Just Another Lovesick Boy

When we entered middle school, there were numerous rumors that circulated that said that Eddy and I were gay and together. We did not deny or confirm the rumors when people asked because we agreed that it did not matter. We felt that our sexuality did not matter when it came to our personality. The rumors held strong when we were often found hugging each other or, mostly in Eddy’s case, biting each other’s necks. Eddy and I had no problem being that close together. We were intimate people and we did not mind touching each other. The rumors occasionally kept rising but we were only a pair of weird people in a lake of many in a sea of others at high school. And we did not care.

We were lying together on Eddy’s bed in silence. Both of us were facing each other on our sides, my arm around his waist and his hand stroking where the bruise decorated the side of my face. I attempted to keep my gaze avoided from his but after a few moments, I could not help but stare into his eyes. He stared at me with concern and no pity, which I deeply appreciated.

His hand stroked my cheek and brushed over my mouth before landing gently on my waist. “Tell me what happened.”

Without looking away from Eddy’s blue eyes, I told him everything that happened in the near two weeks that I survived without Eddy. I did not hold anything back about Nara Lee, Jack, or Cecilia. He had a few inquisitive looks when it came to Nara Lee and shocked ones when it came to Cecilia. He stayed silent the entire time. It was only when I told him of what happened in my dining room with Jack that he spoke up.

“Bastard,” he growled as his grip on my waist grew tighter.

I went silent for a few moments as I tapped two of my fingers on Eddy’s waist for a few moments. Though I was completely ecstatic that we were in each other’s lives, there was still something bothering me since Eddy decided to take his leave of absence. I heard his voice echoing in my head from the day that he had decided to ignore me. I couldn’t shake the feeling of how I felt when I realized how Eddy felt.

“Why do you feel invisible, Ed?” I asked.

He sighed once before pushing his long black hair back and speaking, “It’s not that I don’t appreciate you, Age, I really do. But it feels like you’re seriously my only friend. And I guess I’m just jealous because you have friends other than me.”

“Like who?” I asked in confusion.

“I don’t know. You’re just cool with everyone.”

“Dude, I’m cool with them. I’ll talk to others and be on good general terms with them but I’m not friends with anybody else.”

“What about Nara Lee?” he asked.

“And what about Anya?”

“I only talked to her because of you.”

“I only talked to Nara Lee because of you,” I countered.

“So you don’t have any others?”

“Well, I do admit that I’m friends with Nara Lee now. And on decent terms with Anya. Is that acceptable?”

“I guess,” he mumbled as he pulled me closer to hug me.

“What do you have against Nara Lee?”

“She was taking you away from me. I was so used to you ranting about her but never being with her. I didn’t know how to adjust.”

“Anya said something about your mom.”

Eddy nodded slightly as he buried his face into my neck. “I didn’t want to lose you like I lost her.”

I pursed my lips as I tightened my grip on his waist. I inhaled deeply before I moved my arms higher so they gripped him around his shoulders. I placed on hand on top of Eddy’s head as I pressed my cheek to the top of his head. Eddy always had a problem with talking about his emotions. Eddy was as far from masculine as anyone could get so it was not his pride getting in the way of that. Perhaps he just never really learned how to. When Eddy’s mother died, Eddy did not talk about it for weeks. He just simply pretended that he always lived life without her. Talking to Eddy about his mom was like he never had a mother. He never talked about her and he never cried. Neither did his father nor his sister. His father rarely showed emotion unless he was happy or into his photography and Free was only three at the time, she could not comprehend the fact that she was supposed to be sad or that she would never see her mother again. I was always jealous of the Devereux family because of their solid structure, even after Antonia Devereux died. She died. She was killed and taken away from them. My father chose to leave us. So I was always jealous of them. But I was not jealous about how they never talked to each other about feelings. I could freely and gladly talk to my mother about anything in the world.

“You know, sometimes I’m jealous of you and your mom,” Eddy mumbled into my shoulder.

“What do you mean?” I asked him as I furrowed my eyebrows.

“You’re able to talk to your mom so freely. You’ve always been able to. But I’ve never been able to. Even when she was alive. I loved my mom but she was so focused on keeping everyone happy that she sometimes ignored bad things and pretended they never happened. I learned from the pro.”

I remained silent after he stopped talking. I could not imagine anybody being jealous of my quiet little family. All I had was a loving mother and a deadbeat dad and damaged soon-to-be step-mother. What was there to be jealous of? My family was just average. An average life is nothing to be jealous of. I really did not understand. But I suppose Eddy might say the same thing about his own family.

“Nara Lee asked me a while back who I would pick if I was forced to choose between you and her,” I whispered to him. Eddy’s breath caught in his throat as his grip around my waist tightened. “I asked her if she was sincerely asking me that. I already knew who I would pick.”

“Who?”

“Are you really asking me that? No matter the situation, I’d choose you over Nara Lee any day.”

“Why?”

“You’re my twin, Ed. There’s no changing that. I’m never going to let my brother go.”

After a moment of a silence, Eddy said, “Dude.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure we have the ultimate bromance. Might not rival Harry and Ron but we’re pretty damn close.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” I laughed as I pushed Eddy off of me. “Surely, you can’t be serious.”

“I am Sirius. And don’t call me Shirley,” he grinned widely as he pulled me closer to him by my waist.

That was the only time I could ever indulge Eddy in his Harry Potter related lines. In serious moments that he knew I could not stand, I would drop the line and he would drop a large grin. I stared at Eddy, taking in his huge smile and his red rimmed eyes. I appreciated beauty in men and women. And Eddy was a beautiful person, in every sense of the word. I always found dark hair and light eyes attractive and whereas most people had to fake one or both, Eddy had both naturally. And Eddy was a remarkably kind person. He did have his moments in which he seemed rude but he was simply honest.

I was never one for sexuality. I had dated girls. I had been attracted to guys. I was interested in Nara Lee. I did not see the point in being labeled in my sexuality. I appreciated people for who they were and their gender did not define them. Did that make me pansexual or did that make me human? But regardless of what I was labeled to be and regardless of rumors, I knew there was a genuine fact about it.

Eddy was beautiful and I was not letting him go.