Status: School has started, so updates may be a bit slow<3
It's Not Faith
ThirtyThree
Leila sighed as she dragged the razor against her arm again. There was no stopping her. It was 4:30 am, and she was wide awake sitting in the middle of the floor, razors and bloody tissues all around her. Leila started shaking softly; the pain, yet satisfaction, was consuming her, and she could feel the mental pain and thoughts slow down until ever nerve in her body, every thought in her mind, everything in her body, was focusing on the physical pain. Leila gently let herself lean back until she was lying down on the cold floor. She missed her father, she missed Jimmy, she missed all her uncles. It had been three weeks since the band had left, but thankfully, Leila's birthday was next week, so she would be flying out to New York City, where Avenged was playing on her birthday. She knew that'd be hard, being in her old city, feeling the old, familiar, comforting feeling of being in a city she knew. But she knew that New York was just another chapter in her life. Huntington, and her dad, and the band, they were all just more chapters.
Leila shoved the razors back into her secret box, and stared at her dried cuts. They were red and angry and she couldn't stop looking at them. She ran her hand over them softly, and shuddered with the pain. She pulled herself up and grabbed a pack of cigarettes, before heading downstairs quietly to go to the back pourch. She had been bringing back some old habits lately, smoking, drinking, drugs. Kyle and her had been going out almost every week, and she loved it.
Leila slid the glass door open, and stepped out into the cool California air. She lit her cigarette and inhaled deeply. She walked softly around her garden,her feet getting damp from the dewy grass. She dipping her foot in the pool and sighed. One part of her had an urge to jump the in pool and not go up for air; drown there. Another part of her pushed her back inside. She smushed her cigarette into a near by ash tray and headed back inside. Leila slipped into the kitchen and rummaged for her pills. She had stopped taking them about a week ago, and wasn't looking for them to re-start taking then, she was looking for two containers; one that her shrink had given her; it was to help her when she couldn't sleep or her headaches or her depressed feeling got out of hand. And the other one, the other one was from her own little pharmacy that was created by a few boys that she had met recently. There were Oxy's and Vicodin, and Atavan and Ritalin and Adderal and everything that she could imagine. She took an Oxy and half a Vicodin and headed back upstairs. She wrote a quick not to Val saying that she took one of her pills because she couldn't sleep, and taped it to her door. That would get of out of school for the day. She hadn't been going to school as much as she should have been; Val was very soft on letting her stay home, and Val's signature was very easy to forge.
Leila sighed as she fell onto her bed, just managing to pull down the sleeves of her shirt before she fell asleep.
Leila shoved the razors back into her secret box, and stared at her dried cuts. They were red and angry and she couldn't stop looking at them. She ran her hand over them softly, and shuddered with the pain. She pulled herself up and grabbed a pack of cigarettes, before heading downstairs quietly to go to the back pourch. She had been bringing back some old habits lately, smoking, drinking, drugs. Kyle and her had been going out almost every week, and she loved it.
Leila slid the glass door open, and stepped out into the cool California air. She lit her cigarette and inhaled deeply. She walked softly around her garden,her feet getting damp from the dewy grass. She dipping her foot in the pool and sighed. One part of her had an urge to jump the in pool and not go up for air; drown there. Another part of her pushed her back inside. She smushed her cigarette into a near by ash tray and headed back inside. Leila slipped into the kitchen and rummaged for her pills. She had stopped taking them about a week ago, and wasn't looking for them to re-start taking then, she was looking for two containers; one that her shrink had given her; it was to help her when she couldn't sleep or her headaches or her depressed feeling got out of hand. And the other one, the other one was from her own little pharmacy that was created by a few boys that she had met recently. There were Oxy's and Vicodin, and Atavan and Ritalin and Adderal and everything that she could imagine. She took an Oxy and half a Vicodin and headed back upstairs. She wrote a quick not to Val saying that she took one of her pills because she couldn't sleep, and taped it to her door. That would get of out of school for the day. She hadn't been going to school as much as she should have been; Val was very soft on letting her stay home, and Val's signature was very easy to forge.
Leila sighed as she fell onto her bed, just managing to pull down the sleeves of her shirt before she fell asleep.
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