Mutiny Below

Jayce

After I sulked through breakfast with Adam, I left for home. I was trying to think of a new way I could keep John all to myself as I drove. My fingers were tapping mindlessly to the tune until I recognized it.

Somehow Nick’s demo had gotten back into my player. I glared and tossed the CD into the backseat, secretly hoping it would break. Then I hummed along to the radio for a few minutes before pulling up to the apartment.

I was smiling as I skipped up to the door and entered. Coming back was always the best part. I sighed with relief as I leaned my back against the closed door. It was safe.

“John?” I called after a moment as I let my bags and things drop to the ground. “Johnny Oh!” I giggled as I tiptoed to the living room, figuring he’d probably fallen asleep watching TV.

I frowned when I didn’t find his body slumped over there, or in the bedroom. He wasn’t in the kitchen either, or the bathroom. The apartment was completely empty. I decided to toss my things into the room before heading off to Eric’s where I should have known he’d be.

I found his note before I left. It was on the dresser, taped to the mirror. My eyebrows furrowed together as I read it.

Jayce – had a photoshoot early this morning; was hoping to make it back before you, but obviously didn’t. love you and see you soon. xxJohn

My frown deepened as I ripped the note off. I’d forgotten all about Pat mentioning the shoot. Now I was bored and alone. Great.

I ended up watching old reruns of Charmed on the couch until I fell asleep. I woke up when a cool hand ran through my hair and then lips pressed gently against my forehead. I smiled and slowly fluttered my eyes open to see the gorgeous man leaning over me.

“Hey babe, what are you doing sleeping?” John chuckled as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes again.

“I didn’t sleep much last night.” Which was the truth, but probably not because of the reason he was thinking. I hadn’t been able to sleep because once my mother complimented me on my new gray dress, Nick hadn’t left my mind. As the sky got darker and I got lonelier, our kiss replayed countless times. I’d never lost so much sleep over one boy.

“Does that mean you don’t want to go grab some tacos with Kenny and Gemma?” He smirked as my stomach growled.

“Actually, I think food sounds great.” I pushed him as I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, trying to tame it from its mess. “Should we call them?”

“They’re waiting outside.” He gestured over his should and I rolled my eyes. “I knew you’d be hungry.”

“Sure, you did.” I replied sarcastically and went to walk past him in search of my sandals. John gripped my wrist and pulled me down to his lap, quickly putting his arms around me and locking those mesmerizing green eyes with mine.

“I love you, Jayce.” He stated the three words firmly, like he was reaffirming something.

“I know, Johnny. I love you too.” I smiled a little but then frowned as he kept his serious expression.

“If there’s something upsetting you—,” he started and I shook my head, already knowing where this was going.

“There’s nothing. I’m fine and you’re paranoid.” I poked his chest. “Why is it you only declare your love for me when you think something’s wrong?” I accused and he chuckled, holding me closer to his chest.

“You drive me crazy sometimes.” I opened my mouth in fake shock as he laughed harder.

“You know, that hurts, John O’Callaghan.” I crossed my arms. “I’m not sure if I do love you anymore.” I fake sniffled and fought the giggles as he kissed my neck. I was close to caving when my stomach growled again and he pulled away with a smug smile.

“That’s new.” He winked and I rolled my eyes. “I wonder what happens if I kiss the other side.”

“You’ll have to find out later.” I managed to slip from his arms and stand up. “I’m fucking starving and there’s people waiting on us. Let’s go!” I stomped my foot like a small child and he laughed again before standing up beside me.

“Alright, Mrs. Impatient.” John wrapped an arm around my waist as we left. I leaned into him and tried joining in the conversation with Gemma and Kennedy.

I was putting my best effort into pretending like I wasn’t still troubled by Nick. I couldn’t help my thoughts though as John laced his fingers with mine and rested our hands on my thigh. I wondered what Nick’s hand felt like in mine. I wondered if he was even the holding hands type of guy.

It seemed like the more I tried to push the redhead from my thoughts, the more I thought about him. At one point, I even caught myself pretending he was beside me instead of John. Then I felt sick again.

After we ate, we went back to Kennedy’s place and watched a movie. I forced myself to lie in John’s arms and focus on him. I listened to his heartbeat. I tried watching the movie. I hated that when I closed my eyes I still saw his soft hazel eyes and tasted that bittersweet kiss like it’d only happened moments ago.

Finally it was time to go home. I hugged Gemma and she secretly asked if I was doing okay. I gave her a shrug before going to hug Kennedy goodbye too. He squeezed me tight as if he knew what his girlfriend had asked and what my answer had been. I knew they were both worried about me, like John.

A part of me wished I could just tell them, or at least tell Gemma. But something was stopping me. I couldn’t imagine admitting the fact that I was attracted to Nick to anyone. I was hardly able to admit it to myself.

I stayed quiet on the drive home. John talked about the photoshoot and how excited all the boys were to get back on the road, but how he’d miss me like hell. I felt guilty as I listened to him. Of course, I’d miss him but I didn’t feel like I had the right to miss him, or better yet, like he should miss me at all.

He went to bed almost immediately after we got home, claiming that he’d been up way too early. I lay with him for a bit, until I knew he was dead asleep with his deep steady breathing. Then I carefully slipped out from his arms and shuffled to the living room.

I couldn’t chance sleep right now. I wasn’t really tired anymore either. I sighed and clicked through channels, the volume was turned mostly all the way down. There wasn’t much on but I didn’t care. My mind was on something completely different than the characters on the screen anyway.

My phone started ringing around 12:15. My eyebrows furrowed together as I scrambled for the loud device before it woke John up. I didn’t know who would be up this late and wanting to talk unless there was an emergency. My stomach churned as I checked the I.D. from my new text.

Nick : are you up?

I bit my bottom lip. This wasn’t good. I couldn’t do this. I frowned at the phone. I was supposed to be staying away from him, not talking to him. I closed my phone and set it back on the table, ignoring the temptation that was just teasing me. Two minutes later it was going off again.

Nick : come on Jayce. I know you’re up. the front lights on.

My pulse increased and my fingers turned numb. Knowing he was so close made me flustered. I hesitated but then the smile won over on my lips and my fingers somehow typed a message back.

Jayce : are you stalking me?
Nick : maybe ; )
Jayce : is there something you need?

I sighed and tossed the phone on the couch beside me. I knew this wasn’t going to lead anywhere good. I knew I should have ignored him. I knew my boyfriend, who loved me so much, was sleeping only a few rooms over and yet I couldn’t ignore it. When the phone rang again I quickly picked it up and opened the new message.

Nick : come out side

I almost chocked on my own saliva. Going outside was a bad idea, a very bad idea. I knew that. My mind was coming up with a million reasons to not do it. Hell, every sensible brain cell was screaming don’t do it.

My feet didn’t listen. They shuffled themselves to the door with my stomach churning anxiously. I didn’t bother with shoes or a light jacket; I just slipped out the door as quietly as possible and made sure it didn’t make a noise behind me.

I tiptoed down the walkway and hugged myself as I approached the grinning boy standing by my car. He was smoking, yet again. I wondered if he knew just the effect that had on me or if it was all just coincidence. I also wondered why he was grinning. We were not in any shape, way, or form on good terms.

We were both quiet for a while. I kept my arms folded as I leaned against the car, making sure there was a good distance still between us. The silence was killing me and I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand why I was standing out here.

“I’m going back inside.” I finally decided and pushed off the car.

“Why?” He looked severely concerned and disappointed. I frowned and hesitated.

“Because you’re not saying anything and I don’t have anything to say.” I shrugged and then chewed on my bottom lip. There was a lot I wanted to say, but those were things I couldn’t say.

“Will you take a walk with me?” He questioned and my shoulders slouched. “Just down to the pool and back.” His eyes were shining from the parking lot lights.

I tilted my head as I considered and then shrugged again. He smiled and straightened up. We walked side by side in silence and it was just killing me.

“I thought you hated me again.” I blurted and then closed my eyes. Could I be any more vulnerable around this boy? My cheeks started to burn as I forcefully kept my eyes forward, even though they wanted to stray to see his face.

He cleared his throat after a moment. “Why did you think that?”

I snorted. “Maybe because you were trying to kill me with your eyes the night before last.”

“I was upset.”

“Yeah.” I agreed and then glanced at him. He was taking a drag with a bewildered expression on those features I knew but couldn’t see. It was too dark to make out anything his silhouette.

“You know, all I was doing that night was trying to apologize.”

“Really?” My voice rose unintentionally and he chuckled.

“Really.”

Guilt swelled up in my gut. “Sorry.”

“Eh, I wasn’t going to be completely sincere.” My mouth dropped open as I stared over at him. He laughed and threw his cigarette to the ground. “I like you Jayce. Have since that damn party, and I can’t lie and say that kiss was something I didn’t want.”

“Nick,”

“Just here me out, okay?”

I sighed as he opened the gate to the pool and gestured for me to go in first. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” He smirked and followed me in, locking the gate behind us. Fear sparked in me. Being in close proximity like this made my hands tremble.

I went to the deep end and sat down, dipping my feet into the cool water. Nick rolled his jeans up and joined me. He sat very close to where our hands almost touched on the concrete. I swallowed hard and stared at the water.

“I was upset because you said you were John’s girlfriend and I was Eric’s band mate, and that was just it.”

“That is just it.”

He groaned loudly and hunched forward. “Come on!” I was startled from his frustrated exclamation and I slightly leaned away from him. He breathed heavily for a few minutes before he straightened back up.

His eyes were focused forward and his lips were pressed together firmly again. He looked angry, but there was something more. Something I couldn’t quite pin point until he started to talk again.

“Jayce,” he sounded awful, like his heart was being stepped on. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I haven’t. It’s been fucking five months and I can still remember the smell of your hair. I can’t get over you, and honestly, I don’t want to get over you. This is insane, I know, but I want you, Jayce. I want to be more than just ‘Eric’s band mate’. Please.”

“But J—,”

“For two seconds, pretend he doesn’t exist. There are no strings, just answer me this. Do you feel the same way?”

I stared into his hazel eyes. His piercing green brown eyes searched my face for earnestly, for sincerity, for anything. I swallowed and sighed. My mind was too willing to give in to his demands. All of my protests concerning John vanished and the itch for his touch on my skin started.

“Yes.”

I was afraid of my own voice. My heart thudded and my whole body went numb. I couldn’t believe I was here, telling him something I had been trying to deny since he showed up in Arizona. The tension that had been building up, evaporated, leaving a calm, peaceful atmosphere.

Nick wasted no time responding. His hands went to my neck and gently tugged me forward so that our lips met again. I expected the kiss to be rough, but it wasn’t. Rough would have made it easier to push him away.

His kiss was soft and passionate. His lips very slowly moved against mine as his fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer. With nothing to distract me, I kissed him back. It was so easy to just lose myself with Nick.

His hands dropped from my neck and trailed down my sides until they rested just above my hips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his because I couldn’t get enough. I wanted more of him.

He smirked against my mouth as one of his hands went up my back, supporting me as he slowly pushed me backwards so I was lying on the cement. His lips never left mine as he hovered over me and swiftly moved so that he straddled my hips.

I giggled as the water from his feet dripped onto my legs. He took that opportunity to sneak his hands under my shirt. I gasped against his mouth at first, but then I smiled. He wasn’t trying to cop a feel. His hands were just lightly resting against my abdomen, his thumbs rubbing small circles over my skin.

It was like time didn’t count anymore. I just laid there, with Nick on top of me, for forever. The only thing that mattered was that I could feel him against me. I could smell the smoke on him and taste it on his lips too. It was all so entrancing, like I couldn’t remember where I was or even who I was.

I could feel his heartbeat, thumping hard against my chest. I placed my hand over it and smiled before I gently pushed him away. We broke apart, both of us breathing heavily. His eyes connected with mine as we steadied both our breathing and pulse.

I licked my lips carefully, tasting him on them. “I have to go home.” I whispered and his eyes dimmed a bit.

Nick nodded and got off of me. He stood up and took my hand, helping me up before he put his shoes back on. We left the pool in another silence, but this one wasn’t thick with stress. It was just comfortable.

He walked me back to my apartment and stopped at my car. I hesitated, not quite sure what to do or what to say, but Nick took care of that. He tipped my chin up with two fingers and pressed his lips ever so delicately to mine for a small second.

“Goodnight Jayce.”

He started to walk off and I watched his back, my head spinning. My knees were too weak to walk so I leaned against my car again. He was slowly disappearing into the night, like nothing had happened. A tear fell down my cheek as I held in sobs.

I cheated on John. I fucking cheated on him. I cheated on him purposefully with his friend. I did it and I want to do it again. Fuck.