Caged Mentality

POV: Riel Carlin

I heard the doorbell ring. I looked over at the clock. Seven thirty... in the morning... on a Saturday. Who would be at my door? Sighing, I rolled back over, covering my head with a pillow. Maybe they would just go away if I didn't answer.

The ringing stopped after another minute. I drifted off into a light sleep, then waking abruptly.

“Come on! Time to get up!” Eli exclaimed, pulling the blankets off of me and tossing the pillow across the room.

I glared at him a moment then stood up. My hand rested on my forehead, eyes on the floor. Really?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I screamed throwing my arms in the air. “Its freakin' seven in the morning! Shouldn't you be asleep?”

He laughed at me. “I couldn't sleep. So I came here. We're going to see Mom and Dad.” He went over to my closet, picking out an outfit, and started pulling the shirt over my head.

I shoved him back, pulling the shirt down myself. “What are you doing? I can dress myself and I don't want to see dad!” I sighed heavily picking up a pair of pants he'd thrown at me and slipping into them. “You have serious issues today...”

He shrugged leaving the room and coming back with a cup of coffee. He shoved it in my face after forcing me to sit down in a nearby chair.

“Get out of my face you fucktard!”

“Oh come on Riel, drink it. We're going to see them.”

“What for? It's too early for this... How did you get in my house anyway?” I demanded, standing back up. He shoved me back in the chair forcing me to take the cup.

He just shrugged. “I have a key, of course. Besides, we're gonna clear up this mess with dad. I wanted to talk to you before we went though.”

I guess I was going to get some long life story now or something. It's not that I didn't want to know, I just didn't want to know right now. It's too early in the morning and he woke me up!

I kept my eyes on him, glancing at the clock again, and then focused on him. “What did you want to talk about then? You and Isaac? I don't wanna hear about whatever it is you two are doing. Sure, I’m happy if you are but I am still not exactly okay with the whole mess.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “I'm not gonna start with Issac... But I need to tell you the truth about some things. And don't even laugh or do your 'I told you so' shit. I wanna talk about this seriously. Not joking around. Okay?”

I nodded my head. “Fine.” I sipped on the coffee pulling it away from my mouth instantly. “This is so freakin hot! What did you do? Boil it for hours till it reached over two-hundred?”

“I just made it, calm down. Oh yeah...” He walked out of the room again, and then came back. “I forgot to add the cream... Or is it milk you like? You never drank coffee around me. Not til you became all office-boringy...”

I took the milk from him, pouring it into the cup, then watched him leave and come back for the third time.

He pulled a chair over and sat in it. His eyes stayed aimed at the wooden floor. Awesome conversation...

“So... Eli?”

“Oh, yeah... right.” he paused taking in a deep breath, then looked at me. “I first want to apologize... For how I acted growing up. In regards to you being gay that is. I’m not apologizing for anything else.” He laughed a bit, probably recalling a few things I wish he had apologized for.

“Really?” I stated dully. “How about when you left me at school for the night when mom and dad went out of town?”

“Okay... And that...”

“Or the time that you made fun of me in front of the entire class room. I couldn't be around anyone but you and Spence for the next, like, four months!”

“Well kinda that too I guess... but really I did you some good there... They weren't worth your time.”

“And there was that time that you ate all the candy I bought and then tackled me for complaining about it. You made my tooth fall out then too!”

He laughed. “I'm not sorry about that one. You deserved it! You were so freakin bitchy! And the candy was so worth the trouble.”

“You're an ass.” I threw a pillow at him.

“Anyway... I never acted like I understood because I hated that you were okay with it.”

I shrugged. “There isn't anything wrong with it. So I don't know why it matters.”

He looked at the window then back at me. “I wasn't okay with being like that. You were. I was kind of envious of it. I messed around with so many girls... and you did that one time... but I hated it,” he mumbled, resting his hand on my knee, then removing it.

I guess it made sense. He screwed so many of them it should have been obvious he was just making it seem like he was straight. That and a collection of other things.

“I...” He bit his lip. “Isaac isn't the first guy. Kris wasn't my first kiss with a guy either. I... Well, after you left for college, I met this guy at a show we were doing. He was in his own band. The rest of our band was off talking to each other or picking up chicks and I went outside. I didn't want to screw some random girl. I hated it.”

“So you just waited outside for all of them?”

He half laughed. “No. That would've been forever. I was just kind of thinking of everything. I was playing my guitar alone outside. Then there was this voice that started singing and at first I was like 'okay, time to lay off the drugs' but he stopped in front of me singing along with some weird song.”

xxx

POV: Eli Carlin

“You had an awesome voice up there on stage. Not any different out here either.” I smirked, looking up at him. He was very attractive... I mean he would be if I found men attractive... or I guess maybe I did, but I couldn't right? I liked women... no... well, yes.

He bowed sarcastically. “Thank you, thank you.” He grinned back at me. “I very much like your guitar playing. Matches well with my voice, I must say.”

I shook my head. He was an ass, but I liked that. “Why aren't you inside?” I nodded towards the building. “Lots of chicks in there. Sure you'd find one to your liking.”

“I could ask you the same thing, couldn't I?”

I nodded then looked at the ground. “I guess that's true.” I didn't want that to be true... Well, I guess spending time with him was a lot better. I didn't want him to go in and leave me here. He was attractive, that's what I had finally concluded, at least I thought I did. I couldn't quite make up my mind.

The black and gray plaid skinny jeans fit him nicely along with an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt. His messily piled black hair covered most of his face but you could still see part of his left eye.

He sat beside me. “I'll be honest with you.” He hit my arm lightly with his hand then looked up at the sky and back at me. “I've been having a hard time with my sexuality lately.” He shrugged as if it was nothing. Was he trying to tell me he was gay? Or was he really a girl who looked like a dude?

He looked at me expectantly. Did he know I was too? Or was he just waiting for me to flip out?

“You're a quiet guy? I wouldn't have thought that.” He laughed. “Or are you just confused yourself?”

Where did he get that from? Was I being obvious?

“I-I'm not quiet I just don't... Know what to do...”

“About your sexuality?” he asked.

“Yeah... I mean no. No... To respond...” He placed a finger over my lips looking at me. His eyes were serious. A lovely shade of brown as well. Wait, no... No. I had to save myself here.

He waited another moment before speaking. “You're having the same problem. It's okay.” He laughed lightly removing his finger and looked back at the sky. “You know, I don't even know your name. Mine's Aubrien.”

That was a very unique name. It was nice though. “Eli.” I stated hoping he'd drop the topic and now forget I said anything.

“It's nice meeting you then, Eli.” He smiled up at me showing a row of perfectly straight, white teeth.

I removed my gaze from him looking down at my guitar plucking a random string. He put his hand over mine, keeping his eyes locked on me.

“You don't have to be so awkward about it. It's normal.”

I shook my head. “It's not... but I probably should think so. I mean, my twin brother is gay and he's completely fine with it. I don't want to...” I sighed heavily wondering why I was even bothering to spew this shit at some guy I didn't even know.

He laughed. What was funny? “What's so bad about it though? I mean, have you ever even kissed a guy? How do you know it's not okay? Maybe you like it.”

“Do I look like I am ready to just go and kiss the next guy I find that's gay? Besides, I don't do relationships and I don't know how to find out something like that.” I protested, looking away from him.

He stood up, patting my shoulder. “Wanna go for a ride? Our band members are gonna be gone for a while with whoever they wanna screw with. I am guessing you don't have a ride.”

I considered my options. He was right. I didn't have a ride. Not unless I wanted to go back in there and find some chick I would pretend was hot. I sighed, standing. “I suppose... but don't get all gay on me.” I ordered, but part of me wished he would. No... No, I didn't want him to.

I followed him over to his truck, throwing my guitar in the small area behind the front seats.

He got in, slamming the door, and started pulling out of the parking lot. He took a left down Mark Boulevard continuing for about a mile.

“Where are you taking me?”

“Where do you want to go?” he asked, glancing at me. “Do you want to leave, or do you want to talk about your issue, or do you wanna do something else?”

He seemed to be trying to get at something. I guess he may have been thinking a bit like I was. I wanted to try and kiss him. I wanted to find out for once and for all if I liked guys. Wait... What was I saying? I didn't want that. I liked women. I should have stayed there for a while.

I stared out the window blankly, not looking at him or even trying to think about him. It was hard. He was making life so difficult.

We arrived at an apartment complex a few miles out of town. He stopped the truck and looked at me. I turned to face him wondering why he brought me to his house.

“I just gotta go up and get something, I’ll be right back. I can drop you off at your house if you want. I just need to get my card to put gas in it. I accidentally left all that stuff here when I left for the show.” He laughed, getting out of the truck and slammed the door. I watched him take a few steps then got out as well after pulling the guitar out of the back seat.

I ran to catch up to him. I didn't want to sit out here and I didn't really want to go home yet. And here I was being stupid.

“I hope you don't mind if I come with you. This place kind of creeps me out.” It was a very deserted type of area. Obviously this kid didn't have very much money and obviously a lot of criminals probably were staying here as well – most drug dealers for sure.

“Not at all. I don't blame you.” He laughed. We reached a door on the second floor. He reached inside his pocket pulling out a set of keys and unlocked the door. He flipped the switch lighting up the dark room. It was a pretty clean place overall, except for a pile of dishes and some clothes.

“Nice place.” I shrugged. It wasn't as nice as mine, but my band was further than his was. I hoped he would get further someday. I felt bad he was living in a place like this.

“Thanks.” He smiled then walked over to the coffee table, searching through a mess of papers. “You can make yourself at home.” He motioned to the couch.

I nodded, sitting down. “Thanks.”

“So, when would you like me to drive you home?”

I shrugged. It didn't really matter all that much to me. But I guess it probably should have. I didn't know this guy. He could be a murderer for all I knew.

“Okay.” He sat beside me on the couch, grabbing the remote, and turned the T.V. on. It was a music channel playing some music video I hadn't seen yet. We had the same taste in music though.

We sat in silence, watching a few music videos. There wasn't really anything I wanted to talk about. He started to nod off, head falling on my shoulder. I looked down at him. He was really cute when sleeping. I smiled, putting an arm around him. I leaned back against the couch. He adjusted himself to lie on me comfortably.

I liked this. It was nice. I smiled, falling asleep as well. I wanted to get used to being around him.

I woke up when he shifted in such a way he almost knocked the air out of me. I opened my eyes, looking at him.

“Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you,” he mumbled, staring at me.

“It's fine...” I mumbled, sitting up just enough. Aubrien was sitting on my lap. I rubbed my eyes, keeping one hand on the couch for support. “I wonder how long we slept...”

He shrugged. “It's not quite morning yet, probably close though.”

“Yeah...” I sighed, putting my other hand on the couch, and looked at the floor. My eyes shifted back to his. His hair was an even bigger mess, but it was so fucking cute. I wanted to hug him til he couldn't breath.

His eyes seemed entranced, arms wrapping around my neck as if there was some magnetic pull. His gaze shifted between my eyes and lips. His lids slowly closed and I could feel the distance growing smaller between us. I could taste his breath, I could feel my own eyes shutting.

My arms wrapped around his waist, his lips melted with mine. They were soft and tasted better than anyone's I’d ever kissed before. I inhaled his scent, pulling him close to me. He pulled away looking at me through half-closed eyes. “Is this wrong?” he asked breathlessly.

I should have said yes and left. But I could still taste his breath. My fingers trailed along his jaw, lifting his chin up to look at me. “Hardly,” I mumbled, kissing his lips again. I shifted leaning back and pulling him down with me. My teeth slid down his neck, biting a bit roughly. I'd never felt so addicted to someone before. Even if he was a guy... I didn't care. I just wanted to be near him.

My hand slid down his side, running it down his leg and then back up under his shirt. I pulled it off of him and tossed it across the room, immediately reconnecting our lips. His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling away for a second, only to catch his breath. He pulled my hair, slipping his tongue past my lips.

Our breathing become uneven. I pushed him over shifting carefully to pin him to the couch. I crushed our bodies together as much as I could. Our lips moved together so perfectly, our bodies in sync.

xxx

POV: Riel Carlin

“So you slept with some random guy you didn't know... and neither of you were sure you were gay...” I mumbled. I really didn't wanna hear about the whole mess.

He nodded. “Perfect experiment I think. Neither of us knew and we both wanted to find out.” Eli shrugged looking off at the wall.

“So you never saw him again and then just decided to act straight again?”

He half laughed, then shook his head no. “Around my friends I would go around and be with girls. But I still saw Aubrien a lot. We weren't dating, just liked spending time together. I still see him from time to time, just don't sleep with him anymore. Haven't since he got a serious boyfriend.” He sighed, obviously okay with it, but probably wished it hadn't happened at the time.

“I'm sorry...” I stated quietly. He looked at me curiously, then understood.

“Anyway, our band found out when Aubrien was goofing off and kissed me in front of them. They didn't care at all. So that was fine.”

“Kairo, Tayden, and Wade knew before me? And I’m your fuckin' brother!” I yelled kicking him in the shin.

“Hey, you were avoiding me at the time, remember? And I didn't want you guys to know yet. I mean, I was always so mean about you being gay and all. I didn't wanna deal with the drama. So I didn't tell you or anyone. I still messed around with girls anyway... I had to act like I was normal around you all.”

“You're stupid,” I spat, glaring at the window then looked at him.

Eli just sat there in silence a while before speaking again. “And when I saw Isaac... I don't know, something just clicked in my head. I didn't want to lose a chance with him. Sure, I didn't know him any... but just what I’d learned in a small amount of time made him seem so perfect.”

“You were over Aubrien at that point then,” I noted, more hoping so.

“Yeah, and even if I wasn't fully, I completely forgot I ever had feelings for someone else in my life. It's amazing what his kisses do.”

“Okay, okay. Stop. I don't wanna hear about it,” I interrupted, closing my eyes with my hand on my forehead. I didn't need him going into details or anything.

He laughed and stood. His hand reached out pulling my arm. “We've gotta go and see mom and dad.”

“Please... I don't wanna... It's still too early, and you broke into my house!”

“I can't break into your house. I have a key... and you're my twin.” He put me in a headlock messing up my hair. “Come on, bro, time to go see Mommy and Daddy.”