Love, Aspen

I was sitting on the couch by myself, watching some stupid old movie that I had found in the back of my closet. Aspen had embarked on her little cleaning job today, taking along my supplies and some of my old clothes. I figured she had found someone’s place to clean, seeing as how she had been gone for almost two hours now. I felt bad for making her go out and clean while I just sat on my ass, but hopefully I would make up for it later. I was reaching for the remote to turn the volume down when my phone started buzzing in the kitchen. I paused the movie and jumped up, grabbing my phone off the counter.

“Hello?”

“Hey Matt, it’s Aly. What’re you doing?”

“Just watching Children of the Corn.”

“Where’s Aspen?”

“Oh, she’s out cleaning houses.”

“Cleaning houses?”

“Yeah, we thought it’d help us out. Some extra money, you know? Craig’s got you working, I gotta get my girl to work too!”

She laughed slightly. “Well I was going to see if you two wanted to come over. I’ve been going through my old clothes and there’s so much shit that I don’t wear anymore. I have stuff from when I was like fifteen and I think that it will fit Aspen.” She paused, “But I guess she can just look at it the next time you guys come over here.”

I shook my head. “Well she’s been gone for a while now, so I don’t think she would mind if I came over and grabbed some stuff. She’s been wearing my underwear and rolling up the waist bands so she can fit into my clothes.” I laughed.

“You know what? I’ll just pack up what I was going to get rid of and I’ll throw it in the car. I’ll bring it over and leave it at your place and she can look through it whenever she gets back. Yeah?”

“Sure, that’d be cool.”

“All right, well I’ll be over there in a few minutes.”

“Okay, see you then.”

I put the phone down on the counter and smiled to myself. I turned the water on in the kitchen and started putting the dishes in the dish washer while I waited for Aly to show up. It’d been a couple weeks since Aspen moved in and my apartment had been considerably cleaner and I’d started to help her clean it up so she wasn’t doing all the work on her own.

Once I finished the dishes, I went into my bedroom and grabbed a sweat shirt just in time to hear the door being knocked on quietly. I opened the door to see Aly. I held the door open for her so she could make her way into the house. She set down two black trash bags that were bursting full of clothes. I laughed quietly and then followed her back outside. Once the door was shut behind us, I pulled out my cigarettes and stuck one in my mouth, lighting it.

“Yuck Matt.” Aly grimaced, fanning away the smoke. “You need to stop smoking.”

I laughed, blowing my smoke in the direction opposite her. “Aspen doesn’t mind it. She even smokes with me.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

I nodded.

“I have a question for you, Matt.”

“And what’s that?”

“Did you and Aspen ever… you know?”

“Me and Aspen?” I laughed, “No, we never had sex. I don’t think she’s ever really had sex with anyone.”

Aly gave me a strange look. “Really?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. She first started hanging out with us because she had this big crush on Sonny and when she realized he wanted nothing to do with her, she just kind of gave up on the whole guy thing. She was a partier, but I never had to keep her from fucking someone or taking off her clothes.” I paused. “I asked her about it once before she went to jail and she just kind of ignored me, didn’t really seem like she wanted to talk about it.”

“So you guys were like, never romantically involved?” She asked. “You know, friends with benefits? First kisses?”

“Nope,” I shook my head. “Never ever.”

“Would you ever?”

“What? Kiss Aspen?”

She nodded. “Like be in a relationship with her.”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, putting out my cigarette. “She has a lot of issues, you know? Wakes up crying every night, she has really bad night mares. She comes from a shit family. No one was ever really there for her when she was younger.”

“Except for you.”

I nodded. “Except for me.”

She smiled up at me. “You know I haven’t said anything because I figured you would just brush me off like you usually do, but…” She paused. “You really seem happier this last week or so that Aspen has been with you. It seems like you’ve got something to live for now.”

“Whatever Aly.” I laughed, looking away embarrassedly.

She laughed. “I told you Matt. I knew you’d say something like that.” She was quiet for a few minutes. “But really, you should think about it. I think you and Aspen would make a cute couple. You’re both a little fucked up in the head. Obviously, Aspen’s got her own issues. And you have your’s. I can’t imagine Aspen is anything like Courtney, especially after the way she’s been treated her whole life.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well,” She said, patting me on the arm. “I’ve got to head home to help Craig out with some of his tracks. He wants my ‘opinion on some things’.” She said, using air quotes. “I don’t know why, he never listens to me. But anyway, I’ll see you later. Have Aspen look through those bags and I’ll take back whatever she doesn’t want. I’ll find something to do with it.”

I laughed at her. “All right. Thanks Al, really.”

“You’re welcome.”

As she walked off, I went inside the house and closed the door quietly, sitting down on the couch and busying myself with the newspaper while I waited for Aspen to show up. It was so quiet without her. Granted, when she was here it wasn’t like we jumped around and yelled for hours on end, but it definitely felt a little lonely without her here. I felt like I lived by myself again and I didn’t necessarily like that feeling.

I raised my head as I heard the door being pushed open. Aspen threw the box of cleaning supplies on the ground and came in right after them, walking slowly towards me. She threw a handful of bills on the table and looked at me desperately.

“Can I please have a smoke Matt?”

I laughed at her and handed her the whole pack, then dug into my pocket for the lighter. I watched as she walked outside and lit her cigarette. I busied myself with counting her earnings until she came in through the back door about five minutes later.

“Fifty five bucks, huh?” I asked. “How’d you manage to make that much? You were only gone for three hours. Thought you were charging eight bucks every hour.”

“I did. But when I cleaned the first lady’s apartment, she was all excited about how clean it was and she gave me twenty. Then I was talking to the second lady while I cleaned and she sat her ass on the couch and I just told her about how I ended up living here and why I was cleaning houses and I think she felt bad for me so she gave me twenty five. Then the last guy gave me a five dollar tip, but I think that was only because he didn’t have any ones.” She laughed. “But I don’t know what we’re going to do with fifty five. Isn’t your rent like four hundred?”

I nodded. “I have some savings still.”

“And no food.” She mused, flicking a package of ramen across the counter.

“I told you—“

She interrupted me, “I know what you told me Matt. I have no money, no food blah blah blah. I know that. I’m just merely stating the fact that we have no food. And if I’m going to fit into your clothes any time soon, you might want to fatten me up.”

I smiled at her. “Speaking of clothes, Aly brought some over for you.”

“Matt—“

“It’s just old clothes she doesn’t wear anymore. She said she might as well let you have them before just getting rid of them.”

“I feel like a fucking charity case.” She mumbled, getting off the couch.

“A charity case wouldn’t be making me a bunch of money.”

“Go fuck yourself!” She said jokingly, dragging both trash bags out to the living room.

I watched for the next hour or so while she made a ‘want’ pile and a ‘don’t want’ pile, then forgot which one was which and had to start over again. In the end, there was only a small amount of the clothes that she didn’t want. She further went to trying them all on, and got rid of a couple more things. She ended up with a few pairs of jeans and a bunch of t shirts. I had even recognized a few of the cotton dresses from when Aly used to wear them last summer.

She threw the unwanted clothes back into one of the bags and retreated to the bathroom to take a shower. About twenty minutes later, she came out to the living room wearing her white t shirt and pair of my boxers, (there were no pajamas in the bags, unfortunately) and sat down next to me on the couch. She clasped her hands together and sighed, leaning against me.

“I’m tired.”

I wrapped my arm around her and rubbed her arm. “Thank you.”

“For being tired?”

I laughed. “For helping me out with the rent. I know it’s not your responsibility, I should be the one taking care of you.”

She picked at a string on my jeans. “I’ve been meaning to say thank you. For a while now. I know I said thank you when I first moved in and everything. But seriously Matt, thank you so much. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be stuck in juvie. I’d probably get out and pull the same shit. And not just because you’re taking me in now, but because you’ve always been there for me. There wasn’t one time that I called you and you didn’t show up.” She paused. “You’ve always fucking been there. And now that I’m older, I’m realizing all the shit you did for me and all the shit you put up with.” She grabbed my hand, squeezing it as she started to cry. “And I’m sorry for anything I did to fuck up your life, honestly. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Aspen.” I spoke quietly, pulling her into my chest. She was bawling hysterically now, crying harder than I’d ever seen her cry. Her body started to shake and she let go of my hand, placing it on my chest and gripping a piece of my shirt between her fingers. I merely rubbed her back and tried to calm her down, but it wasn’t much use. Her wet hair was lying against my skin, making it itch. I could smell the stale cigarette smoke on her fingers and on her breath.

She continued to cry for the next twenty minutes, sniveling and sniffing, only leaning away from me to lift up her shirt and wipe her nose on the bottom of it like a little kid. After a while, she managed to calm down, but her body was still shuddering slightly. Finally, her breathing finally slowed and I moved awkwardly to look down at her face, noticing her eyes were closed. I made myself a little more comfortable and grabbed the remote, turning my movie back on and lowering the volume, letting Aspen sleep.