Mixed Feelings of Elation

The alarm of Neon's bedside clock blared in an obnoxious tone. Neon groaned from inside her cocoon of sheets and comforters, one hand darting out from the mass and shutting the alarm off with one swift hit. She peaked out from her safety zone to read the numbers on the clock. '9:00AM' the clock blared, its neon numbers assaulting Neon's eyes. Neon felt a jab of pain run through her head. She clutched the sides of her head and curled into a ball inside of her cocoon.

It hurt so badly. She used to have headaches when she stopped eating but never as bad as this. They were only mild aches that came with lack of food. Neon just wanted to stay in bed, curled in a ball, praying for the pain to stop.

She couldn't though. The reason she set her alarm was so she could get to Lestat's house in time to help Arpeggio get through meeting Jack's parents.

Neon threw the cocoon from her body. The sheets and comforters created a large pile on the floor. Over the course of the night, Neon had gotten extremely cold. She kept getting up to get spare comforters and sheets in hopes of keeping her body warm. Another side effect of not eating properly.

Neon shielded her eyes from the sun's unforgiving rays. It was only making her head hurt worse. She stood and stumbled to her drawers, grabbing a set of clothes for the day and a pair of sunglasses. She slipped the sunglasses on in order to block the sun seeping into her room from her window. Her feet dragged against the floor as she walked toward the bathroom to shower. A hard object hit her foot and cascaded across the floor.

"Shit," Neon hissed, grabbing her throbbing foot.

The headache was only aiding in making her angrier.

Neon glared at the offending object. Though she technically hit the object, she was mentally blaming it, cursing it for getting in her way while she walked. She grabbed the small, rectangular object off the floor, prepared to chuck it across her room only to realize it was her lost cell phone. She stared at it, still angry that it got in her way. The red light on her phone flashed on and off signaling that she had a message of some sort. Curiosity got the better of Neon. Instead of tossing the phone in rage, she pressed the 'end call' button. The display to her phone lit up. She pressed a few buttons, managing to call her voicemail. She put the phone on speaker. Holding it to her ear would only cause her head more pain.

Neon walked toward the bathroom as she waited for the automated voice to stop talking and let her listen to the message.

"First unheard message," the automated voice said.

It was silent for a second. The person on the other end cleared his throat.

"Um, hey, Neon. It's Alex," the message started.

Neon sighed. Why did he have to call and leave a message? When did he even get her number?

"I know, you don't have my number and I'm not supposed to have yours since you never gave it to me so this makes me seem even more like a stalker. It doesn't help that I'm calling at six in the morning, does it?"

He chuckled. It was dry, lacking any feeling behind it.

"Well, I got your number from Jack. I just needed to talk to you. Look, I'm sorry about what happened. Not that we slept together but that we fought and I left. I should have stayed to talk things out with you. I feel terrible that I made you feel that way."

Neon's heart ached at the sentiment. He called to apologize for walking out when she was the one who kicked him out. He had no reason to apologize. He was just doing what Neon told him to, like he always did.

"I'm an idiot, okay? Please, call me back so we can talk about this. There's a lot that you need to understand, that I need to tell you. Call me when you get this."

He proceeded to rattle off his number even though he should have known that Neon's phone saved it under missed calls. Neon turned off her voicemail when it began playing past messages and placed her phone on the edge of the sink.

She wasn't going to call him back yet. She wasn't ready. She did want to make up because she did miss Alex. But she was not ready to drop her defenses and apologize. She had a habit of holding grudges and this was no exception.

Even though she was in the wrong. She knew she was the reason he walked out; she knew she did the wrong thing by telling him to leave. It was just hard to forgive him for how she thought he was thinking.

He said there was a lot that he needed to tell her. Neon didn't know what that meant. There could have been a number of things that Alex had to tell her. Maybe that he used her. Maybe that he hated her. Maybe that he had a girlfriend in another state and she couldn't find out what happened between them.

She wasn't mentally prepared for that. Not to mention that her head was throbbing worse now.

The lead singer hoped that a hot shower would help get rid of the headache. Eating would likely help but she couldn't do that this morning. If she were to go to Lestat's, her band mates would try to force food down her throat and succeed. With the approaching interview, it would be hard to tell them "no" especially with Lestat being so anal about her weight.

She would just take a warm shower as opposed to the cold one she normally took and take a couple of pain relievers. That would end the pounding in her skull.

Hopefully.

Neon stripped from her sleeping attire and turned on the shower, stepping in when she was sure it was warm enough. Everytime she went on a diet stint, she took cold showers. It allegedly burned more calories.

Not that she really needed to go on a diet. With the band, she was normally busy. Performing, doing interviews, recording, writing, signing autographs; it all normally kept her away from food for long periods of time so she stayed thin. This past few days had been a break. In the coming days, the only things she had to do were an interview and a band practice. It was different to have so much time on her hands.

Though she had been working on lyrics for the new album. The rest of the band was working on their parts. At the band practice coming up, they would put things together. It was how they wrote.

Neon showered quickly, not wanting to spend more time than necessary under the water. She stepped out and ran a fluffy, white towel over herself. As she dried her skin, her eyes caught on the mirror above her sink. Her eyes darted over her body.

The only time she could see her true self was when she was naked. She had no clothes to measure her body with. In the mirror, she could see her hip bones protruding, her rib cage partially visible, the slight indent of her cheeks. She could see how small her arms and legs were.

Neon could see why the tabloids were picking on her.

She tore her eyes from the mirror—yanking on her undergarments, jeans, and tank top. The jeans hung loose on her hipbones; the tank top was a little too big. She didn't bother with makeup as she wasn’t doing any special appearances today. She put on the sunglasses to protect her eyes from light and grabbed the cell phone from the sink, slipping it into her pocket. Neon left the bathroom and bedroom in search of medication.

Though the pounding in her head was the only thing keeping her awake, she wanted to get rid of it.