Remembering the Summers

“I don’t want you guys to leave.” Shiloh said, as her and the guys were out at dinner two days before they left.

“You think we want to leave you Shi? Are you stupid?” Kennedy said while pointing his fork at her. Shiloh frowned and looked over at John, who was smiling at her. She quickly looked away and continued to eat her grilled chicken salad.

Ever since the talk with John a few days ago, she had been ignoring him. He had been pushing her to her limits, and not letting go of the whole ‘being more than just friends’ thing. He wanted her and she could tell. She wanted him too, but the fact that he was going away for five months made her skeptical. She didn’t want him to not have a good time because he would be tied to her.

“What do you think Shiloh?” Garret asked, knocking her out of her trance.

“Hmm?” She said, mouthful of salad.

“Courtney is having a party tonight. Want to come?” He asked her while continuing to eat his burger.

“Oh yeah, I’m down.” She smiled, ignoring Johns gaze once more.

“Then let’s hurry up and eat so we can go get ready.” Pat said, showing spoonful’s of soup into his mouth. Everyone mumbled something and they sat in silence while they finished.

“Be ready in a half an hour.” Kennedy told her when he dropped her off.

“Okay Mr. Bossy.” She said, then slammed the door and walked into her house.

She took a quick shower, and moussed her hair so it was filled with light curls. She put on her favorite pair of denim skinny jeans, and her floral print camisole along with her black ballet flats, applied some eyeliner and mascara, and sprayed herself with her favorite PINK Victoria’s Secret body spray, and was out the door with her purse right as Kennedy pulled into her driveway.

“Well fuck Shi. Who are you trying to look good for?” He asked, a smirk on his face.

She frowned at him and crossed her arms. “Why does it always have to be someone? What if I just want to look decent, jerk?”

“Oh no fucking way, Shi. You don’t wear that top unless you are looking for a hook up. I have been with you to every single party you’ve gone too. And every time you wear that top, you end up either making out with someone or going home with them.”

“Okay, first of all, I only went home once with someone and that was Garret because that is where I was sleeping. And second of all I only made out with like…three guys.” She defended.

“And each of those times you were wearing that shirt. Am I right?” He said, smiling at her.

“Fuck you Kenny.” She laughed.

“I’ve missed that smile.” He said, parking the car and shutting it off.

“You’ve said that every time that I have smiled in the past week.” She said, facing him.

“Well, it’s true.” He said, giving her a soft smile and getting out of the car. She followed suit and linked arms with him as they made their way down the street to Courtney’s house.

They walked in and were greeted by the faces of their friends and the sound of music. Shiloh went straight to the drinks and was about to make herself one when someone handed her a bottle. She looked up and saw John standing there, a shy smile on his face.

“I know how you don’t like this shit most of the time, so I stole some of the Mikes before they were all gone.” He said softly. She smiled at him and gladly took it from him. Twisting the cap and taking a swig all in one motion.

“Thanks John.” She said, biting her lip. She didn’t know what she was getting herself into. She was about to ask him something, but was interrupted.

“Shiloh!” She heard from behind her. She turned and saw a familiar face walk through the crowd.

“Jake!” She yelled as she ran to hug him. He lifted her up and swung her around. Once she was set back onto the ground, she didn’t let go of his sides, and he didn’t let go of her waist.

“Where have you been my whole life!” she exclaimed, hugging him again.

He just laughed and kissed her cheek. “I’ve been working a lot these past few months. That’s why I haven’t called you to hang out.” He frowned.

“Ugh, lies. You just wanted to ditch me.” She said dramatically.

“Oh, right.” He laughed.

She had forgotten about John and turned to see if he was still there, but he wasn’t. She wouldn’t let him make her feel bad.

“You look absolutely beautiful, Shi.” He whispered to her. She felt herself blush and take him all in.

Jake went to her high school and was a year ahead of her. When he graduated they had lost touch a little bit, and it made her sad. She hadn’t seen him in months.

“Thanks Jake.” She said, turning slightly away so he wouldn’t see the extent of her blushing. He laughed again, grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd out to the back of the house. There wasn’t much of a yard; there was a small garden full of flowers and a small patio where some other guests were occupying the seats. He led her near to the garden and sat down on the edge of the pavement. She followed suit, sitting closer to him than she realized.

They sat there for a moment and she took this time to take in his appearance. He hadn’t changed much since she last saw him, but she did notice that he had built muscle. He looked bigger, but not ugly big. Just bigger. He still had those amazing teal eyes she loved, and those perfect full lips she always wondered what it would be like to kiss. He was still tan, his unique white/native American features did that too him.

“What are you looking at?” he asked, looking down at his hands. She shrugged and looked away to the garden. She smelt the sweetness of the roses.

“Shiloh, can I ask you something?” he asked, looking back at her. Shiloh nodded then returned her gaze back to the flowers. He moved closer to her, and placed his hand on her knee. She didn’t find it odd, or uncomfortable. “I was wondering if-“

“Shiloh what are you-oh.” Kennedy said, walking out of the back door and onto the patio. He looked between Shiloh and Jake and she saw a few things register through his mind. His eyes grew sharp and Shiloh suddenly felt self-conscious.

“Do you need anything Kennedy?” she asked, looking away from him. She saw disappointment all over his face.

“Yeah, can you come here please.” He asked her nicely, which made the guilt grow inside her. “Hello Jake, long time no see.” He said, making small talk with Jake.

“Yeah, long time.” Jake said, glaring at him.

Shiloh got up and looked down at Jake. “Find me later?” she asked, a small smile still on her lips. No matter how Kennedy made her feel, Jake would always make her feel good about herself.

“Of course.” Jake smiled up at her. Shiloh nodded then walked into the house with Kennedy.

Before she even made it ten feet into the house, Kennedy had her by the arm and was pulling her of in a whole other direction.

“What were you thinking?” he asked, obviously upset.

“Kennedy, you know Jake and I go back to high school. I haven’t seen him in forever! We were just talking.” She told him, suddenly on the verge of being furious.

“Shiloh, did you not see the way he was looking at you? He wanted to do more than talk.” Kennedy said, lowering his voice. He didn’t sound mad, just curious.

“No he didn’t.”

“He had his hand on your knee Shi…Shiloh, I don’t like Jake.” Kennedy said, avoiding her gaze.

“Well, I figured you never really cared for him. But why?” she asked, thrown off by the topic change.

“That’s not important Shi. Just, keep a distance from him, please?” he asked, giving him his famous puppy dog stare. She couldn’t say no.

“Okay.” She whispered. They walked back into the main part of the house and Shiloh couldn’t raise her mood. She was so absorbed in wanting to know why Kennedy didn’t like Jake that she didn’t even notice John talking to someone. And it wasn’t just someone. It was Haven. She felt her heart drop.

“John, I’ve missed you so much. Please come-“

“No, Haven you heard me.” John said, and then turned around, making him face Shiloh. She didn’t know what the look on his face meant, but something passed between them then. Something she knew would change her.

“But John-“ Haven started, but wasn’t able to finish.

“Shiloh.” He smiled, grabbed her hand, and led her through the crowd, leaving a panting Haven behind.

“What happened back there?” Shiloh asked, once they stopped. They were upstairs in the ‘game room’. No one was in there, so they decided to occupy it.

“She wanted me back. But I said no.” John said, making it sound like no big deal.

“Why?” Shiloh asked softly.

John looked directly into her eyes, “Why do you think?” Shiloh was quiet.

“Shiloh, I’m not going to run off and screw everything with a vagina. I told you that I loved you. And I mean it.” He said, and then looked away, his face pained.

“I-I love you too John.” She whispered. She was surprised that John looked at her, the pained expression still there.

“But there is Jake.” He said simply. Shiloh sat there, speechless. This was the second time in one night that the conversation has surprised her.

“There has never been Jake. It’s always been you. Jake is just a friend, well…to me. I think it’s one sided now that I think about it. Kennedy said he liked me, in a ‘more than friends’ way.” She said, still processing that whole conversation in her head.

“Is that such a surprise for you?” He asked, genuinely curious.

She was silent for a few moments, thinking about it. “Yes. I’ve only had a few boyfriends John, but during them, I always thought of you. And now that I know how you feel, I can’t imagine other guys liking me. All I ever wanted was for you to like me, just you. Now that you do, I don’t really care about other guys.” She admitted; feel completely naked in front of him. She didn’t share her true feelings, unless Kennedy forced them out of her.

“I see.” Was all he said, before grabbing her hand and kissed it softly. She moved toward him, fully aware that this was against what she had told herself. ‘Just friends’ wasn’t the case anymore. She realized then she could never be just friends with him.

He touched her cheek and sent shivers all throughout her body. She reached up and put her hand on his neck, leaning to him. She felt his lips meet hers and felt warmth spread through her whole body. She leaned back onto the couch and John followed suit, placing his body carefully over hers. They continued kissing and touching until they were sure that something else was going to happen, and that’s when she stopped.

“I-I don’t think I am ready for that today.” She confessed, looking at his face to see if he understood. He did.

Instead of leaving, John strategically placed his body next to hers, so they were both lying on the couch comfortably. He continued to stroke her hair, and she drifted in and out of sleep.

“What made you change your mind?” he asked softly.

Shiloh knew the answer, but it wasn’t going to be what he wanted to hear. She looked into his eyes as she spoke. “Seeing you say that to Haven made me change my mind… And knowing that even though this happened, we still can’t be together when you leave in two days.” She continued before John could say anything. “Just hear me out John, please.” She asked, waiting for him to answer.

“Okay.” Was all he said, his face lined with sadness.

“When you leave on this tour, I want you to be able to do anything you want. I don’t want you to be tied down to me. I want you to have fun. And if we aren’t together, then none of us can get hurt if something where to happen. When you get back, we can be together.” She finished, looking ad their hands.

“Shiloh, I am not going to do anything.” John whispered. She smiled softly at him.

“I know, but this is what I want, just in case. I don’t want to get hurt. Please John.”

He looked at her then, nodding sharply. Then his mouth found hers again, and they continued what they started. Not stopping for a very long time.