Reason to Live

Two weeks later...

Heavy rain poured as wind violently pushed it against the window. I watched it, thinking it was pretty cool. Everyone else complained.
“Ah, Joe can you pass me a tissue please?” Billie asked. Since falling off stage and spraining her ankle, she made us all “slaves.” I didn’t mind helping her, except for when I had to help her up and down stairs. It’d take quarter of an hour to get her down, then she’d say something like “Oh, I think I left behind my ID, maybe I should check where it is.” What was the worst though, was helping her down the stairs when the evil and elderly Mrs Doringtino (or as Marie loved to call her “Mrs Doritos”) was passing us by. She’d curse at Billie in another language for being too promiscuous, then start a fight. Once I got hit in the face with a pineapple.

Joe got up from the couch where we were lying, causing me to lose my comfort.
“Aww, Billie..” I whined as he left me lying alone.
“I better go anyway. I’ll see you tonight,” he said. I nodded and he kissed me goodbye.

I never talked to anybody, except Marie and Debbie, about my night with Bruce. Each day I lived in guilt that I cheated on Joe. I would always come so close to telling him, but chicken out. I thought it would only hurt him anyway.

“Ya, know. We are here to rehearse..” Holly said impatiently. Our band had received moderate success, but tensions between Billie and Holly were starting to weaken things. They’d fight every day, worse than siblings. It drove me nuts!
Debbie was caught up in her “unofficial” marriage and I lost all real motivation to get anywhere, I just liked to play guitar. Playing guitar was the only thing that really made me happy. I must have written a hundred or so songs that year. None of them worth mentioning.
“Okay,” I said as I picked up my very shiny, black guitar that Dave discovered the hard way not to touch.

We started our song, and I thought for the first time in a while, that we sounded really great. I got a little carried away and lost myself in the music when it came time for my solo. I didn't even notice Billie and Debbie staring at me. When Holly's drums stopped, I realized that something wasn't right. I didn’t stop until I heard Billie talk.
“Umm... Audrey..” Billie said, looking at me with concern.
“What?” I asked, then realized what they were looking at.

I thought I was in some crazy daydream at first. A million conflicting thoughts rushed through my mind as I walked towards the door where Bruce was standing, drenched from the rain. I didn't say anything, pretty much because I had no idea what to say.
“Hi,” he said with a smile. “Can we talk?”I nodded and we moved to the hallway and shut the door, even though I knew the girls would still be listening anyway.

“You looked and sounded so great just then,” he said with a smile.
“Thanks,” I said shyly, not knowing what to expect. There was an awkward silence for a while, where we just stared at each other. I forgot how amazing he looked, especially with wet hair. He had to pick a rainy day to come see me, didn’t he? It made it hard to not lose the tiny bit of pride I had remaining, when he looked like that.
“So?” I asked breaking the silence. “We're kinda busy, they might kill me if I'm out here too long,” I lied. It was so awkward.

“Ah, right,” he said as he took a deep, loud breath. He leaned against the wall with his arms folded. He looked good and he knew it.

“Are you here for a reason? Or are you just being a painful reminder of what I can’t have?” I asked, annoyed.

“I’m here to say sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk about all this,” he said, lowering his arms by his side. As he did, the rain collected on his leather jacket drained to the floor.

“Oh, well that’s nice,” I smiled artificially. “That makes everything so much better,” I said with heavy sarcasm.

“You have every right to hate me right now...”

“Is that all? You’ve said sorry. I need to go back now,” I said, turning to the door.

“Well, um no...” he said. I watched as he pulled his hand out of his jacket. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“Why do you have my panties Bruce?”

“I was cleaning my car the other day,” he smiled. “And I guess you forgot to take them with you.”

“W...Why are you so annoying?” I snapped. I walked over to him and snatched back my underwear. “Why would you even bother bringing these back? How do you think it makes me feel?”

“They’re lacy. I know how much you like lace,” he smirked.

“Oh my god! You have no idea how much you annoy me! You lead me on, then push me away, all the while driving me mad because you’re so god damn hot and...” I began to start yelling at him, until he stopped me with a kiss. At first I struggled to pull away from him, then I weakened. I closed my eyes, sinking into his lips. He pulled away, smirking still. “See what I mean?! I just wanna punch you then you go and do that!” I yelled, trying to walk away.

“I believe you,” he said, stopping me.

“Believe what?”

“That there was nothing going on between you and Joe.”

I couldn’t believe it. After everything that happened, he just casually comes out with that. It was so much easier to just hate him and pretend that I no longer cared.

“Why would you only say...”

“I only just realised,” he interrupted me. “Falling in love with you was easy, but believing that you loved me back wasn’t. Think about it. You were single, obviously in need of a relationship. You’re crazy about KISS, I just happen to be in that band. I always had this paranoid feeling that maybe you were in love with Bruce Kulick the lead guitarist, and not so much Bruce Kulick the person. That’s why I couldn’t believe you, when I saw what I did. But now...”

“Don’t give me this bullshit,” I said, trying to go back inside. He grabbed my hand, causing me to turn around and look back at him.

“You must have left as soon as you woke up, to get to the sound check the other week. You would have drove for about six hours... in city traffic. I know how much that annoys you. And what for? To have your heart broken again? People don’t do that for a little crush. Now I know.”

“Bruce...”

“And when we broke up, for weeks and weeks you’d call, trying to say sorry for something you claimed to never have done. It all makes sense. Of course he’d try to get in your pants, you’re amazing. And I was stupid enough to just let that happen. You loved me.”
I looked at him sadly. “I love you Aud. I always have and I always will,” he said, without much expression. I just stared at him, kind of like I did the first time I ever heard him say that to me. “ I know you're with Joe now, and if you're happy, I can live with that. But I don’t think you are.”

I didn't say anything. I wanted more than anything to leap into his arms and tell him that I felt the same way – but it was too late. I had a great boyfriend, who didn't deserve to be betrayed like that. I was so confused.

“Ya know, I better go if you’re busy. I just had to let you know that’s how I feel,” he said walking away. I still couldn't bring myself to say anything, I just let him walk away.

When I returned, I tried to the best of my ability to conceal by emotional torture. I just wanted to bawl my eyes out.
“What are you doing?” Billie screamed.

“What?” I asked confused.

“Did you not hear the same conversation we just did?” Debbie asked.

“Look, it's not that simple...” I explained.

“Chase him you idiot!!!” Billie screamed, again.

“It's too late,” I said softly. I was so scared. Never before had I loved someone as much as I loved Bruce, I didn't want to have to get over him a second time. It was just so much easier to leave it at that.

I threw myself at a tub chair, staring at the floorboards. Nobody spoke a single word. Man, it was awkward. The girls decided to take a break, given the stress. I just wanted to go home, even though there was a huge party at our place that night. I figured if I left the studio quick enough, I could avoid anybody talking to me about Bruce.

The rainfall echoed on the busy street as I exposed myself to icy rain. Within a matter of seconds I was soaked. Convincing them that I needed to go home early was very easy. Water pooled around my feet as I dawdled along the sidewalk to where my car was parked. I stopped when I saw Bruce leaning against my Mustang. His wet, black hair covered his eyes as he looked up at me.

“What are you doing here?” I yelled.

“Waiting for you. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll wait,” he yelled back.

“Why?”

“I love you. You’re my reason to live. And I’m not giving up this time.”
I started to walk towards him. I’m not sure what exactly was going through my mind, but my actions to follow were clearly mapped out. Rain pelted against my face as I stood in front of him, looking up with wide eyes. “I love you Audrey, I really do,” he repeated.

I pushed his hair back and tilted my head up. He was the perfect height for me. I stepped up on my toes and pressed my lips against his. He put his hands on my face, pulling me closer for what was to this day the best kiss I’ve ever had. If I was crying, the rain washed it away. The rain got heavier, almost deafening us as it crashed to the ground around where we stood.

“I love you too,” I finally managed to whisper

“What?” he yelled.

“I love you Bruce!” I shouted.

“What?” he yelled again.

“I love you!” I repeated.

“Huh?”

“I FUCKING LOVE YOU!” I screamed. Laughing, he wrapped his arms around me. I watched in awe as rain drops trickled along his face. He looked amazing.

He moved his lips to my ear and shouted “I heard you the first time.” I laughed and punched his arm playfully. We stood there in the middle of a storm, holding each other tightly, for what was the best few minutes of my life.

We got in my car, absolutely soaked. I sat at the driver’s seat, squeezing the water out of my hair. “So where are you staying at?” I asked, knowing that Bruce no longer lived in Los Angeles.

“Eric let me stay at their place while he and Marie are in...” he paused as he watched me pull my t-shirt off. The wet material clung to me, causing me to struggle. Once I got it off, I released a satisfying “ahh”. I quickly realised that he was watching every single move I made. “Sorry, continue,” I said smiling.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, grinning. He watched as I started the car, wearing the black bra that matched the undies he tried to give back earlier. Crazy, Crazy Nights began to play loudly. “Wow... now I’m speechless.”

I giggled. “So you have the keys the Eric and Marie’s while they are in New York?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Are they mad? Letting you have the keys to their new home?” I asked, laughing.

“Probably,” he laughed too.

“There’s a huge party at my place tonight. I don’t wanna be there,” I told him.

“ I guess we’re going to the Caravello mansion in that case.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

When we walked inside Eric and Marie’s insanely huge home, we could still hear the rain from outside. Bruce held my hand as our rain-filled shoes squeaked along the polished wooden floor boards, leaving behind puddles of water. The city lights from outside illuminated the room, leaving enough light to see the outline of objects like their lounge chair, coffee table and grand piano.
Bruce turned to me, pulling me very close to him. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too Aud. You know this is real right?” he asked. I looked up at him and began to smile. I nodded. “You and I, this time it’s forever. There’s no way I’m losing you again,” Bruce said.

He began to kiss me as I pulled off his jacket. We left wet clothes everywhere...