Don't Give up on Me

I felt the rain begin to descend as I walked the familiar path down to the lake. Danny and I had discovered this place months ago when we were on an innocent walk, trying to figure out what to do; way back before he had found out I was pregnant. We had come down here multiple times, just to talk and have fun. But not once did we come down here when he knew I was pregnant. And something inside of me told me that he’d be here now.

“Dan?” I whispered, walking off to the water to take a look at the bright sun over the shallow water. A figure appeared beside me and I knew it had to have been him. I turned, though I knew that he’d be mad, and I sighed. He had a look of shock and annoyance on his features and I did nothing but sigh in relief that I had found him.

“What are you doing down here?” he whispered, tilting his head to the side. “How did you know I was here?” He then asked, and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I want to be happy.” I whispered, causing Danny to furrow his eyebrows in complete confusion. “I want to be able to smile in pure joy rather than a fake one that I need to pass me on until the next day. I just want to find someone I know that I can trust, that wont run from me if I say the wrong thing.” I whispered, looking down at my stomach as a frown over took my features.

“Rachel said that you forgave the person that had raped you and hurt you…” Danny whispered, causing me to turn to him. “Why can’t you do the same for me?” he added, and I knew that I had to make a choice. I had decided when I began my walk down here that I was to forgive him right away. I’m the stupid one that forgave the person that had raped me…but I couldn’t forgive him? I took a deep breath, “I know what I did was wrong, but I’d always had thought that you’d forgive me way before than you’d forgive him. I mean…come on Niccy.” He murmured, and I knew that he was right.

“I know, Danny, I’m stupid. I understand that. But I had forgiven him because he seemed genuinely sorry. He wouldn’t stop apologizing and I couldn’t just hold a grudge-” I stopped mid-sentence as Danny caught me off.

“Do you just hear yourself? Do you hear what you just said!? ‘He seemed genuinely sorry. He wouldn’t stop apologizing and I couldn’t just hold a grudge!’ Did you hear any of the word that I had said to you after you walked in? I apologized night and day. I ran after you every time…and I waited in a fucking train station for 9 hours…waiting for you. Was that not genuine enough for you? Should I have stayed for 10 hours? Or maybe…maybe I shouldn’t have waited for you at all…because I can guarantee that the asshole who got you pregnant, didn’t try to apologize once before you had ran from him.” Danny shouted, leaning towards me with an upset look in his eye. I felt tears bore at the back of my eyes, but I didn’t let that stop me as I started to get upset to.

“That has nothing to do with this-” I tried, but I knew that he’d call me out on that too. Which, in all honesty, he did.

“That has every right to do with this! Don’t you understand? You forgave the man that hurt you…before you could actually consider that I’m sorry for what I did. I did the wrong thing and I’ve been beating myself up about it…” he turned to me, unsteady as he poured out his every emotion. I couldn’t help but cry; the tears appearing as if they were on cue…as if my tears knew that he would make me cry so suddenly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t apologize right then and there…I’m sorry I was too late-” he stopped as I cut him off.

“You see how that feels? Being too late.” I muttered, placing my hand on his chest and pushing him backwards. “I was too late in saying that I love you, and you were too late upon apologizing.” I reasoned, and he nodded sadly. “I don’t want to keep fighting with you. Every time we try to have a civil conversation, it ends in a fight and one of us storms away.” I whispered, looking down at my stomach with a tearful frown.

“But what if this is all it’s ever going to be like? Fighting. I don’t think I can handle another.” Danny muttered, and I looked up at him, shrugging my shoulders with no answer…no emotion.

“Me neither.” I whispered, nodding my head. He turned out to the lake and ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. I knew that we had messed up somewhere along the line, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I had told him about my pregnancy, and he was the most perfect person to help me with it. But somehow…somewhere…it broke us apart.

“Then I guess this is it…” he whispered, and I jolted forward. Maybe I had heard him wrong, but I knew I hadn’t. “I’m sorry, Niccy.”

“So you’re just going to give up?” I stammered, taking a breath as I knew that he was…he was giving up on everything. “After everything we’ve been through…you’re just going to bid good day and leave?” I muttered, wiping another tear.

“There’s nothing else we can do, Niccy. I love you, I really do, but that baby isn’t mine. I don’t think I could watch her be born, pretend to be her father, when I know that I’ll never be. It’s not right, and I won’t be able to wrap my mind around it. That…guy is her father, and he has a right to take that roll. Go back to him, after all; you forgave him first. Maybe he’s the one, the one that will bring you the happiness you strive for. I just don’t think I can handle another fight between us." He wrapped his arms around himself to keep warm, and cried out.

"Please, Danny...don't give up on me." I cried, shaking my head, trying to pretend as if this were a dream. But i knew that it wasn't.

"I’m sorry…I just…I have to go… Good luck out there, she’ll always love you…and so will I. Just…I’m sorry.” He had pulled me into a hug before he rushed back toward the house…right out of my life.

“Danny.” I cried, falling to the ground with a thud as I brought my legs up, sticking my head in my arms as I rocked back and forth, crying my heart out. He had left me without another word.