Everyone Learns Faster On Fire

It was almost 3AM. Sleep was impossible for Frank Iero. Every time he closed his eyes and tried to block everything out, he was still horribly aware of the vast empty space next to him on the bed. He was freezing too. There was no one by his side to share precious body heat with, or exchange hugs to warm up the bitterest of nights. He was unwanted.
It was a lie to say he loved Jamia more than Gerard, but his heart still felt like it had been shattered into a thousand pieces. And he was foolish to think that he could be with the both of them. The truth was he was greedy. He once loved them both the same, and his greed had led to heartbreak. The events had had occurred just hours before had left a cavernous hole in his heart, and he doubted that anyone who ever be able to fill it again, even Gerard.

Whoever gave Jamia those pictures…whoever was vindictive enough to tear their lives apart…he was going to get them. He was going to make them suffer. He was going to rip their heart out while they were still alive and shove it back in the wrong way.

He hadn’t told Gerard yet. He couldn’t bring himself to, because he knew that this was what Gerard wanted. Frank knew that he would have to find out soon, but he wasn’t looking forward to telling him. Maybe he already knew? Maybe in her irate and heartbroken state, Jamia had gone round to Gerard’s house and started on him.
Frank immediately wished he had never dreamed up that last thought. He slapped himself sharply across the face as punishment, making himself feel even more awake and quite possibly leaving a sore red mark. He hoped Gerard was okay. He usually texted him with a ‘goodnight’ message before he went off to bed, but he had forgotten tonight. What if Jamia had really gone and done something to him? She had a lot of strength behind that petite figure, and his muscles were still aching from the way she had punched and kicked him mercilessly earlier on.

He rolled over into the empty space beside him on the bed and buried his head deep in the pillow, sobbing for the hundredth time that evening. He could still smell her on there. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some sort of dream. That was it, all a dream. He would surely wake up a few hours later with Jamia softly snoring by his side and laugh at the fact that he had such a nightmare.
But the way his cheek was stinging assured him that this was most definitely real, and she was never coming back.

***

It was almost 4AM. Frank had begun amusing himself by humming her favourite song loudly to block out his thoughts. He hummed the tune so noisily that his voice began to crack and his throat ached dully. He was pretty sure the neighbours could hear his voice, but he couldn’t care less. They wouldn’t be his neighbours much longer. He and Gerard would set fire to this place. Burn all the dark and painful memories of every single argument he and Jamia ever shared, and watch them all turn into cinder.

***

By 5AM, Frank had given up. He was sitting up on the sweat soaked covers and dialling the number of Gerard’s house phone. His face still stung dully from his masochistic beating. He needed to feel human again. He needed to feel like this was all worth it. He wanted to know if it was possible for anyone to love him after everything he’d done.
Listening to the dial tone buzz over and over again, Frank began pacing around the room, avoiding the shards glass that had shattered out of the photo frame Jamia had smashed. The first rays of early morning sunlight had began to creep through the curtains and reflect off the shattered glass. He was transferred over to the answer phone message. Hearing Gerard’s voice again was like hearing the angels sing. Once the beep had sounded, Frank exploded into fresh floods of tears.

“Gerard, please! If you’re awake then p-please pick up. I need you!” he sobbed into the receiver. “It’s Jamia, she’s…she’s-”

“Frank! Are you okay?” Gerard’s voice was illustrated with a mixture of tiredness and panic. “Baby, tell me what’s happened!”

Frank could barely form his sentences. Hearing his voice again was amazing, and knowing that Jamia hadn’t done anything stupid was a huge weight off his back. “…She knows about us! Sh-she’s gone! I tried to make her stay but it was no use! She hates me and especially you…She left me here all on my own all night and I-”

“Shhh, honey, wait.” Gerard interrupted, his voice full of concern. “How did she find out? Did you tell her?”

Frank glanced over at the pile of photographs that were still scattered in the same position as they were when she left. “Someone’s got these sick pictures of us….they’ve been spying on us Gerard! People have watched us kiss and stuff!”

There was silence on the other end of the line. Frank began to wonder what had happened. He hoped the telephone lines weren’t down. He still had so much more to say. He needed Gerard to be here with him. But there wasn’t the usual sound of a dead line, it was just silent.

Frank stopped pacing. “Gerard?… A-Are you still there?”

It took a few moments for Gerard to answer. “Yeah…yeah….”

“Gerard…are you okay?”

“…Frank, I’m coming over there right now.” Gerard eventually answered. His voice sounded different. Frank was usually good at reading Gerard’s emotions, but he couldn’t work this one out. “Please don’t do anything stupid like trying to hurt yourself. Give me ten minutes…I love you.”

And then the line went dead.