Take My ***ing Hand

Brendon’s POV

Ryan continued to kiss me aggressively, and I was certain I could feel all his distress and anxiety flooding thorough his lips, making themselves known, even if he wasn’t conscious of it himself.

I continued to kiss back, keeping my hands on his hips. I was afraid to do much else because of what happened last time. He seemed to fragile.

Suddenly his hands moved down past my stomach and my belt until he was cupping me outside my jeans. I gasped and broke away from the kiss, it being unexpected.

He smirked, then leaned down to reattach our lips, his hands moving up to undo the button on my pants.

I broke away again, this time pushing him off slightly.

“Ryan... what are you doing?” I asked, slightly breathless.

“I want you to fuck me” he whispered seductively, before pressing his lips to my collarbone, then trailing down my chest.

I pushed him off again, and sat up to face him.

“Whats wrong?” he asked, confused.

I sighed, then brought my hand up to caress his face.

“Ryan...” I trailed off. “I just... I thought we were taking this slow.” I said, slight confusion weaving its way into my tone.

His look of hurt melted into a smirk before he pushed me back down on my back again.

“Ryan stop.” I said before he could reattach our lips.

“What?” he said, sounding somewhat irritated and impatient.

I sighed again. "Not tonight." I said.

His brow creased again.

"Why not...?" he trailed off, his expression falling into look of hurt realization. "Oh." He mumbled. "Oh okay." He spat bitterly.

He then shoved me away and got up off the couch.

"If you're not attracted to me... If you didnt want to have sex, why did you even..."

"Ryan!" I interrupted. "That's not even... You think I don't want to have sex with you? I have since I first met you if you don't recall. I just... You're not ready." I said.

His look went from hurt to annoyed as he glared at me.

"And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do? Incase you forgot, I am completely capable of making my own fucking decisions. And I want you to fuck me." he finished with a raised voice and crossed arms, staring me down.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, readying myself for a possible meltdown.

"Ryan," I started. "You're hurt. You're upset. Now isn't the right time." I mumbled, reaching out to him.

He rolled his eyes and kept his stance.

"You don't know shit." He grumbled.

"Ryan..."

"I need you!" he exclaimed desperately, his tone slightly resembling a small kid's. "And I thought this is what you wanted, why are you fighting it?"

"I just don't want you to regret this." I said. "You told me yourself that you wanted your first time to be special. I just... no. Not tonight."

"I don't care about that anymore. I just want you. I need you. All of you." He tried.

"No Ryan, you want a distraction." I spat, then instant regretted it once his face fell even more, showing the hurt in his eyes.

"Ryan..." I trailed off. I then opened me arms apologetically, inviting him into my space. "Ryan come here." I said. He didn't budge, so I dropped my arms. "Okay then." I sighed.

I looked up at him, but his gaze was cast on the floor.

"I really care about you." I said. "And right now, your upset. I don't want to do this with you until you really want to, not because you need comfort, but because it's the right time, okay?"

He sighed and wrapped his arms around his body.

I stood up and pulled him towards me, wrapping him in my arms, and pulling him into my chest.

We stood in silence for a moment before I heard a sniffle, and concluded that he was crying again.

"Do you want to tall about it?" I asked softly. He shook his head then moved his hands to cling to my shirt.

I rubbed his back soothingly and mumbled meaningless comforts into his ear.

He pulled away, then wiped pointlessly at the tear stains on my shirt.

"I'm sorry." he said. I'm not sure why, but there was no reason for it.

"Don't apologize." I said. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

He sniffed and wrapped his arms around my neck. "Will you at least kiss me?" he asked

I smiled softly before pressing my lips to his forehead, his cheeks, then finally his lips.

"It will be okay." I whispered.

He sniffed again and wiped away some of his tears. "I hope so." he mumbled back.

"Things will be okay." I repeated. "You still have me. You still have Spencer and Vicky. At least you're not alone."

He sniffed and nodded again.

I let go o him just in time for the front door to open, and my mom to walk in with my sister.

We both froze, as did my mother, looking concerned as she took in Ryan's appearance.

"Brendon, what's going on? Who's this?"'she asked. “What’s going on?”

“Uh, mom, this is my friend Ryan. He’s just having a hard time at home.” I explained very carefully and vaguely. “Can he stay here for the night?” I asked.

Ryan’s eyes widened and he turned to my mother. “No, its okay. I can stay with Spencer or something.” He said to both me and my mother. “You don’t have to...”

My mom rushed to Ryan’s side, placing her arm on his shoulder.
“No, no, sweetie, you can stay here as long as you want. I’m sure Brendon will lend you some of his clothes. And I can make up the couch in Brendon’s room for you too. You should go rest dear.” She said to her in her overbearing mom voice. “Brendon go make him some tea.” She ordered. I gave him a small smile, somewhat apologetic, as I walked into the kitchen.

“No really, I-”

“Hush dear and drink some tea.”