Running on Adrenaline

When I woke up, it wasn’t where I fell asleep, I was in the backseat of my car and the road under me was moving. I sat up and furrowed my brows.

“I fell asleep in Erin’s room” I spoke allowed.

“And I walked you to the car” my mum reminded me.

“No you didn’t”

“Must’ve been sleep walking, just go back to sleep, we’ll be home soon”

She wasn’t lying, we were home soon, and I was in my bed sooner.

“Amelia” she called from downstairs “If you sleep any longer you won’t sleep tonight” I woke to see it was early morning.

And there began the jetlag.

I sat at the table as she buzzed around the kitchen with her mug of coffee.

“Your Dad will be home at 5 today and so will I” she stopped for one moment to see my tired face “Don’t worry, the jetlag will be gone soon” he kissed my hair and said goodbye as she left for work.

And there I was alone.

So I turned on the TV, but after finding nothing was I on, I turned it off. I walked around the house with a melancholy attitude and then sat at the kitchen table sipping my tea. I then decided to check my computer for anything interesting. Out of my boredom I logged onto the competition website, to see who won the band competition, though I was fairly sure it was Bring me the horizon.

I smiled when I saw it was, I scrolled the site, reading on about the last show, and then I saw my picture. I was on stage, my face was ill looking and the band looked as if the show was a duty. I couldn’t feel worse about how I left them and at the same time for being so selfish to put all my time and energy into self loathe and affecting everything around me. I read the caption, over and over and then I froze.

“After headlining band dropped out of Leeds festival two bands have been selected, say hello to your winners, Bring me the horizon and GUNK” and there was the picture.

I ran frantically around the house and thought to myself how to reach Hannah or Tom or anyone. I grabbed the home phone and saw the schools number on the fridge, I smiled to myself and dialled it to reach the head office.

I spoke fast and she asked me to repeat myself a few times before she finally said she couldn’t reach any of them as they had left for home already, gradated and for Christmas.
So basically I sat, I just sat and thought. I wanted so badly to say I was sorry and to beg them to forgive me. I then remembered I had one friend who didn’t hate my guts, I looked at the time and saw it was visiting time at the hospital, without thinking I left.

When I got there I was told she had just left. I sighed and thanked the nurse at the desk, walking out and jingling the keys in my right hand. The Lady Gaga song played lightly through the speakers as I sat in the carpark of the hospital, hands on the steering wheel and calculating my next move.

I ended up driving back home, putting some Bevis and Butthead on and falling asleep on the couch.

“Ame, you’re never going to get over the jetlag” I groaned and sat up.

“Your friend seemed pretty tired so I let her stay in your room”

“Erin’s here?” i asked tiredly.

“No your friend from school”

I paused.

“School here or school there” I referenced to Sheffield.

“Well she was British, so I’m guessing Sheffield” she joked.

“Here?” I was grasping the concept in my tired state.

“Said you knew she was coming, oh and by the way it would be nice if you told me next time” she scolded.

“Your right sorry, I’m just tired” I moved and spoke fast while I said these things on the way to my room.

I slammed the door and Hannah jumped up in shock. She looked surprised then happy and then angry again.

“I saw, and I’m sorry and I can’t express how sorry I am, but I really want to tour with you guys”

She waited.

“Han?”

“Just wait” she snapped “I’m still waking up, Australia’s fucking far, and its hot here, during Christmas and yeah” she finished.

“So am I forgiven?”

She sighed “We discussed it before we came here, and yeah we want to put it behind us, but you need to promise, and I mean it Lia, you need to promise to never pull that shit on us ever again, we’re a family now”

I smiled and she returned a half smile, still not at full forgiveness.

“How did you get here?”

“Graduation present from my folks”

“Wait, when does the tour start?”

She thought for a second “August”

I thought for a moment “right in the middle of my uni term”

“You’re going to uni?” the humour in her question almost offended me.

I sarcastically smiled “It’s not like I want to”

“So, dont go and be in Gunk”

I didn’t wait any moments before I nodded, I then heard my mum call us down to have dinner.

When I came down, my dad was home and he put his arms out for a hug, I reluctantly hugged him and my mum smiled. I quickly introduced Hannah and we sat for dinner.

Hannah got along with my parents great, she was sweet and completely the opposite of who she is with me. It almost made me laugh. Late at the end of the night, she called a taxi and said her goodbyes to my parents.

I stood at the door while I said my last goodbyes and gave her a little grief for the way she acted in front of my parents.

We hugged and just before she let go she said something “You’re not going to uni next year” she then pulled back and smiled. I nodded and pushed her towards her taxi.

I walked in my house and listened as my parents commented on how lovely Hannah was. I then waited until they finally turned their attention on me.

“We’ve missed you so much Ame” they sat on the couch either side of me and watched TV with me. I was then distracted from the program I choose for about an hour, while they asked me question after question, and I had to lie, answer after answer. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but i know it was what they wanted to hear. That I had a great time, and I’m full of experience and my bad ways are behind me.

“So I was thinking” I began after constant questions in a moment of silence “of not doing uni next year, maybe differing”

They were quiet; they looked at each other and exchanged looks.

“We thought you were going to say that” my mum sighed “So we’re going to give you a choice”

“Shoot” I was eager.

“If you differ for a year, it’s only for a year, no more” she was serious and my dad was staring at the TV screen.

“Right Carl?” my dad looked our way and looked confused.

“Yes” he just answered; I laughed in response and nodded.

“Yes mum” I agreed.

“So why are you taking a year off?” she asked.

I waited, thinking about lying or thinking about telling them what they didn’t want to hear.
“I’m in a band and we won a spot at a festival over in there” I referenced to Sheffield.

My mum looked at me and looked away, and then looked at me again “Let’s hope that band didn’t harm your study results”

I sat there like a stunned mullet and looked at my dad, and then at my mum again and then I laughed.

“Jokes over, stop screwing around, are you going to force me to uni or ground me?” I assumed.

She shrugged “is it hard to believe that I’m okay with your choice?”

“Yes” I answered straight away.

She smiled “Stevie may have had something to do with this”

The smile dropped from my face, and I looked at her. She walked over to the kitchen drawer and took an envelope out of it. She then walked back over and handed it to me.

“Mum and dad” It read.

I handed it back “It’s not addressed to me”

She smiled and took it back.

“Well then I guess it’ll remain a secret”

I nodded in agreement, and then sat silently watching TV with my parents. I looked over at the ditch Stevie belonged in and sighed at how much this family still felt empty, but I knew it would never really feel the same. My parents knew that too.

Before I knew it I blinked and it was morning, the TV was still on, my parents had gone to work and there was a heavy woollen blanket draped over my body. They left the TV on just like when I use to fall asleep on the couch with Stevie, when I was 9 or so.

I had no recollection of when I fell asleep but the person at the door made sure I didn’t sleep any longer, the knocking was constant and loud and I knew exactly what to say when I opened the door.

“Hello Mr Handy man, my dishwasher has been playing up for a while now” I yawned, Erin hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in weeks.

“Let’s go and be young” she yelled, running to her car and sitting on the hood.

“I’m getting old bro” I leaned against the doorway, but after a few moments of debate, whether we should stay home or go out, she won.

Beach after beach and I realised how much I really did miss home, so I started dreading how I would tell Erin I was going in a couple of months. She looked too happy to have her best friend back.

So I left it, I mean, if I told her then she would probably slap me in the face and state she was coming in my suitcase.

My phone buzzed next to me as I felt the sun on my back. I rolled my eyes and leaned my tired head on my hand, and answered the unfamiliar number.

“Hello” I said lazily.

“Lia?” the person asked.

“This is her”

“It’s Hannah, where are you? I’m at your place, I’ve got news” she stated way too fast.

“I’m in the middle of something” I said, placing my sunglasses on my face and sighing.

“Well, we’re leaving the country next week, so I hope you’re not in the middle of something then”

I sat up and realised I should enjoy every last minute of sun, because I had some cold winter days ahead of me wherever I was going to be.

“Where?” I breathed.

“A few local shows around Sheffield”

“Fuck” I squeaked.

“I hope that’s a good Fuck” she sang and then ordered me home.

When I finally got home, Hannah and Erin hit it off, it was like I was meant to meet them and introduce them to each other.

Then the question of why we had to rush home was brought up, and Erin was far from happy when she found out I was leaving next week.

“I’m coming in your suitcase” she pretended to sob.

“How did I know you were going to say that?” I laughed.

“I swear, I tried to do that when I was 7 or something” Hannah chuckled “Why don’t you come?” she proposed.

She laughed.

Hannah really did feel for her and I could tell, it was going to be hard to leave again, and I just got used to being home, but I wanted to tour.

“So you told Hannah about Oli I’m guessing?” Erin assumed.

“What about Oli?” Hannah questioned.

I sighed and took a few breaths before telling the story all over again, they would flinch and laugh but when I got to the end, they were both disappointed in me.

“Well, that’s disappointing” Hannah sighed, she then saw the time and pretty much said goodbye and had a taxi at my house in 5 minutes when she realised she had to be back at her aunt’s house.

And when she left I could tell Erin had something on her mind, she took a magazine nearby, rolled it up and hit me with it.

“Bitch, Ow” I yelled.

“You are a disappointment, you are touring next week goddammit and you will tell Oli how you feel and then you’ll kiss, and then you’ll call me and tell me all about it”

I just sat nodding, and when she finally sat back down I squeaked a small yes.

I was off the next week, bags packed with the world at my feet. Well, actually, Steel cities’ streets at my feet, but it felt like the world. To me anyway.