These Days

“Stay up for me after the game?” Evgeni was standing in the driveway about to get in the Jag and holding Violet in his arms.

“Of course, my love,” Violet leaned up and kissed him. “See you soon,” Evgeni got into the car and started backing up, honking once before turning out of the driveway and up the street. Violet sighed and ran a hand down her front. She quickly lifted it and stared at it in horror. She burst back into the house at a run and dialed a conference call between Erin and Matt.

“Hello?” Erin answered first.

“Hey, hang on I have to dial in Matt,”

“You called me first for once?!” Erin asked, elated.

“Yes, to ask if you had talked to Max lately? He wants to take you out to dinner or a movie or something.”

“No, I haven’t talked to Max. And I won’t talk to Max. Violet, he’s gorgeous and he’s funny but he’s not for me. Things won’t work out, I promise you!”

“Because you won’t let it happen. Now hush, I need to call Matt.” Violet shushed Erin a few more times as she dialed Matt’s number.

“Bah, I’m going to see you in like five minutes. I’m on my way now, why are you calling me?” Matt said through his Bluetooth. He was driving to Violet’s as they spoke.

“I’m exhibiting signs of a male-juice infection.” Violet said solemnly.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Matt asked without a moment’s hesitation. Erin waited for the answer too.

“You know what it means! I think I have a three month pass for the porcelain express!” Neither of her best friends got that one either. “I MIGHT BE PREGNANT YOU FREAKING IDIOTS!” Violet shouted into her phone. Dead silence until Matt spoke to Erin.

“Well, E, there’s exhibit A, mood swings.”

“And she has been vomiting a lot and neither of us have been forcing tequila down her throat.” Erin joined in.

“Fuck you. I might be carrying a small human inside me.” Violet sat down on the floor in the kitchen.

“I’m coming over.” Erin said, and hung up the phone. Matt found Violet sitting in the kitchen with her knees pressed to her chest against the fridge. He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of lemonade. “Drink it,” he said handing it to her and jumping up on the counter. “Once Erin gets her I’m going out to get you a pregnancy test.”

“I’m going to kill it.”

“Only if you squeeze its head to hard. We should call the baby something other than it, don’t you think? It’s going to be a boy or a girl, so it’s not really an it. Unless the baby is a hermaphrodite. In which case it would be insulting but probably-”

“Stop talking,” Violet said through a mouth of lemonade, “or I’ll spit at you.”

“If you have a hermaphrodite baby will you paint the room a gender neutral color?” Matt asked. Violet took of mouthful of lemonade and spat it back at him. They both heard a car pull up.

“Be nice.” Matt pointed at Violet. She sneered at him. He walked out toward the garage as Erin was walking in, “good luck with her.” Matt patted Erin and headed out to the closest drug store.

“You can’t squish the baby, Vi.” Erin said sliding down to sit with her where Matt left her.

“I don’t want to squish the baby, if there even is a baby. I’m only a week late on my period, I could’ve just had a virus or something and that made me vomit that night and this morning…I…I’m not freaking ready to be a mother!” Violet grabbed Erin. “I still play video games every day! Crucified Christ!”

“You’ll be fine.” Erin wrapped both arms around her. Violet kept mumbling about why she wasn’t fit to be a mother until Matt came back from the store. He came with a pregnancy test, a balloon that said it’s a boy (and in his hand in sharpie and/or a girl!) and a bottle of Champaign.

Both women looked at him look he was crazy.

“The balloon is for if you are pregnant and the Champaign is for either way. One glass won’t kill the baby if you are.” Matt said, pulling a baby book out of nowhere.

“I fucking hate you,” Violet grumbled. “I don’t want to take a pregnancy test right now.”

“How about after the game? When you’re boyfriend is here?” Matt smirked.

“Or, we could wait until tomorrow and you could call him while he’s in the locker room so the whole team finds out bing-bang-boom!” Erin said joining.

“It’s like you both want me to have a kid.”

“I want to be an aunt.”

“I want to be an uncle.” The friends said at the same time. Violet pulled the test out of the bag and stared at them.

“C’mon, just take the test and when you’re done I’ll make mac and cheese and we’ll eat it with our hands and play Mario Kart.” Matt said. Violet sighed. She did love a good bowl of easy mac.

“Fine.” Violet snatched the test and headed toward the bathroom. Erin and Matt listened through the door as she ripped open the cardboard box and pulled out the pee-stick. They listened to her pee and then shake out the test. She walked out and the two stepped back from the door.

“Five. Minutes.” Violet said, pulling out a scot-towel and laying her fate on it. “I don’t want it staring at me. Let’s go playing Mario Kart now.” The three went to the living room and played three rounds of Mario Kart. It was more than five minutes.

“I don’t want to look.” Violet said with Matthew and Erin abruptly shut the game off. She braced herself against the couch but Matt thought differently.

“Too bad.” Matthew stood quickly, causing Violet to bolt toward the kitchen, quickly followed by Erin. Matt stopped her in the hallway. Matt took a step toward the door and Violet countered it. Matt took another step and Violet countered him again. Erin took off running.

“E! NO!” Violet shouted. She and Matt ran after her in the kitchen where Violet successfully tackled her before she reached the test. “I’ll be the one to see if I’ve got doodle that can be undone, thanks.” Violet walked over to the counter and snatched up the test. She looked at it. She looked at her friends. She looked at the test. She bit her lip.

Matt made a noise. “WELL?”