When a Girl Likes a Boy

Reason I Should Be With Him #3: He’s Charming

Two days ago I had the chance to tell Ryan how I really felt about him. And I chickened out. I had been slipping into a drowsy state somewhere just below cloud nine, and somehow I’d managed to pull myself out to insult him; to push the dagger in just a little bit deeper.

And I think it hurt me a little more than it had hurt him. Like every other time before the last, I’d become a completely different person. I’d gotten scared, and I’d gone into self-preservation mode. But I think what makes the last time the worst so far, is the fact that he had been genuine, and I had been able to tell how genuine it was. And I had squashed him like a cockroach.

Now, I sit under a looming oak tree in a park that is an hour walk from my apartment building because I needed something to do while I thought. And, I should say now, I don’t like being alone with my thoughts.

It had taken me an hour to get to the park, and I had been sitting for an hour. It had been two hours of thinking that I needed to do something about.

So, after punching a few buttons on my phone, I hold it up to my ear. The phone rings briefly, before a male voice picks up. “Hey beautiful.”

My heart rate picks up briefly and then sinks into my stomach. Considering what I’m feeling right now, a sweet comment like that just makes me feel exhilarated and sad at the same time. I say nothing, and I can almost hear the apprehension in his voice when he speaks. “Lauren?” he asks softly.

“I’m sorry,” I finally choke out. My voice quivers with emotion, and tears leak out of my eyes at an alarming rate. I have to bite my lip so I don’t start bawling over the phone.

“Where are you?”

“The park.”

The park. It’s so ambiguous, but I know he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
…
Maybe I’m just being overdramatic. Maybe I should call him back and tell him not to come. But I know we need to get over this, because we can’t keep running in place. Things have to change.

Because of the position of the sun, if I stretch my feet out, the tips of my toes just peak out over the shadow created by the oak tree. A second later, after watching turquoise-painted toenails gleam in the quickly fading sun, I feel the need to look up.

And what I see, strolling in the opposite direction of the setting sun, wearing an expensive suit, is Ryan Miller.

Where had he been when I’d called him?

But as always, he looks so good. Sunglasses are up over his eyes, but I can see his smile. Despite what I’d done to him, he’s still happy to see me. So I stand graciously, and wait for him to get to me.

My cheeks are sticky from tears, but I’ve stopped crying. “Why are you so happy to see me?” I call, my voice wavering.

“I’m always happy to see you,” he tells me calmly once he reaches me.

“But what I did to you –”

He cups my chin in his hands to silence me. “ – is the same thing you’ve been doing to me for three years.” It’s times like this when I realize how much older he is than me. He seems so poised, so collected, and I’m a blubbering mess because of something that, although was really bitchy, really wasn’t that bad.

I swallow, but everything seems to get caught in my throat. “You do mean that much to me, Miller. And if you hurt me, I’ll kill you.”

He smiles softly. “So does that mean I need to break it off with my other girlfriend?”

I narrow my eyes. “Did it ever occur to you that now is not the time for jokes?” I ask rudely.

“Did it ever occur to you that you need to stop getting so defensive over something you should just brush off?”

I snort in disgust and try to pull away. Ryan’s hands drop from my face. “This was a mistake,” I mutter under my breath, turning from him.

“Lauren.” He tries to hide his laughter, but fails miserably. His large hand seeks out mine and pulls me back to face him. “I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you, because accidents happen.” He takes off his sunglasses so I can clearly see his eyes. He wanted me to read him. “But I can promise you that I will never break your heart.”

I bite my lip, but watch his eyes. His pupils don’t dilate, he doesn’t look away. His body isn’t tensed, and his thumb softly rubs the back of my hand. I sigh, my eyes closing briefly as my shoulders deflate. I give up.

I fold into his chest, and he winds his arms around me. Ryan Miller just won.
…
Summer fades away, and fall blossoms with a frenzy of yellows, oranges, and reds. I like the transition, because despite the drop in average temperatures, I think it’s beautiful out.

Plus, when it gets cool, I can cuddle with my almost-boyfriend, Ryan. The only down side with this is that I think he thinks I’m a bit of an airhead – what with how many times I keep “forgetting” my jacket.

But right now I don’t need my jacket, because I’m standing inside Ryan’s kitchen. The current roster for the Buffalo Sabres is also in Ryan’s kitchen – there’s a small gathering happening before the preseason starts.

There’s a tangible giddiness in the house, despite the fact that a lot of them are fully grown men.

I pick up a baby carrot from the platter in front of me, and bite it. The crunch of the carrot is oddly satisfying as my eyes drift around the room. My eyes land on Ryan as he talks to a cute little brunette across the room. And the best part? I can say truthfully that I’m not jealous. Now that I’ve been seeing him for a couple weeks, I can tell the difference between him being charming and him hitting on someone. But at the same time I can also see the look on the girl’s face. She’s enjoying his attention more than he’s enjoying hers, and part of me feels bad for her.

So, as I slip around the island counter, I make my way over to Ryan and the girl who I don’t think even came here with anybody.

Ryan sees me approaching before he does, and I see a familiar look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry to interrupt,” I smile politely at the girl, who just looks a little dazed at having been interrupted, but not at all put off. Her eyes drift down to where I wind my arms through his arm and hold it to my chest. “It’s time for his medication.”

I pull him away before she has time to refuse. When we’re out of earshot, I look up at Ryan with my eyebrows raised. “Sometimes you are a horrible human being.”

He kisses my temple. “Just making pleasant conversation.”

I snort derisively. “Sorry… that sounded a lot like you said you were making pleasant conversation.”

He pulls his arm from my grasp and winds it around my shoulders. When he pulls me securely to his side, he leans towards me and places a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I shut my eyes tightly and bite back a smile as he kisses me again and again.

“Hey listen. Do you want to go for a walk or something?”

I look up at him curiously. He downcasts his gaze to the floor, and then touches the side of his neck with his right hand. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

He looks at me from the corner of his eye, but not directly at me, and then scratches the back of his neck again. Now there’s something he doesn’t want to tell me.

But nonetheless, he tries to look at me. He still has the posture of a vulnerable child, but offers me a small smile. “Nothing’s wrong, beautiful. I just want to go for a walk.”

I bite my lip indecisively, and take a step towards him. Putting my head against his arm, I try to look up at him. “You’d tell me if something was bothering you, right?”

Ryan steps away from my grasp, and holding onto my shoulders, gives me a soft smile as he looks at me tentatively. “You already know when something’s bothering me.”

I bite back a pleasured smile at his words. “I’d know when something’s wrong, just not what’s wrong.”

“Hey, Miller! Come let me kick your ass at Beer Pong!”

Both Ryan and I look over at the sound of the voice; at Jason Pominville. That man was a bad influence, I can’t help but note dryly.

“In a minute!” Ryan calls.

I lightly slap his chest with the back of my hand, but I don’t mean to hurt him. “The guys are going to hate me if I turn into the girl that takes up all your time.”

Ryan rolls his eyes and slides his hands down my arms until he holds my hands. “They’re just jealous because we’re still in our having sex is the best part of the relationship stage.”

I narrow my eyes at him, so he, realizing his mistake, smiles sheepishly and places a tender kiss on each of my hands. “What I really meant was that I love the time we spend together, both emotionally and intellectually.”

I snort and shove off of Ryan’s chest. “You’re so full of shit.”

He grabs me and wraps his arms around me to keep me in place. “I think we have a lot of stimulating conversations, don’t you?” he mumbles into my hair.

My gaze focuses on the pale blue stripe of his dress shirt. Yes, our conversations can get quite stimulating… in every sense of the word.

I sigh. “So how about that walk?”
…
“I can’t believe you actually left your own party,” I say to Ryan as we quietly stroll down the sidewalk. We’re about five houses away from his, and the noise is finally starting to dissipate. His poor neighbours.

We both have our gazes on the concrete, or so I’d noted when I’d looked up at him briefly. Our fingers are intertwined, but it doesn’t feel quite as bonding as it should.

Finally, after a second, Ryan speaks. “Yeah, well, I have something to take care of.”

The vague explanation immediately puts me on my toes, but I can’t let it show. I swallow slowly and tentatively look at him. I’m not sure how many ways I can ask him what’s wrong before I feel like a broken record. I sigh and stop walking. “Ryan, if you want to just forget what happened –”

“This watch cost me two thousand dollars.” I drop his hand as we stop walking. There is an inevitable wince on my face as I move to stand in front of him. Two thousand dollars on a watch is a little much, but hey, this is coming from someone who is still in debt from school.

I study him carefully, or at least as much as I can see. We aren’t close enough to a street light for me to use it, and he keeps his head bowed humbly. He fumbles with the clasp of the watch until it clicks and lies flat in the palm of his hand.

He sighs, heaving his slender shoulders. “I was kind of hoping that by the time we got outside I’d know what to say.” He laughs, but it sounds nervous.

I bite my lip, and look at him softly. “Ryan –”

“Be my girlfriend?” I stare at the watch as he holds it up in the air. My brain immediately begins working on overdrive to come up with something to say, the long he stares at me. Instead of speaking, though, all that happens is my jaw drops open.

Ryan takes a hold of the reigns, then, and gently grasps my wrist. “My mom always said that I should give a piece of myself to the girl I really care about,” he tells me as he fastens the watch around my slender wrist.

I still can’t find anything to say as Ryan looks into my eyes. The second he does, though, he starts laughing. “Lauren, you’re drooling.”

I heave my chest with a deep inhale, and let out a loud squeal. Then, throwing my hands in the air as if in celebration, I jump at Ryan. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. “That part about your mom was really cheesy, but that doesn’t matter because yes, Ryan, I will be your girlfriend!”

His fingers kneed the skin of my lower back, and he presses a kiss to my shoulder. “No,” he says as I slowly climb off him, “it would’ve been cheesy if I’d added because you already have my heart.”

I snort to cover up the blush that’s probably spilling over my face. He wraps an arm around my should and tugs lightly. “Hmm?” He asks softly, leaning towards my face. I peck his lips quickly and then hide my face in his side.

“Such a charmer,” I mumble into the fabric of his shirt whilst slapping his chest.

“Pardon? I didn’t quite get that.”

I pick my face out of his body. “Char-mer.”

The smile on his face nearly reaches his ears. “And yet, you find a way to make it sound insulting.”

I jut my lower lip out, and he kisses me. “I’m so going to have to change my facebook status,” I sigh.

“I don’t think facebook has a status for you yet,” he teases as he steers me back to his place.

Slow and immediately curious, I look up at him. “Why not?”

“Dating me and having my brother’s baby? It’s kind of soap opera-ish.”

I sigh. How could I forget? I’m a whore in our fictitious relationship. “Hey,” he interrupts my thoughts by leaning close to my face. I don’t look up at him, and I don’t kiss him either. “Why don’t we kick everyone out and we go upstairs and I show you why I’m the brother you keep coming back to.”

His voice oozes confidence as we walk up the driveway to his house. I look at him, and he looks at me. He isn’t lying – he genuinely believes what he’s saying.

Huh. I guess there really are things that Ryan Miller can’t fake.