Never let go.

I’d spent the last week with James. We did little things, like going to the park together and going to dinner. I felt so important with him. All his attention would come to me and no one else. Even with Joe, I could never get his full attention and with James, it was wonderful. Joe still wasn’t speaking to me and even if he was, I’d never see him. He was constantly somewhere, movie premier, studio, photo shoots, and interviews. I would hear the sound of his car in the earlier hours of the morning and waited for him to come crawling into my bed. It never happened so I went to bed disappointed.

“Hey.” James said as he stood in my doorway, another night we had spent going out together. I grinned at him, before taking his outstretched hand. He walked me toward his car, before stopping me in front of me. “You look lovely.” He said, before pressing his lips against mine. I smiled, before running my hands down his shirt. I tiptoed up, kissing his lips. Thankfully I wore flats, otherwise my feet would be hurting by now.

“You are not so bad yourself.” I smiled, before he grinned back at me. “Now, where are you taking me?” I asked, skipping slightly on the stop.

“For dinner.” He winked at me, before opening my door open. I rolled my eyes but got into the car anyway. I waited for him to jump around the other side of the car and start the engine.

“Where for dinner?” I asked, sounding very cute and sweet, which I knew James couldn’t resist it. “Cause I really want to know.” He chuckled as we drove down the road. He put his hand on my thigh and I covered my hand over his, giving his fingers a soft squeeze.

“You’ll find out in a bit.” I pouted, before smiling when James tapped my leg. “So,” He said, sounding a little more suspicious. “Have you spoken to Joe?” I looked over at him, rolling my eyes.

“He has been busy.” I mumbled, shaking my head. “And he won’t answer his phone to me.”

“Give him time, he’ll see what he is missing.” I laughed at my boyfriend, before relaxing in the front seat. “Don’t fall asleep.” He whispered, making me open my eyes. “Now we are here.” I looked around, recognizing the place straight away. It was a little Italian restaurant that my dad used to take us when we were younger. I swallowed the lump in the back of my throat, before smiling at James.

“It’s perfect.” I lied. The thought of my dad made me feel sick. James ran around the car, helping me out. I grabbed his hand as we walked towards the front door. I stood in the entrance as James sorted out the table. I looked around; recognizing everything like it was before. I sighed, as I felt James slide his hand in mine, smiling softly. We both followed the waiter to our table, then James pulled my chair out. I sat down, before pushing my hair out of my face. James smiled at me, before the waiter handed me a menu. I thanked him, before he wandered off.

“Now, what shall I have?” James mumbled, before flicking through his menu. I tapped my fingers against the table as he made his decision, pulling faces while he read the options he had. I looked around at all the small families and couples that where sat around, doing nothing. I sighed, tapping my foot against the leg of the table. “Sorry.” James said, getting my attention. “If something bothering you?” I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine.” I gave him a force smile. He winked at me, before looking down at the menu. If I was with Joe, he’d know straight away. It was a terrible thought, comparing James to Joe. They were both individual people, but I couldn’t stop being that person. It was always me. I’d compare my own brother with Joe. “So what are you having?” I asked, as if I was proving to him that I was fine.

“The steak sounds good to me.” He put his menu down and looked around to see for a waiter. A girl caught his eye, before sauntering over to us. I rolled my eyes, before crossing my legs over. “Hey.” He said to her before she grinned at him. “2 cokes.” He announced before waving his hand out at me.

“And I’ll have the chicken please?” I asked, my voice monotone. She nodded her head, before turning to my boyfriend, who was staring at me.

“The steak please?” He said, keeping staring at me. I grinned at him as the woman walked off. He sent me a soft wink, making me giggle like a little girl. “So, what have you been doing the last couple of days?” He asked, making me shrug my shoulders.

“Not much. Seeing some silly boy.” I grinned while James acted shocked. “He is a really nice boy. Maybe a little on the thick side.” I winked at him before our waiter walked over, giving us out drinks. “Also, I’ve been looking through thousands of brides magazines for Jess even though the wedding isn’t till next year.” I rolled my eyes, taking a sip out of the coke that sat in front of me.

“Seriously?” James asked, seeming very confused. I nodded my head. “I mean, they aren’t getting married till summer.” I once again, nodded my head.

“And they have already have picked out caterers.” I rolled my eyes, before hearing a loud noise from behind me. I spun around, my eyes instantly hitting his. I could recognize the same blue eyes anywhere, the same copy of mine. I took a shaky breath inward, my eyes still connecting with his. I looked around, seeing a women and children, something that I never thought I’d see. I blinked, hoping it would all go away but he was still there, just like I remembered him. “Can we go?” My voice was flat as I turned towards James. He looked confused. “Now?” I asked my voice full of anger and disappointment. James grabbed the nearest waitress, asking her for the bill. I shook my head, thinking about how far home was from here. “Never mind.” I pushed my chair backwards and made a dash out of the restaurant. I felt his hand on my arm before running into a sprint. It was only 3 blocks away, I didn’t understand why we walked.

I thought that man was gone. Left. But why didn’t it have to be now? Today. I was happy then I saw him, ruining my day. I thought that he had left the state, our lives. But he is still around. With her, a woman I’ve never seen before. And children, something he never wanted from any of us. I blinked back the tears that I could feel building up under my eyes. 1 more block. My legs moved even faster, my shoes slowly slipping on the sidewalk. People stared at me, but I didn’t care. I needed to get back as fast as I could. The way his eyes bore into mine, the exact copy of mine. I was the exact copy of him.

I burst through the front door, ignoring what everyone was shouting at me. I pushed his bedroom door open, seeing Joe sitting on his bed, strumming at his guitar. I let out a massive breath from all the running, before Joe gave me a soft look. I walked over to him, before the tears ran down my cheeks. I didn’t understand why i started to cry. I hadn’t seen him in 4 years, he was nothing to me. Joe suddenly jumped from his spot, wrapping his arms around me. He kicked the door shut, before pulling me down onto his bed. I leant my head on his chest, black tears running down my face. Joe didn’t say anything; I knew he wouldn’t until I was ready. I pushed my hand over his heart, feeling his heart racing. I took a breath, gathering my thoughts together. “He was there, Joe.” He ran his fingers through my hair, as I lifted my head off his chest.

“Who, Iz?”

“I thought he’d gone. I thought he’d left us alone for good. All 3 of us, but he stood there, with that women and them children like he had nothing to hide. Nothing to be ashamed of.” Suddenly Joe clocked on, his hand straight in mine. “I’m just like him.”

“You are nothing like him.” Joe hand was clamped around my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. “You will never run out on us. Never. Unlike him. You will stay, supporting all of us. You are not him.” I kept my eyes staring at Joe. “I promise you.” I blinked, my tears holding backwards. I clenched my jaw, while Joe played with my hair, my eyes fluttering.

“Joe, I’m sorry.” I whispered, my eyes shutting tightly. I felt his lips press against the top of my head and I let out a soft breath. I ran my hand across his chest, stopping at his heart. I heard a soft chuckle, before Joe sighed.

“No Isabelle. I’m sorry.”

NeverLetGo

I felt somebody shift underneath me, making me slowly wake up. Suddenly I heard the voice of my boyfriend. I held my eyes shut, hoping that no one would know I was awake. “We went to the cinemas together. We must have been about 16 and I had gotten the times all mixed around. So we had to go back home, the movie wasn’t showing for another 3 hours. So we went back to hers, knowing it was only her mum and dad in. Reece was about a year old, not knowing anything. Suddenly we heard the voice of both her parents. Now all I remember was the voice of her dad, he was saying how he never wanted Reece and that he was wasted there.” I heard an intake of breath from James, knowing it was him instantly. I remembered the day like it was yesterday. The day I realized that I had to be an adult, I had to grow up.

“Me and Izzie were on the stairs, and I held her hand while she heard the fighting of her mum and dad. Her dad left and never came back. She was heartbroken and has never trusted anyone fully since.” Joe ran his finger down my arm, goosebumps covering them. I hated the effect he had on me. I felt a blanket covering me so I took the chance to move slightly over. I knew that Joe knew I was awake. I could feel both eyes on me, before James spoke.

“I never--” Joe cut him off.

“She doesn’t like talking about it. It makes her seem…weak.” Without moving too much that draw attention to me, I slid my hand into Joe’s, giving it a squeeze.

“She isn’t weak, far from it.” I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, but I held them back, knowing that if I let them go, James would know I was awake. Joe rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand, comforting me.

“She held up her whole family. Her dad left, Reece was only a baby and Jess was 13. Imagine how hard that was.” I knew Joe was trying to be careful about what he said, but it had been the first time I had heard him talk about it like this. “They owe her so much and they don’t even know it.”

“James.” I heard the voice of Nick, making me want to smile softly, but I held back. “Rebecca is downstairs, she wants to talk to you.” I heard shifting of the chair that sat in Joe’s room, something he rarely ever used.

“Thank you.” James said to Joe, before I heard footsteps walking across the hallway. Joe’s fingers drew across my shoulders, making me want to spring away bit I stayed, wanting to be close to him.

“Is she okay?” I heard Nick’s voice getting closer towards me. Joe gave my hand other squeeze, as if to reassure me. “What happened?”

“She’ll tell you. In due course. Just let her rest for now. I’ll be down in a bit.” I listened to the footsteps as they went downstairs, the door shutting behind Nick. “Isabelle.” I opened my eyes to look at Joe, his holding sympathy and care. “I know you heard it all.” I nodded my head. “It always hard to talk about it, I know. But he deserved to know.”

“I know, Joe. I know.” I pressed my fingers against the back of his hand, tearing my eyes away from his. “I just couldn’t. I never want to think of him again.” I sighed, pressing my head closer to Joe’s chest, feeling his warmth. “I owe you everything. If it wasn’t for you, I would never be able to do that. My strength comes from you.”

“And my strength comes from you. Everything I am comes from you. My brave girl.”