Denial.

I’m panicking again. My breathing is labored, my heart racing, mind whirling and limbs shaking. I take in a deep breath and another and another and then another but it doesn’t help. I’m still a mess, which is just ridiculous. I’m not some stupid teenage girl so why am I acting like one? Because it’s Jordan.

I shake my head and inhale deeply through my nostrils. Staring into the mirror I say, “Stop it, Dillon. This is just a date stop acting like an idiot.”

I nod to myself as if agreeing with myself. After I finally manage to calm down a bit I walk downstairs and announce to my parents that I’m going to hang out with Jordan. They don’t see me walk out the door, thankfully because mom might have asked why I was so dressed up.

Sure we’re just going to eat at his house but this is our first date. It’s a date. A date. I just felt like dressing up would be necessary. I’m not wearing a suit or anything but I’m at least wearing a decent pair of denim jeans along with a plaid shirt. I tried fixing my hair but it’s always been rebellious so it still looks pretty messy. At least I tried though!

It doesn’t take long for me to get to Jordan’s and I walk up onto the porch. I raise my fist but I can’t knock. I breathe out and take in a deep breath before working up the courage to finally knock. When I do I hear movement inside and wait for the door to open. It finally does after what feels like an eternity.

Jordan smiles the moment he sees me and I do the same. I bite my lip when I realize that he’s scanning me over and I know that I’m blushing. Shit.

“Hey,” he says, reaching out to grab my hand and tug me inside. I just have enough time to see that he has found a nice pair of pants along with a black polo. It looks good on him but it’d look better off.

“Hi,” I laugh, throwing my arms around his waist after he shuts the door behind me. Jordan smirks and places one hand on my hip, the other tangling itself in my hair.

I lean up to press my lips to his. They move and fit together perfectly, it’s almost impossible to believe. Sometimes I don’t believe it, that we’re actually together. I never thought it would happen but I’m so glad it did.

We pull apart and Jordan grabs my hand, intertwining his fingers with my own. “Come on, you’re just in time. Dinner is done.”

“Is it safe to eat?” I tease, allowing Jordan to take me to the kitchen where he has the table set for two. There’s a bowl in the middle of the table full of what looks like delicious spaghetti along with a salad bowl.

Jordan rolls his eyes. “Don’t make fun of me or I won’t cook for you again.”

I laugh and press a lingering kiss to his lips. “I’m sure it’ll be great.”

Jordan and I sit down and my stomach growls, making Jordan laugh and me blush. Shaking it off though, I reach for the spaghetti and scoop some onto my plate. “It smells great.”

“Lets hope it tastes great,” Jordan laughs some what awkwardly. I roll my eyes and take a bite. Jordan watches my reaction and when I don’t spit it back up he sighs in relief. “Does it taste ok?”

“I would have spit it at you if it didn’t.”

Jordan smirks and the two of us eat, talking the entire time. When we finish we set the dishes in the kitchen and the two of us walk into the living room, taking a seat next to one another on the couch. I curl up into his side and rest my head on his chest. With a sigh I say, “Thanks, the dinner was great.”

“Are you just saying that to suck up?”

“Maybe. Is it working?”

“Maybe,” Jordan mocks me with a smirk. I stick my tongue out at him before cuddling into him. His arms wrap themselves around me and a stupid smile breaks out on my face but can you blame me?

Jordan turns on the TV and goes quiet. I take a glance up at him to see he’s staring at the TV but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to it. He was kind of like that through dinner too. I know he’s thinking about something but I’m not sure what. It’s starting to worry me.

I poke him in the chest, hard. He grunts and rubs the spot. Looking down at me, he asks, “What was that for?”

“What are you thinking about?” I ask, sitting up straight. “You’ve been kind of…out of it. It’s starting to worry me.”

Yeah he’s worrying me. Does he not like being with me? Maybe he’s thinking that we shouldn’t be in this relationship anymore? I bite my lip. Please don’t be that.

“It’s nothing.” He’s lying. I can tell.

“You’re a terrible liar. Please, you know you can tell me.” I grab his hand and hold it in my own. He plays with my fingers for a moment before sighing.

“It’s Zach. I…I think he likes you…in more than a friendly way.”

I choke. Jordan pats me on the back while I cough on whatever the hell I just choked on. After regaining my breathing, I start to laugh. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” he replies, glaring at me.

“O-Oh?” I stop my laughing when I realize that he really is serious. “Zach and I are friends, Jordan and just friends. He’s straight.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, he would have told me if he wasn’t.”

Jordan shakes his head and I frown. I don’t want him worrying about Zach. Even if he does like me like that I would never give Jordan up. Zach and I are friends, just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.

I reach out to cup Jordan’s face. I turn him so that he’s facing me and smile reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it, Jordan. You’re…you’re the only one I like.”

Jordan reaches up to grab hold of my hand. He sighs and nods. “Just…watch him, ok.”

“If that’ll make you feel better.” I grin and lean down to capture his lips. Jordan smirks and pulls me onto his lap. His hands slip into my jeans pockets while mine run down his chest. My lips are tingling and although my lungs are begging for air, I don’t pull away.

Bringing his bottom lip between my teeth, I nibble softly on the flesh before running my tongue over it. Jordan groans and squeezes my bum while running his tongue over the seem of my lips. I debate on being a tease and denying him but decide against it.

Parting my lips, I allow Jordan access. The moment his tongue runs across my own, I moan. He roams every crevice of my mouth. My body begins to shiver and break out with goose bumps. We pull apart for air and Jordan runs his lips down my throat. My heart can’t stop skipping. How can one boy make me so nervous? We’re just kissing but I feel like we’re doing way more.

Jordan presses one kiss after another against my throat. I wish that he would leave a mark but people would get suspicious. The guys will ask questions and I’m a terrible liar. We all know that.

Jordan pulls away and I lean down for a quick kiss. He pouts when I pull away and I laugh.

“I think we should have another date soon,” I whisper after lying my head in the crock of his neck.

“Yeah, me too.”