Wanderlust

Ashlyn hadn’t noticed that there was only one light on in Tom’s cabin until she was already standing at the door. She had driven around town and the surrounding woods for a good two hours and it was starting to get dark. She hated to drive in the dark so she took a deep breath and turned the car towards the cabins, not knowing what the reaction would be when she showed up on the porch with a bag.

Now, with only one light on, Ashlyn was worried that maybe he had gone away for a while. That it had all gotten to be too much, him being away from “civilization” or something. But she noticed the rented car still sitting in the driveway. But she was still worried on how this would go over. They didn’t know each other very well yet, just the basics of everything. And here she was, showing up on his doorstep at almost 9 o’clock p.m. and with the intent to stay overnight until she could figure out how to deal with her current problem.

She had just about talked herself out of it when the door opened and a blonde boy poked his head out.

“Are you gonna stand there all night looking like someone killed your puppy or are you going to come in and tell me what happened?” He asked her and held the door open as he disappeared into the darkness. She sighed and walked inside, taking a look at the woods around the cabins before she shut the door.

He had gone into the kitchen, the room with the light on she realized. And when she saw a guitar propped up on one of the chairs and a mess of papers spread out she was instantly rethinking her ideas all over again.

“I’m…I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you were busy. I’ll…I’ll just go somewhere,“ Tom cut her off with a wave of his hand, “Hush. Let me make you some hot chocolate real quick and we’ll have a chat because last time I checked, girls don’t just show up on my doorstep looking like you do right now.”

She sat her bag down by the door and crept quietly into the kitchen and sat down in the one chair that was the least occupied by other things. He had taken to the small cabin perfectly. If she didn’t know it, she would think that he had lived here his entire life. He hummed a small tune while he stirred the drink for her, something she didn’t even realize until the noise stopped as he stopped and he placed the drink in front of her. He moved the guitar from the seat across from her and set it on the stand that she didn’t notice in the corner of the room and sat down.

“So…What has you here with a bag at almost nine at night, Ashlyn?” He asked, taking a sip of his own mug of hot chocolate.

“I…uh, got into a bit of an argument with my parents and I left. I’m not even sure that I could go back there tonight or at all. So I’m just kind of laying low until I can figure out what I’m going to do,” She said softly, just playing with the spoon that Tom had left in the cup, twirling the chocolate into a vortex and sighing.

“What’s the argument about? And am I going to be in trouble for kidnapping or anything if you stay here tonight? Because if I am, we can go to a bigger town and get a hotel room for the night,” He said, trying not to pry or scare Ashlyn away. He was honestly concerned. He had never really been very good at dealing with girls and their emotional problems so he wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do with the girl across from him.

“They wanted me to give up college,” She whispered and suddenly Tom sort of realized that this was not just a simple argument over taking the garbage out or something like most children had with their parents. This was a huge issue. And he didn’t think it was the first one of its kind to come into Ashlyn’s world.

“For what?” He asked, reaching across the table to stop her hands from the meaningless things that they were doing to the hot chocolate mug. She just shook her head and tried to pry her hand from his, but he kept his grip on hers.

“For yet another experimental treatment for Amanda,” She said softly, trying not to meet his eyes.

“Another one? How many have they gone through?” He asked, wanting to figure out exactly what she was going through.

“I don’t even remember. Too many. None of them have worked, obviously,” She said and finally pulled her hands from his and stood up, pacing from one side of the small kitchen to the other, “It’s my fault, you know?”

“What’s your fault? That none of the treatments work?” He asked, standing up and stopping her from pacing by trapping her in front of the sink, hands on either side of her preventing her from moving anywhere else.

“No. That she’s stuck in that damn chair to begin with,” Ashlyn muttered. Tom sighed, figuring she was going to tell him something like this. He moved the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail to behind her ear, waiting for her to elaborate.

“We used to have horses. Tons of them. I’m sure you’ve seen the empty horse barn and the huge fields that border it,” She said and saw him nod so she took a deep breath and continued, “Well, I’ve always been pretty good at riding. Amanda, well it really wasn’t her thing. She was a cheerleader and riding wasn’t something she really wanted to do but I had convinced her to go out with me on the trail down through the woods. Tommy, that was my horse, and I knew it like the back of our hands. Sylvester, that was the horse Mandy rode whenever she rode, knew it pretty well too.”

She tried to get out of Tom’s arms so that he couldn’t see how she was reacting to telling him this whole thing, but he held her tight, “Please, Tom, please let me go. I need to…I don’t even know. But I need to do something.”

“Ashlyn. Look at me for one second, alright?” He asked and tipped her chin up, “Anything you say right here is not going to matter to me and I’m probably not going to believe you anyway. So you can either stay right here and face what’s obviously been bothering you for years head on, or you can wander around it like you’ve been doing since it happened.”

“I didn’t know it was going to storm or I would have never suggested we go. Amanda wasn’t experienced enough to be out there and I knew that her horse spooked really easily. We were heading back when the first thunder cracked and Sylvester spooked enough to throw her off,” She took a deep breath and Tom stopped her short by catching her tears.

“I knew that she landed badly when I saw her hit the ground. But I never, ever thought this would be the outcome. I was stupid, alright? I should have never asked her to come out with me. I was so young and wanted my sister to be with me or something. I was dumb and look at what happened. I lost my horses; all of them were gone because my parents couldn’t stand to look at them. I lost my sister because she uses her disability as an excuse to do whatever she wants. I lost my parents because they blame me for it,” She sobbed the end, her plan of trying not to make a fool of herself failing completely.

“They can’t blame you, Ashlyn, love. It was a horribly tragic accident,” He said and pulled the broken girl into his arms as she cried.

“That’s where you’re wrong. My mom blatantly told me that tonight. I can’t go back there, Tom. Not now, maybe not ever. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was eleven when it happened for God’s sake. It’s not like I wanted my sister be stuck in a fucking wheelchair forever and a day,” She said and Tom couldn’t believe that something like that had happened to her. All he wanted to do was steal her away and hide her somewhere that nothing could ever hurt her again.