I Wish I Could Save You

The air was thick with sadness. There was a slight chill, a seemingly appropriate weather for the occasion. Friends and family gathered in the cemetery to send their beloved to the afterlife in peace. The preacher droned on, talking about how good of a person she was. Tom felt anger rise in him with each of the preacher's words.

He didn't know her. He didn't know her like Tom knew her. He didn't truly know how good of a person she was.

A month into her treatments, Trip passed away. She was at home; Tom found her in her bed when he went to get her for their daily outing. It had become a custom for him to stay with her all day everyday during that month of treatments. He even brought her to practices with him. It didn't take much persuading once his coach found out she was a cancer patient.

But the day he tried to wake her up to find she wasn't breathing was no normal outing. He planned a trip to the local zoo and later dinner at a nice restaurant where he would fully express his feelings that had grown for her since she confessed her love for him.

The doctors told him her death had been quick, that she felt no pain. Tom knew that the month leading up to it was one of the most painful for her. He was around her everyday; he saw the way her body changed. No matter how much cheering up he tried to give her, she just would not brighten. He felt she knew she would not make it.

No one else in the crowd could say they had been there while she slowly faded. Her other friends avoided her, stopping by maybe once directly after she was diagnosed. Her family lived in California. They should have been able to send at least one family member to take care of her but they were too busy. Everyone thought she would pull through again so they didn't worry. The people standing around him sobbing at the loss of Trip didn't understand. They weren't there.

He knew she was in a better place now. A place where she couldn't feel the pain anymore. He couldn't cry because he knew she was happier.

He was sad though. It was only yesterday that they shared their first kiss together. It was completely spontaneous. She looked so cute while she was laughing at something he said, he couldn't contain himself. He could remember how shocked she looked when he pulled away; her jaw slacked partially, eyes wide, light flush coating her cheeks.

She was so cute.

Then he spoke the words "I'm in love with you too" and her face lit up like a Christmas tree. It was the only time he saw a real smile on her face for the entire month. He was glad he could make her happy for her last day on Earth. He just wished she could have stayed alive for one more day, for the late dinner he planned where he was going to tell her he wanted to be with her when the cancer went into remission.

He wished even more that he could have saved her.

There was a tug on his pant leg. He turned his vision from the casket where the woman he loved lay to the little girl holding onto his pant leg. Her black hair shown without the sunlight and her brown eyes filled with curiosity, just like Trip. He knelt down to eyelevel with the small girl.

"What is it, Fall?" Tom asked.

"Why is everyone crying?" she asked.

Tom searched for the words to tell the young girl. He didn't want to hurt her.

"Your sister has moved on," he said, hoping she would catch the hint.

He knew Fall was a smart child from the day he met her but the concept of death was sometimes too much. She had even caught onto how her name said with her older sibling's was 'Trip and Fall.' Trip and Tom often debated on whether Fall was named simply to finish the phrase or if she was named after the season. They decided her parents had a sick sense of humor.

"What does that mean?"

"She's in Heaven now, sweetie. She's an angel," he tried.

Trip's little sister seemed to understand that. She nodded to herself a few times, an action that Trip used to do when she was thinking. He waited, knowing she had something else to ask.

"Can I visit her in Heaven?" Fall asked.

"One day, sweetie."

Fall nodded again.

"Is this because she was sick?" the young girl asked.

"Yes."

"I never want to get sick again," she pouted and crossed her arms.

Tom smiled. There was a small possibility that Trip's sister would suffer from cancer. It ran in their family. Though, it affected the women in elder years more than in their younger years. Trip's cancer was a breach in her genetics; she was diagnosed with it younger than anyone in her family had been.

"Why aren't you crying?" Fall asked.

She was always so full of questions.

"Because your sister isn't hurting anymore."

The preacher had stopped talking and people were laying roses on Trip's coffin. Tom scooped Fall into his arms, careful not to damage either of their single roses. They waited in the back of the group of people. Tom had asked to be the last one to put his rose on her coffin when the funeral arrangements were made; Trip's parents agreed to it. The crowd dispersed, leaving Fall and Tom as the only people still holding roses. Tom held Fall over the coffin. She placed her rose on top, along with a kiss on the lid. When she was done, Fall wiggled out of Tom's hold and ran to meet her mother.

Tom sighed, placing the rose on the lid of the coffin. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a bright pink wig. The knots were smoothed out with ease. He kissed the top of the wig before placing it on the coffin near the roses. Tom watched as the casket was lowered into the ground.

"I love you," he whispered.