Denial.

I inhaled again, the scent of my favorite pillow invading my nostrils as Dillon murmured quiet assurances beside me. They were pointless though. I know he means well, but they mean nothing. He can’t change anything Danny says since he isn’t Danny.

I just can’t believe I lost my best friend.

I knew this was coming through. From day one, I knew this was going to happen. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and I’m rather upset that it happened the way it did. I wanted to be able to tell him so that I could be prepared for the betrayal, but I wasn’t prepared for what happened earlier in the school student parking lot. No, I wasn’t prepared at all.

“It’s going to be okay in the end,” Dillon tried again, rubbing his small hand against the middle of my back in a soothing matter.

“No it’s not,” I said bitterly. “I disgust him.”

“He’ll get over it though,” he continuously tried to assure me. “You two were best friends for a while. Surely something so little won’t change his opinions about you permanently.”

“Obviously they did,” I argued. He called me a faggot. He doesn’t want me in his life anymore.

“I’m going to talk to him,” Dillon assured me. “One last time.”

“No!” I argued with him, sitting up straight and staring at him as if he was insane. I guess he might as well be though. His suggestion was absolutely ludicrous. “He never liked you to begin with, Dillon. You talking to him could be bad.”

“I don’t really care,” he said honestly. “You’re hurting and he hurt you, so I’m going to talk to him.” He looked at me with those big brown eyes, hiding behind that unusually long black fringe, showing me that I couldn’t really change his mind, even if I got down on my knees and begged him with everything I had in me.

“He could hurt you,” I told him, knowing that Danny was fully capable of ruining Dillion if he so wished. I’m just hoping that he’d still have the smallest shrivel of respect for me left from our old friendship so that he wouldn’t bring harm to the person who makes me incredibly happy.

“If he hurts me, then he’s going to have to deal with a lot of shit from my lawyers,” Dillon snubbed, sticking his nose in the air and trying to act tough, though I could see the tiniest flash of fear in his eyes.

His hand rest against my chest gently, pushing me back onto the bed as he cuddled into me.

“You need to go to sleep and stop worrying,” he instructed me gently, tracing random circles into my stomach over my shirt.

“Going to sleep will just put off the worry until tomorrow,” I deadpanned, knowing that tonight would weigh on me quite some time. It ruined the best friendship I had because he was stupid enough to be a homophobic asshole, just like the rest of this fucking run down town.

“But it’ll take hours off of your stress,” he continued on, leaning up to peck me on my jaw-line, lingering a few minutes.

His kisses always calmed me, even if they were incredibly gentle and low in stock. He was always nervous around me, especially when it comes to intimate things, but I guess I find that adorable about him. He has always been incredibly childish, especially physically, but his mind is one of the most beautiful and pure one’s I’ve ever come across. It’s refreshing to see someone that sees the world for it’s good, despite having to constantly face its evils because of his sexuality. I guess he inspires me and I’m lucky to have him as my own.

“It’s not going to go away,” I admitted to him. “He knows. He’s going to tell people. We’re going to be screwed.”

“And I’m going to talk to him and see if he has any shreds of dignity left to not tell people,” Dillon argued on, continuously tracing those random circles into my skin.

“My parents are going to disown me,” I said sadly, realizing that I’m going to end up just like my uncle. They’re going to hate me and disown me and cut off everything that I have, ruining my life and my college education before it ever begins. I’m never going to have a family and have kids and settle down with the person that I love with every fiber of my being. I’m not even going to be able to adopt kids if I ever wanted to.

“Stop being so negative, Jordan!” Dillon scolded me. “We’re going to have to deal with this whether we like it or not. I’m going to talk to Danny whether you like it or not. Just deal with it and act like nothing is wrong because if people notice how one of the happiest most sincere kids at school is suddenly depressed as hell, they’re going to ask questions and we’re going to be screwed.”

I looked at Dillon, running my eyes along his body before locking them with his, smiling feebly. He’s a boy of few words and he just said a mouthful, a very forceful, defiant mouthful. It shocked me, but it inadvertently showed that he is adamant about talking to Danny and trying to move on normally.

That’s not an easy task though. Our little secret is no longer ours and the ones who we chose to share it with. It could be out at any moment and ruin our lives.

But I’m not going to think about that right now. I have a boy beside me who wants to take his turn of taking care of me for once, as well as trying to make everything okay and I guess I have no choice but to let him do so. I’ll just abide by his wishes, for now. I’m too emotionally drained to argue with him right now. He wants me to sleep, so I’ll sleep.

I looked away, allowing my eyes to slide shut lazily as I felt him cuddling into me, those gentle fingers still tracing soothing circles into my abdomen.

“Tomorrow,” he insisted to me, “I’ll fix everything, okay?”

I nodded my head softly as black quickly overtook me.

“Tomorrow.”