Listen to My Heart

I sat in the living room, flipping through the channels on TV aimlessly, not because I wanted to watch TV, but because I wanted to tune out the sound of Tony calling my name outside of the front door. It has been two days since our little rift and I was less than pleased with him, even though he was trying damn hard to mosey his way back onto my good side. He sent me flowers, got me dinner, called me and texted me until I had to delete my inbox, and he even bought me some chocolate. It was obvious that Joey was helping him out because Tony didn't know shit about making anything up to anyone. But then again he has never been in this deep of shit before.

"Brianna, open the fucking door or I will break a window." He yelled. I smirked at that and called back to him.

"You do and I'll call the cops and get your ass in jail for breaking and entering. Let's see how papa Looch likes that call." I snickered to myself as he shut up, even his obsessive pounding halting.

"Brianna, I am apologizing because I really do feel bad. I was just trying to calm Leah down. I didn't mean what I was saying. You know how big you are in my life. You keep me grounded when everything is coming undone. You have been there through the good and the bad, don't think that I could ever forget how you talked me out of Colorado College, and into going to the U because you knew how much this meant to me, how much playing to my dad would mean to me. I talked to Leah and I told her that I can't do that to you. That you are too important to me for a relationship with one girl to ruin. God, I am trying so hard right now, just give me something." Tony pleaded with me, both his fists pounding on the door. I clicked the TV off and sighed, looking out the window to where he sat, leaning up against the door of the house. He looked to his left and right into my eyes. Just looking at him made the anger burn deep inside of me again and I shrugged my shoulders, flipping the TV back on.

"You and your girlfriend can go to hell. I changed my mind, I don't like her, and I think she is ridiculously wrong for you."

"Oh come on, Brianna. Doesn't the rational part of you think she had a good reason to be upset. How would you feel if your boyfriend was curled up with some other girl?" Tony asked me.

"I'm not some other girl Tony. I've known you for too damn long to be lumped into that category!" I exclaimed, standing up and stalking to the door. "And you aren't helping your case by acting like she did nothing wrong. She completely overreacted!"

"You're right, she did. But we all do when we are upset." He insisted, jumping to his feet and moving into the house, pushing me back before closing the door.

"I didn't invite you in." I snapped at him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Whatever. Look, just, I'm sorry. I am so so so sorry that I hurt you. I shouldn't have done that and I knew even when I was saying it that it was a stupid idea and that she was being irrational. But it is in the past and there is nothing I can do to change it; all I can do is make it up to you." He pleaded with me, his hands grasping mine tightly and making me cringe at the coldness of them. I shook my hands loose and wrinkled my nose at him.

"Your girlfriend wouldn't want you touching me." I shrugged, heading towards the living room, but Tony's hand grasped my wrist tightly.

"Can you just forget about her for a minute, and be real with me right now? We have been friends for too long to let this come between us. We have been together through all sorts of girlfriend and boyfriends- I don't want to lose you, Brianna. I was being an asshole, I get it, but that doesn't mean you give up on me." He whispered to me, his eyes holding a look of desperation in them as they searched mine.

"Tony, you don't even see my side of the story. All of your excuses and apologies are quick and dismissive. You don't understand what she was actually saying. She doesn't want us to be friends, she doesn't want me in your life because you know what, she can't stand that she has to share you with someone. She is a selfish bitch." I told him, watching the flicker of anger in his eyes. "Don't even start with me on calling her a bitch. If she is going to act like one, I'm going to call her one." I pointed my finger at him and he sighed, nodding as his eyes closed.

"Okay. You're right, she was being a bitch. But can you just please let this go. I am so sorry. I can't even express how pissed I am at myself for even agreeing to it. I want to make this up to you. Just tell me how I can make this better." His eyes pleaded with me, looking beyond desperate as they searched mine. Tony was putty in my hands, ready for me to mold him into what I wanted him to act like, be like, to win back my approval and to make everything okay. It would have been so easy to let it slip out of my mouth, to tell him to break up with her and be with me like he knew we were supposed to be. But I didn't because I wanted him to make that decision. I wanted him to decide that Leah wasn't it for him, and that he needed to be with me.

"I want her to apologize to me and back off." I told him, figuring if the blonde stayed away from me, then I wouldn't feel the urge to rip her hair out. Tony looked slightly uneasy at my worlds and I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Is that going to be a problem?" I asked Tony, cocking my head to the side. He quickly shook his head, giving me an assuring smile.

"No, but I don't know how I will get you both in the same place." He mumbled, sighing deeply as he gave me a sad smile. "I wished this wouldn't have happened. I know you two are too strong willed and stubborn to get along now. I even bet that if I asked you really nicely to be nice to her, you would tell me to go to hell."

"Yep." I nodded my head at him, giving him a sarcastic smile. He sighed deeply and nodded, green eyes looking slightly dull but he threw his arm around my neck, pulling me into a headlock against him. I wrapped my hands around his arm to pull away but he just squeezed me tighter to his body.

"I love you, kid." He kissed my temple and released me, my heart fluttering at the simplicity of those three words. They were everything I ever wanted him to say to me, but they lacked the passion of what made them so special. Once again, it was the friendly type of I love you, the one you tell to those who hold a place in your heart, but don't give you the thrill a lover should.

"I love you too, Ton." I murmured as he walked to the door and waved as he walked away, blowing me one more kiss. "More than you would ever know." I whispered as he walked down the street, back towards Leah and the bitch who ruined everything.
***

Mike and I sat on the couch, curled up into one another, my legs over his lap, his large hands massaging my feet and ankles delicately. We were watching The Holiday on the big screen in the living room of the hockey house since his roommate, Patrick White, had kicked us out of their dorm to have some "alone time" with his girlfriend. Mike and I ended up at the hockey house 15 minutes later, finding most of the boys gone, out on the town for thirsty Thursday, leaving only Joey and Kara upstairs along with Mike and I. Tony was over with Leah which I conveniently ignored when Mike told me.

"Remind me again why we picked this movie? It's kind of upsetting. None of these characters are with the person they like." Mike pointed out as Kate Winslet's character began to sob over her deadbeat crush again.

"Because they end up with the one they are supposed to be with in the end. Sometimes its the person you least expect." I shrugged my shoulders.

But in truth I related to both Jack Black's and Kate's characters; pining for the one you want until it wares you down and you have to get over it. I was trying to move on, to push through the road block Tony had created, and I was finding my moving force in Mike. He created amazing company and he treated me the way I deserved to be treated. He made me laugh and he was absolutely adorable. He was such a great guy, but I had no feelings other than a tiny infactuation, even after all of the times we had spent together over the past week and a half.

"But what if they are just settling with these people? What if they don't thrill the right way?" Mike asked, a quizitive look on his face.

"Careful, you are starting to sound like a girl." I teased him, giving him a large smile. He chuckled quietly and nodded, his eyes locking on mine as we both looked at one another. I watched his eyes fall down to my lips before up into my eyes again and I took in a deep breath as his lips began to fall towards mine. My tongue flicked over my flesh quickly as our lips were a centimeter apart.

The loud slamming of the front door came from the entry way, making my heart leap into my throat and a yelp escape my lips. Mike and I looked towards the stairs where Tony was stalking up the stairs. He was looking down at his phone before he glanced to the TV and then to the couch. His eyes noticeably darkened before he shook his head without even a hello and walked up the stairs to his room.

"Hey Looch." Mike mumbled as I giggled quietly.

"He is crabby." I shrugged my shoulders as to why, having no real idea but I could come up with a few reasons for his mood off the top of my head. One of them being the fact that I was curled up extremely close to his teammate and friend, along with the fact that I had been blowing him off to hang out with Mike.

The two of us went back to our movie, getting sucked in as Mike laid down, pulling me down so that every inch of our bodies were touching. He threw a black and gold, fleece, hockey blanket over us next, the little ties on the end tickling my face. He kissed the top of my head and began to play with my hair and then rub my back softly, making my eyes grow heavy fairly quickly. I fought against the tug of the sleep and stayed up to continue watching the movie, but my eyes kept sliding shut against my will.

A large clanging came from the kitchen, once again making my heartbeat sky rocket, and causing Mike to sit up to look over the edge of the couch. He muttered something under his breath as the sound of the cupboards slamming shut and dishes clanging together was heard. I pulled away to look as well, rolling my eyes at Tony who was just pulling stuff out and slamming it back into place roughly.

"What is his problem?" Mike mumbled as I laid back down, his hands still rubbing my back softly.

"I don't know." I shook my head, doing my best to focus on the screen and not on the clanging in the kitchen.

I watched as the camera zoomed in on Iris, her eyes slightly dewy as I tried my hardest to ignore Tony. I felt my heart constrict in my chest, recognizing the heart broken look as best as anyone could. I was the one who knew exactly how that felt, like the whole world was going on around you, but you were crumbling into tiny pieces.

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "

Tears burned my eyes as she spoke. It was like she was pulling my feelings out of my heart, my brain, my soul, and playing them out for the movie audiences to hear. My lips trembled lightly as I realized I had no right to sit here and criticize her and her decisions when I was acting the same way. I tried to do little things, like makeup
and doing my hair to make myself good enough for Tony. And when it didn't work, I ran to Jess and Kara expecting them to make it better when in reality, their words just made me feel better for the mean time. And now that they were trying to get me to throw myself at Tony, I just turned to Mike as a safe haven from the disappointment I felt every time I thought of Tony with Leah.

The sound of Tony's voice coming from the kitchen made me jump slightly before I sat up along with Mike, needing to take a deep breath. I glanced over my shoulder at Tony was was pacing the kitchen, phone attached to his ear as a hand ran through his already crazy hair.

"Joey, did you see it?" He hissed into the phone, tugging on the strands of his hair as he spoke. "Don't bullshit with me, you know what I'm talking about." He snapped. His face was furrowed into an angry expression as he turned towards me, but keeping his gaze on the floor. "Don't tell me to just let it go, Joey. This is fucking ridiculous." He paused even though it sounded like he has more he wanted to say, listening to Joey's response. "I do to have a right to be mad." He took in a deep breath as Joey cut him off again. "Why the hell not!?" He was getting more agitated. "Well I fucking beg to differ." He let out a deep, deep sigh, closing his eyes and sinking down into the kitchen chair. "I think this is actually getting to me." He whispered quietly.

The sound of footsteps retreating down the stairs was heard over the silence that was left by Tony's last words. I glanced to the right and my eyes bugged out of my head as Kara came stomping down, dressed in Joey's clothes that hung off her small frame. She gave me a wink before setting a hard look on her face and marching into the kitchen.

"Tony Lucia!" She exclaimed, grabbing his phone from his hand and pressing end as I widened my eyes in surprise. Tony looked her up and down like she was an alien, holding his hands up in surrender. "Shut the fuck up before I fucking castrate you!"

"What the hell.." He mumbled, his eyes wide as I could imagine Kara's look was slightly deranged.

"Don't you what the hell me. We have two lovers who are trying to enjoy their date." Kara shrieked, grabbing him by the ear and bringing him down to her level. She spoke to him quietly before she turned on her heel and marched him out of the kitchen by his ear. I clasped my hand over my mouth as Mike and I shared a slightly shocked look.

"Ouch!" Tony exclaimed as Kara dug her nails into the tender flesh of his ear.

"Oh, this isn't even as bad as what I was thinking about doing to a lower party of your anatomy." She hissed at him. "You two have a good time now that this punk is out of your hair. And don't worry about being too loud." She winked, giggling as a growl came from Tony. I could tell if Kara was a guy, he would have punched the shit out of her, but the fact that she was Joey's girlfriend, my best friend, and a girl, told him it would be wise to keep his hands at his sides.

Mike and I were able to watch the rest of the movie without any more interruptions. It was nice to just be able to sit with him and do something so simple. I liked his company, and he was able to pull my mind away from Tony and the complicated pile of crap that was my life. The end credits began to roll a half hour later, making me sigh and look at the time. It was starting to get late, but I definitely didn't want the night to end. I was having fun with him, even if we were doing something so simple.

"So, did you like it?" I asked Mike as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, letting me cuddle into his chest. He had a nice, clean scent that clung to him and made me want to bury my nose into his chest.

"Yeah, it was great. Just don't tell the guys." He chuckled quietly. His fingers began to play with my hair, twirling the smooth strands. I giggled and looked up at him, our lips inches apart just like when we had our first kiss. I bit my lip slightly before swallowing the nervousness that was tugging at my stomach.

Our lips met in a soft and sweet kiss, our flesh touching and sending tiny tingles down my arms. It was a comfortable kiss, one that I didn't have to pretend to enjoy, but there was a lack of passion there that I knew I should be paying attention to. Shouldn't you feel bolts of electricity shooting from your lips down to your spine? What about the butterflies that swarmed in your stomach, or the urge to throw yourself on top of him? Where was that? I sighed quietly, shutting the thoughts in my brain up and pushing myself to enjoy the feel of his lips against mine.

One second Mike and I were kissing at the next my lips were puckered against nothing but air. My eyes shot open as I looked up to see Tony holding Mike by the hood of his sweatshirt. His cheeks were flushed pink as his breathing came out in sputtered puffs. I gave him an irritated look, crossing my arms over my chest as Tony stared Mike down.

"Date over." He borderline growled at Mike, not even bothering to look at me. Tony had a smile plastered on his face that was anything but nice as I stood up, placing a calming hand on Tony's arm. I felt his muscles begin to uncoil as he released Mike. The blonde jerked his head and straightened his sweatshirt on.

"Mike you don't have to leave." I started to insist but Tony cut me off.

"He doesn't live here." He growled lowly so only I could hear. "Plus, we've got a game tomorrow and our star freshie forward needs his rest. Right Hoef? Curfew is in fifteen minutes, better get trucking." Tony gave him a smile as I sighed, looking into Mike's blue eyes which held a defeated expression. I gave him a smile before slapping Tony against the back of his head and stepping towards Mike.

"I guess you probably do have to get going. Don't want to get in trouble with Coach." I gave him a wink as I wrapped him into a tight hug. It didn't go unnoticed by me how short Mike had his arms around me, I knew that Tony was giving him a nasty look.

"Yeah. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow after the game?" He suggested, eyes hopefully dancing on me.

"I'd like that." I smiled at him, waving as he walked down the stairs. When I heard the front door shut, I whirled around and opened my mouth to scream at Tony. But he was right there, pressing me against his chest, hand clapped over my mouth.

"Don't yell at me. And you hitting me hurt." His face screwed up into an irritated frown/pout.

"And you constantly ruining everything hurts me! Get your head out of your ass, Tony!" I screamed at him, frustrated and angry that he was constantly hovering when I never did anything of the sort to him. I gave him his space with Leah. Maybe that was my problem. "And cut your shitty double standards." I hissed at him, looking to the couch for my purse and not finding it where I left it. I glance nervously at Tony, seeing it in his hand. "Give it."

"Come to bed with me." He insisted. The sound of those words flowing form his mouth made my whole body break out into a cold sweat. My mind started buzzing and a hot puddle pooled between my legs. I shook my head quickly, wondering how just that sentence could bring such dirty thoughts and feelings to me. I bit my lip and began shaking my head no. "Come on, I need you to sleep good tonight." He gave me these puppy eyes that made my stomach clench with nervousness.

"Your girlfriend wouldn't like it." I spit out, licking my lips cautiously as Tony sighed, a small smirk twisting his lips before he grabbed my hand.

"What she doesn't know won't kill her." His teeth gleamed at me before he lead me up the stairs to room. I fell asleep that night, wrapped in Tony's arms and letting him hold me like he was supposed to hold a lover.