mopey and depressed.

“Nothing,” he mumbled.

“Fucking Lies Dolciani,” I mumbled. “Don’t lie to me.”

“Seriously,” he sighed.

“You know that you can tell me anything, right? And that I’d try to help out to make things better?” I asked him

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “But I don’t think you can help out in this one.”

“If I don’t know what’s wrong, how can I make it right?” I asked him. He just stared at me for a second.

“It’s her,” he said.

“Oh…,” I hate this topic, honestly. But I stay true to my word. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, she’s been kind of off lately,” he mumbled.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I think she likes someone else,” he frowned. Join the club, buddy.

“What makes you say that?” I shouldn’t be giving myself false hope.

“Nothing, never mind. I’ll call you later,” he said and dashed out of the theater when the bell rang. I sighed and imagined that he would be hanging out with her and I’d be alone in my room again, eating ice cream and watching chick flicks.

I’m still receiving those Wednesday dozen of flowers. It’s been the 3rd week now. The 2nd dozen was different colored tulips. The note said:



And the most recent one was of half burgundy a dozen and the other half lavender roses. There was anther note with it.



I really needed to find out who’s sending these. And just like every week, I found it on the hood of my car. Trisha had been sending me death glares, and she just got promoted to head cheerleader. Awesome right? Note the sarcasm.

Several times during lunch, I’d see Ryan staring and I’d stare back for a few moments, but when I see that twinkle in his eyes, it makes me look away and I realize that I’m not the one giving him that feeling. It’s driving me insane. I looked at Kyle who sent an encouraging smile my way, which I happily returned. Ryan got up and walked away without a word.

Friday night, I was sitting in my living room again, all alone. Again. “Fuck this, my love life is all based on romance novels and movies,” I grumbled and put down my ice cream, and went up to my room to change. I grabbed the keys to my car along with my cell phone and wallet and drove aimlessly around.

I then again ended up at Santa Monica pier, where teenagers hanging out. I checked my phone to look at the time, and I was surprised to see it was only 7. I frowned and walked around the pier.

I ended up getting some pop corn and sat on one of the benches. I looked at the couples walking around their hands intertwined, their sharing of popcorn and cotton candy. Guys winning stuff for the girls, then the cloud nine expressions on the girl’s faces. I found myself smiling at them and sighed. “It’s only up to watching them huh?” I chuckled sarcastically to myself. I rolled my eyes and scanned the crowd again. I saw a familiar face and when I recognized it, I quickly put my hood on trying to not attract attention.

They were seated on the other bench, diagonal from me. He was facing a girl, her hair long and straight and he looked at her with that twinkle in his eyes. It was a punch in the gut. “Hazelyn, don’t do this,” I grumbled to myself, but stood up anyways and walked with the flow of the people, sitting down on the bench near enough to see a side-view of both their faces.

She was very pretty from the side, she had a nice body structure, her face was so feminine and indescribable. I was jealous of her from the moment I saw her. She looked familiar. I’ve probably seen her from Kyle’s party or Ryan’s parents’ party.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but through the gestures, he looked like he was saying something to her. He took a piece of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, then cupped her face. He looked like he was to lean into her for a kiss but I didn’t stay for too long. I dashed out of there and left them, tears streaming down my face.

It was bad enough listening to him about her, but even worse seeing it in action. It was like I was hoping that if I didn’t see her physically, she didn’t exist. I guess I was wrong. I went back to my house and started listening to music to get my mind off it.

I was in my fun room, blasting “Like A G6,” and moving my body to the beat, trying to make a dance routine for it. After the song, the song “La la” by The Cab started playing, making me sigh.

“Stupid song,” I mumbled but thought it was catchy, so I just swayed my hips to the beat. Ryan was there smirking at me. Did he just see me dancing like an idiot?

“You don’t like it so let’s change it, up shall we?” he suggested and grabbed the guitar form the corner, and started singing with his melodic voice.

It started with your hips
So i moved up to your lips
Let's take a chance,
Ask for a dance
Cuz you're the cutest thing on this side of the world

We call our homes
Yet I feel so all alone
Have of the time we gotta live with what we got
But I got nothin
So I pray you'll take my hand
So we can conjure up with somethin rad

If you could move on with your whole life,
Just like you do
Just like you shoobeedo-do-do
and you could make everything alright
And i want you to
Because ever since the first dance
all I thought about is loving on you

So I moved to the dance floor
With instincts and nothing more
I had ants in my pants
I did the boogie dance
and there was nothing to do but laugh

So I made another leap
Hoping to sweep you off your feet
I said,
baby, maybe we could bust this joint
and see if my place is open to chill

If you could move on with your whole life,
Just like you do
Just like you shoobeedo-do-do
and you could make everything alright
And i want you to
Because ever since the first dance
all I thought about is loving on you

He sang, walking around me and I wanted to laugh at his silliness, but after that scene that I witnessed, I couldn’t get myself to. He stopped in front of me and sheepishly grinned. “Like it?” he asked with a smirk on his lips and catching his breath. I gave him a half smile and shrugged. He then walked to my laptop, playing a song. I Choose You. It was the song that we danced to at the Valentine’s Day dance. Why do I remember that? I had no idea. I think I need to stop with the self denying crap.

He walked up to me, putting my arms around his neck and putting his on my hips. I would’ve resisted, but this is probably the closest I’d get to him. “Whenever you feel like dancing, you don’t have to dance alone,” he chuckled quoting a line from the song. I just rolled my eyes at him and we stood there dancing to the song. “Remember the first time we danced?” he asked. I remembered very clearly, but I gave him a confused look. “Kyle’s party?” he chuckled.

“Oh.. yeah, don’t remind me,” I sighed.

“Hey, at least I was there to save the day,” he chuckled. I playfully smacked his chest, but he grabbed my hand and put it back around his neck. I rolled and gave a half smile because of his conceitedness. “Did you mean it?” he asked.

“Mean what?”

“That I ruined your day?”

I thought about it for a minute. “You really think I’d be bestfriends with you if you ruin my day?” I sighed, and he beamed at me. I chuckled lightly.

“I miss the sound of your laugh,” he told me. I don’t know what I was supposed to say to that, so I stayed quiet. “Remember the Valentines day dance when you were mad at me?” he asked.

“Yeah, because you were telling me not to go to the dance with Kyle,” I told him.

He chuckled. “I was just scared,” he told me seriously.

“Scared of what?”

“That he’ll take you away from me,” he pouted.

I chuckled at this. “You do know that nobody can ever replace you, right?” and it was the truth.

He beamed, then smirked. “Of course, I’m irreplaceable,” he chuckled.

“I forgot my bestfriend’s conceited,” I mumbled. The music changed into “Lovesick fool” by The Cab. “So, you weren't exactly yourself for the past few days…” I pointed out.

“Yeah, sorry about that. So much going on,” he muttered.

“Oh…”

“So, are you and Kyle back together?” he asked. I laughed genuinely. “What’s so funny?” he asked, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion.

“No, we’re not,” I chuckled. “Where would you get that idea?”

“I was gonna get something from my locker, when I saw you talking to Kyle, and you guys looked like you were in deep conversation and stuff,” he said. I hope he didn’t hear anything.

“Oh, no. That was just a closure thing,” I lied. He glared at me, knowing I lied but he didn’t point it out. “And I was talking to him about something,” I said.

“About?”

“Things that were on my mind,” I honestly said.

“Couldn’t you tell me?”

“Its nothing, it wasn’t important. Plus, you’ve got a lot going on,” I told him.

“I’ll always make time for you,” he assured me.

“I’ll remember that next time,” I smiled at him. Though I don’t think I’d be talking to him about the guy I like, which is him. The song then changed into “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.

“So, uhm… you wanna go to dinner next Saturday?” he asked me.

I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, what’s up?” I asked him.

“Oh nothing, just stuff,” he said.

“Okay then,” I nodded.

“Have you been crying?” he asked me.

“Crying?” I asked. “Oh, uhm. You know. Chick flicks,” I mumbled. He laughed. “What? A girl can't cry during movies?” I frowned.

“I just didn’t expect you to cry during movies,” he chuckled. I playfully slapped his chest. “Hey hey hey,” he chuckled, letting go of me and putting on a more upbeat song, and started to dance.

“Can you not? It’s an eyesore,” I teased. He raised an eyebrow at me and we just ran around the house having a tickle fight. Well, he was chasing me around. I ran into my room and attempted to lock the door, but he pushed it open before I could close it. I ran inside and he tackled me to my bed. I let out a girly shriek and he tickled me.

“Oh… my…. God! S-stop! I- c-can't- br-eathe!” I shouted between laughter. I tried to tickle him too, but he just grabbed my wrist and pinned me to my bed and I blew my hair out of my face.

“Now, is my dancing an eyesore?” he asked me.

“Yup,” I chuckled.

He leaned closer to my face. “Is it really?” he asked me, his breath brushing onto my face. Minty.

“Uhuh,” I beamed.

He leaned even closer until I could feel his breathing against my lips. “Is it?” he whispered.

“I uh…,” then my phone rang. I rolled from underneath him and grabbed my phone. Tristan, you’re a life saver.