A Melody from the Heart

Audrey had ended it all so fast and so suddenly that I didn’t even know what hit me until I was back in California, days later. None of it made sense to me, how everything was perfect one moment and then fell to pieces the next. I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. I looked over every moment of our time together, searching for what I could have done wrong. I wasn’t myself when I got home. I moped around my house, and the guys got tired of it pretty quickly. I couldn’t help it though. I reevaluated every conversation we had, every word I said, and I kept coming to the same conclusion: that nothing went wrong.

There was something odd going on, and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. But, in the mean time, I realized just how much of a hold Audrey actually had over me. Leaving things with her that way kicked me in my ass, and it was hard not to feel down most days. I had so much going on with the new record release and the start of our new tour, but all of that just made me think of her even more. If it wasn’t for this record, I wouldn’t have even met her in the first place.

I had been back in California for a month before touring began, and even when that started, I still hadn’t heard from her. Even so, I still thought about her every single day…

Audrey wasn’t quite the same after Matt left. She had started to get used to having someone she could talk to and trust, but now he was gone. It was all her fault that they didn’t even speak anymore and a day didn’t pass where she didn’t think about calling him and trying to put the pieces of their relationship together.

She didn’t do it though. She wouldn’t do it. Sometimes when she came home at night, she would stare at her phone, thinking that by just pressing a couple of numbers, everything would be alright again. She always resisted those urges, even though they became stronger and stronger every day.

Audrey kept reminding herself that what she did would make things easier for everyone in the end. Every day she told herself that she did what she did because she cared about Matt, not because she actually wanted to let him go. She knew he had been angry and upset when he had left, but she hoped that one day he would understand. She hoped that one day he would know that she wasn’t cold hearted and that he had touched her heart in a way that no one else ever had.

During the day, Audrey did her best to forget Matt. She practiced her violin harder than ever, and she threw herself into her work one hundred percent. She wanted her upcoming performances to be flawless. She practiced until the tips of her fingers became numb and her arms became sore. She practiced until her head hurt and until she was so tired she could barely process what she was playing anymore.

It didn’t help though. No matter how much she practiced or how much she tried, she was playing worse than before. She knew there was feeling lacking from her playing. The notes sounded empty and flat, and she knew it was because of Matt.

When she came home after practicing, or when she put her violin in her case at home, the thought of him always crept back into her mind. He was like a disease that she couldn’t get rid of. She blocked him out during the day by keeping herself busy, but no matter what, he always found a way to creep back in. He was there when she tried to go to sleep at night and he even found a way into her mind when she thought she was too tired to think of anything else. In truth, the more she tried to block him out, the easier he found a way back in.

Every day, Audrey became more and more tired. Every day it became harder to get out of the bed in the morning and every night she wanted to crawl into it sooner and sooner. She was wearing her body out, and she knew it couldn’t take much more wear and tear.

The large bruise on her back had faded into yellow and was soon to be disappeared, leaving nothing behind once more. There was another one on her inner thigh though, and it made her practice even harder. She wanted to forget it was there and pretend she had never even noticed it.

She lost about ten pounds after Matt had left. She convinced herself it was because her emotions were so out of sorts, that it was because she was working herself so hard, but she knew better. In the back of her mind, she knew what was happening, but she was going to ignore it until the last possible minute, until it refused to be pushed aside anymore.

Audrey knew it was all going to blow up in her face though. She just didn’t know it was going to happen sooner than later.

Just when I was starting to think of her a little less each and every day, something happened that made my whole world revolve around her once again. I thought I would never see her again after that day I walked away on that New York sidewalk, but it turned out that I was dead wrong.

I never expected what would cause her to be thrown back into my life again. I never expected just one little phone call to change everything and to make me understand. The most oddest part was that the person who made the call was more surprising to me than the fact that I was receiving a call at all…

Tour just wasn’t the same for Matt this time around because his heart wasn’t in it. He could tell when he was performing that he wasn’t giving his best, but it was just so hard for him to feel motivated. He hated being that way because he felt bad he wasn’t giving his fans the best show he could. They all loved their fans to death, and it killed him he just couldn’t give them what they deserved.

Matt was currently lying in his bunk, staring at the bottom of Zacky’s bunk. He didn’t even feel like being sociable since their tour started, which wasn’t like him at all. Everything just didn’t make sense to him. He had only known Audrey for about a month, and they hadn’t even been that serious together. They always kept in mind that they would be far away from each other once he left New York.

This is why he didn’t understand why he was feeling this way. How could a girl he had only known for a month make him feel this terrible?

“Matt, you’ve been laying there all day,” Zacky said, hanging upside down over his bunk. “Jimmy and I were just about to go and get something to eat, why don’t you come with us? I think it would make you feel a lot better.”

Matt just sat up so he could pull his curtain closed in Zacky’s face. “Leave me alone, I don’t feel like being bothered,” he mumbled and then turned on his side so he could face the wall.

“Suit yourself, man,” Zacky said. Matt could hear him moving around above him and then the thud of his feet hitting the floor of the bus. “I just can’t believe you’re doing this to yourself again. I just can’t believe you care about this girl that much. No one is worth beating yourself up to this extent.”

Matt just ignored him, but mostly because he knew Zacky was one hundred percent right.

“I know you’re trying to ignore what I’m saying,” Zacky said with a sigh, still talking to the bland green curtain that was separating them from each other. “We’ll be back in a few hours, and you better be in a better mood by them. The fans coming to the show tonight are expecting M. Shadows to be there, not Matthew, ‘I-just-had-my-heart-broken’, Sanders.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Matt growled from behind his curtain. “Go eat your greasy little cheeseburger and leave me alone.”

Zacky just laughed a little bit to himself and shook his head as he walked away. Snippy remarks from Matt were better than nothing at all, so he hoped Matt would come around in a week or so. It sucked seeing Matt so distraught over this girl.

What was even worse was there was just a little bit of tension between Matt and Brian since they had returned home and gone on tour. Apparently, Matt was convinced Brian was somehow responsible for the messy way things ended with Audrey, but Zacky couldn’t see how that could be the case. All he knew was that the whole situation was far too complicated and confusing for him. He just wanted Matt’s spirits to be back again.

Matt stayed where he was for about a half an hour before moving. That way, he was sure that most of the guys were gone. He knew they were starting to get fed up with him, and he knew he was going to have to force himself to get over this sooner or later.

He went into the tiny kitchen of their tour bus and grabbed himself a bottle of water. He sat down at the table and let out a big sigh as he watched Brian and Johnny talk outside. He was going to allow himself to spend just one more day in misery, and then he swore he was going to turn everything around tomorrow morning. Matt couldn’t stay annoyed at Brian any longer because it wasn’t worth it. He had been best friends with him for forever, and it couldn’t have been just his fault that Audrey had ended things so suddenly.

Matt dropped his face into his hands and rubbed his eyes, wishing he could live stress free for just a couple of months.

The blaring sound of his phone reached his ears, and he silently cursed himself for not lowering the volume of it from the night before. Matt reluctantly lifted his head from his hands, contemplating the thought of ignoring his phone for just a few seconds.

He slowly reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone and squinted so he could read the caller id on the front screen. He wrinkled his eyebrows together as the number was one he had never seen before, and it clearly wasn’t one that was in his contacts. Again, he debated just ignoring the call, but he decided to flip open his phone because honestly, he didn’t have anything better to do.

“Hello?” Matt answered. He waited for someone to say something back, but the only thing he could hear was silence. “Hello?”

He repeated himself once more, just a little bit louder this time. There was still no answer, and just as Matt decided it was probably a solicitor who had hung up since he took so long to answer the phone, a voice came over the earpiece.

“Yes, hello,” the voice greeted him. It was one he never heard before, but it did sound vaguely familiar. Matt was now settled on the idea that this was going to be a wrong number. “Is this Matthew Sanders?”

“Yes, this is him,” he answered slowly. So, once again, Matt was wrong. Maybe it actually was a solicitor after all.

“My name is Maria Townsend, I believe we met each other just a few weeks ago?” the woman on the other line said. A sinking feeling was beginning to settle into Matt’s stomach. “I’m Audrey’s mother.”

Just the mention of her name made the air get caught in his throat. “Can I help you with something?” he asked. He stumbled on his words just a little bit because he was so confused as to why Audrey’s mother would ever try to contact him. He didn’t seem to make a good impression on her parents that day he met them.

“Well, it’s not really that you can help me with anything,” she said. There was an odd tone to her voice that didn’t go unnoticed. Audrey’s mother cleared her throat before speaking again. “It seemed that Audrey was rather fond of you when she introduced us, so I thought this phone call was more than necessary. Audrey doesn’t know I’m calling you of course. She told me not to bother you. Anyway, I thought you would like to be informed that Audrey was admitted into the hospital around midnight last night.”

Fear shot through Matt’s heart and about a hundred different questions and assumptions raced around in his mind. She had seemed fine when he left, so it had to have been some kind of accident. Matt looked harder into the past though, and then he remembered that Audrey was anything but fine the day he had left. In fact, she hadn’t even wanted to come with him to the release party because she wasn’t feeling well.

“Is she okay?” Matt managed to choke out.

“She is fine right now, which is why I am on the other side of the floor making this call. She would have my head if she knew I was calling you against her wishes,” she replied.

“So what’s wrong with her? Why is she in the hospital?” Matt asked quickly, his sentences and words melding into one. He was getting frustrated at the fact that her mother refused to inform him of what was going on.

“Listen, Matthew,” her mother went on. “I am just calling you to say it may be in your best interest to get here as soon as possible. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but if you care for my daughter in anyway, you will find a way to make it here as quickly as you can. Do I make myself clear?”

Matt was starting to find out where Audrey got some of her spark and attitude from.

“I thought you didn’t want us to be together? I heard you and her father saying I wasn’t good enough for her,” Matt said. He didn’t use an accusatory tone; he was merely stating a fact. “Why are you even telling me this?”

“We may not care for you all too much, but it is clear that Audrey feels something for you, and that is all that matters to me,” her mother said. “Despite how much my daughter has tried to convince you that I am a heartless mother, I would like to make it very clear that I love Audrey with all of my heart. Now, what you decide to with the information I just gave you is up to you, but I trust that you will make the correct decision, Mr. Sanders. Good day to you.”

Matt heard the other line go dead, and he slowly lowered the phone from his ear, the news he just received slowly sinking in. Audrey was in the hospital, and he had no idea what was going on or what condition she was in. He was assuming it was something serious though. Her mother was calm and collected on the phone, but he could tell there was something wrong underneath the surface. It was the same way he was always able to tell there was something wrong inside of Audrey.

Matt stood up from the table and walked straight out of the tour bus. He didn’t even bother to gather any of his things together. He stormed his way past Brian and Johnny, only one thought on his mind.

“Dude, where are you going? We have to start getting ready for the show in around an hour,” he could hear Johnny call out behind him.

“I’m going to the hospital,” Matt replied over his shoulder. It didn’t take long for his two friends to run up behind him and grip his shoulders to keep him from moving any further.

“You’re going to the hospital?” Brian asked, a little bit of shock in his voice. “What’s wrong? And don’t you think one of us should be taking you?”

“I’m not going to the hospital for me,” Matt said impatiently. It was going to take him long enough to get to Audrey and they were just going to make him take even longer. “Audrey is in the hospital. I’m going to the airport so I can go to New York.”

“What about the show?” Johnny asked.

“I don’t give a fuck about the show,” Matt said, trying to cut the conversation short. “Audrey is in the hospital and I have no idea what’s wrong with her, but I’m positive it’s nothing good. She is what’s important. There’s only one of her and there’s thousands of opportunities to play a concert. What do you think is more important?”

“I’m going with you,” Brian said shortly, and by the look on his face, Matt knew he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “You’ve been a mess since you left that place, there’s no way I’m letting you go back there alone.”

“Fine, but you have to keep up with my pace,” Matt replied as he pulled out of their grasp. Brian quickly fell in stride with him as they both left Johnny in the dust, his mouth hanging open in shock. “We have to catch the first flight out of here.”

Matt was angry at Audrey for the way she tried to escape from their relationship when it was starting to scare her, but all of those feelings were washed away at the possibility that something could be wrong with her health. At the moment, all Matt wanted was to get back to New York again to make sure she was alright. And maybe to tell her he wasn’t going to let her be scared off that easily.