Saving Sloane Winters

Teak C. Richardson
Keywords waking, up, stay, crazy

When I wake up, there are no entangled limbs, no halo of hair resting against my cheek, none of that cute couple shit that chick flicks are fond of showing.

It was just Sloane, mouth opened slightly, her body sprawled out like she was being crucified, her chewed fingernails centimetres away from my nose, her chest rising and falling with every noisy breath she takes.

And there’s me beside her, yet our bodies our feet apart. My shoes chucked somewhere by my waist, goosebumps hidden by the ink on my arms in the cold Woodridge morning air.

I don’t know what to do. Find my shoes and leave, wait for her to wake up so we can have a probably awkward conversation, leave, stay, leave, or—

“Stay,” comes her voice, groggy from sleep. “I know what you’re thinking, and it doesn’t matter. Stay, Teak.”

So apparently she’s telephatic.

I couldn’t have chosen a more wrong girl than Sloane Winters, couldn’t have I?

But she’s got her laconic grin as she moves into a sitting position, and I’m thinking that she’s telling me ‘humour me’. So I do.

“What am I thinking then?”

She sighs and gets up to change out of her crinkled shirt, I only see her singlet underneath though. Oh yeah, a disappointment. “You’re thinking that we’re both so bloody stupid that we can’t be honest to each other and ourselves about feelings, and you’re thinking about ditching this whole thing so we can float about in denial for the rest of our lives.”

She fucking is telephatic.

I can imagine the furrow between her brows as she speaks. "Don't worry though, I'm thinking that too. I know you more than you'd like."

"I don't mind it," I find myself saying honestly, I pick myself up off the floor, and place my hands uncertainly on her bare freckled shoulders. "You know, in case I forget myself, you can remind me who I am."

She rolls her eyes, but manages her own smile, the classic Sloane smile that blinded nearly everyone she met. "I don't think you'll forget who you are, you're too memorable for your own good."

I shrug. "Just sayin'."

Her blue green eyes scrutinise me for a moment. "But I guess I can remind you that you're the stupidest boy I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

"Pleasure, huh?"

She nods. That's the thing, she's brutally honest.

I spy a painting of gray over her shoulder, reminds me of my own eye colour, and I can see the date on the bottom corner, July, 'bout the time our whole living in 'oblivious love' ended. Looking at it, I frown. Lots of emotions must've been chucked on that painting, I'd hate to be the cause of it.

But that's it, I remind myself. You're the cause of pain for every single bloody person in your entire life. Teachers, detention hall chairs, Mum, Quinn, Riley, and Sloane.

'Specially Sloane.

"Can I have it?" I say, nodding over to that painting. Probably burn it later, it was just a bad reminder of this emotion shit we got ourselves into.

Scratch that. I got ourselves into.

She shrugs this time. "I don't care, it's not something I'm that proud of." And she watches while I take it down, and jump down the stairs to shove it into my car. She's got this kind of smile as she sees it in the backseat. Like she's happy she doesn't have to be reminded of that every single fucking day.

"You take lots of things from me, Teak," she remarks as we both slip in the car, and take off, not even knowing where to go.

"Like what, your breath?" Here I am, teasing her. That's how soft I've become.

She snorts. "No, more like my virginity, you scab."

Oh yeah, that.

"If you were curious, I never did anything with Tristan," she murmurs. "I never liked him that way, the way I like you."

Had a feeling she wasn't saying more, I just knew.

"You know when you punched him? I was supposed to hate you apparently. It was his plan, to make me hate you, so that I'd go for him. But I couldn't hate you, I still can't."

"That fucking--"

She cuts me off, voice soft. "Don't hate him, he's good person-- he's just... spoiled."

"Hmm."

"We're both crazy, you know," she says after a while of silence. "So fucking stubborn we can't admit stuff without having some sorta bad influence."

I lean over, and my lips are at her cheek, at her temple, at the side of her mouth. "There's nothing influencing us now, you know."

"You don't know that," she grins, but I can tell she's serious.

I lean back, and sigh. "No, we don't."

"I was wrong," Sloane says, and brings her knees to her chest. "About us both being crazy, I was wrong."

"Why?"

"I'm the only one crazy here, Teak. You're right here, making me feel all weird and nice, and I'm still not giving in."

Shaking my head, I reach over and take her hand. "That just makes you strong."

There's the quirk in her pink lips, and she hums. "Teak?"

"Yeah?"

Pause. It was eating me up, what the hell was she going to say? I hated all this hesitation, it was just

hesitate
hesitate
hesitate

all the fucking time.

"I'm in love with you, you know."

That gets me, and my hands on the wheel of the car jerk and we're pushed to the side. The sound of screeching wheels, my shouts, her screams and then--

Nah, that didn't happen.

Our relationship may have the worst luck in the world, but that was just extreme.

And even though I feel the same, I love her too, I can't bring myself to say it. What the fuck is wrong with you? What can't you just bloody say it?

But she's smiling, and it's as if she understands. "You don't have to say it, Teak. Just know that I love you."

I know now. I want to tell her. And I won't forget.