Someone out There Loves You

Mollers was feeling better the next night and had learned to laugh at us about the jail thing. I had a feeling she was going to hold that over us for a while. It was nice to have her back, though. She hung out with me backstage before the show but eventually headed out to get a good spot amongst the moshers. I just waited for my parents, kept company by the Way brothers.
Then on the dressing room door, a knock came. I jumped up and opened it to reveal my mom. I gave her a huge hug, just like the day before. “Mom, this is Gerard and Mikey.”
“Hi boys.” My God, I can’t believe she just called two guys in their thirties ‘boys.’ Only my mother. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too Cla—Mrs. Shier,” Mikey said.
She smiled. “You can just call me Claire.” How did he know that was my mom’s first name?
“Hey Mom, where’s Dad?”
“He’ll be here in a second, he was rooting up the camera from the car. Where’s this Molly I have to meet?”
“Mosh pit, you can meet her after the show.” Someone tapped on my shoulder and I whirled around. I was then blinded by a really bright flash.
“Most flattering picture I’ve ever gotten of you,” my dad grinned. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Dad!” I didn’t even care if he’d just called my ‘kiddo,’ I just jumped up and gave him a huge hug. He laughed and hugged me back tight. When he let me go he held me by the shoulder and surveyed me.
“Is it possible that you’re even more gorgeous then when you left home?” he smiled. “Skin and bones by now and obviously pretty damn tired, but beautiful.”
“I’ve missed you, Dad.” I hugged him again. “I’ve hardly talked to you since I left.”
“I know, it sucks. I’ve really missed you.”
“Oh, Dad.” I turned around. “This is Gerard and Mikey Way.” They smiled at my dad.
“Wait a second.” My dad was confused. “Why are you introducing me to them?”
“Uh, because you’ve never met them?”
“Very funny, you know I have.”
“Huh?”
“Todd.” Mom made a face at Dad and made a motion for him to shut up.
“Holy… “ My dad looked at me. “You don’t know.” He looked furiously at Gerard and Mikey. “YOU HAVEN’T TOLD HER?!”
Their faces fell. “Todd, not now,” Gerard said. “Just not now.”
“I am really confused right now,” I said. “Suddenly you’re on a first name basis with my dad, he knows you… just exactly what the fuck is going on?”
“The two of you,” my dad gestured to the Way brothers, “Are just cruel for doing this, I cannot believe you—“
“WHAT IS GOING ON?!” I screamed. “Dad, this is the second time you’ve done this, and last time you hung up on me. I want to know what is wrong with all of you and I want to know now.”
They all stared at me, shocked, probably because I was acting so pissed. “Clayah,” my mom said, her voice sad and weary, “You should sit down.”
I didn’t know why, but I obeyed and sat myself on one of the couches. The Way brothers sat on the loveseat across from me, my mom sat in the arm chair, and my dad stood behind her.
“You should’ve been told this from the beginning.” Dad shook his head.
“Told what?” My heart was throbbing for some reason, and I felt so nervous. Whatever was coming, it was big, and I was scared.
“Clayah…” Mom said, “Before you were born, your dad and I lived in Jersey.”
“Yeah, I know that.”
“And when we lived there, we knew Gerard and Mikey when they were kids.”
That was unexpected. “What?”
“And when you were born,” Gerard took over, “Your parents… adopted you. In Jersey.”
I looked at Mom and Dad. “Are you serious?” The words were choked out. They nodded. “And you never told me? Mom…” She didn’t look at me. She was crying.
“I was in high school,” Mikey said. “Gerard was in college. And then you came along.”
“Where are you going with this?”
Mikey teared up. “What we’re trying to say is… Clayah, you’re… our sister.”
I was taken aback immediately and my breath stopped. “Are you kidding?” But I could tell by the looks on their faces that they weren’t.
“Your mom couldn’t have kids,” Gerard said. “And you were such a surprise to us. Times were tough then. Another kid was just too much for our family.”
“You getting signed to Reprise was the last thing we wanted,” Mikey said. “We never wanted you to know. But the night Brett was at the House Of Blues, we were with him. We went back to your house and talked to your parents. But your Dad still said yes.”
“Of course I did!” Dad stepped over to me and knelt at my feet. “I always wanted you to know. But I just didn’t think you were old enough to handle it yet. Then this happened. I wanted to tell you right off the bat, but Gerard and Mikey wanted to tell you themselves.”
It all made so much sense now. Gerard and Mikey’s overprotective-ness. The day I met them and Mikey seeming so awkward. When I forgot to take my meds and I swore I heard Mikey call me ‘sis.’ The night Drew thought she saw them in the café. Gerard attacking Ryan so hard in Seattle. Why they stayed with me that night. Both of them being so against Barnabus. Why I didn’t look anything like my parents. My conversation with Dad on the phone.
Why felt so close to them.
“We almost weren’t able to tell you,” Gerard said. “Mollers… Mollers almost did it for us.”
Molly. MOLLY knew? Molly Iero, pretty much my closest friend? And she didn’t tell me.
“Clayah,” Mikey said, “We’re your brothers. You’re a Way.”
I still couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding so fast I could hardly hear, and it was starting to hurt a bit. It all made so much sense now. I was just too stupid to figure it out.
“I’m fourteen years old,” I whispered. “Fourteen years and you never told me.”
“We didn’t know how you’d take it,” my mom said. “We didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“And you thought lying to me all my life was the solution?!” I yelled. I was crying now, and I was livid. I’d never been so angry in my life.
“Clayah,” Gerard said, “Please calm down.”
“FUCK calm!” I stood up. “All four of your have lied to me. My whole life you’ve lied to me! Jesus, you made Mollers fucking lie to me. Goddammit who else knows?”
“Everyone on the tour,” Mikey said in a low voice. “Except your band.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I fell back again, and couldn’t keep myself from crying but put my face in my hand to try. I felt Mikey come over and try to hug me but I slapped him away.
“Don’t you DARE touch me, any of you,” I snarled. “I cannot fucking believe you. Mom and Dad have lied to me my whole life and you two have lied to me the whole tour.“
“We wanted to tell you!“
“THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE.”
“I tried to, once,” Gerard said, “The night Mikey and I stayed with you. But we were both supposed to do it and I just… I couldn’t.”
A tech came through the door. “Clayah,” she said, “You’re on.” Then vanished.
“I have a show to do,” I said stiffly.
“Clayah don’t go out there like this,” Mikey begged. He was really worked up. But I was topping him by far.
“This is my job and I’m going to do it,” I snapped. “You all might not get that, since it was your job to tell me who I really am.” I sniffed back tears and shook my head at them. “The hate I feel for all of you right now… you just disgust me. I just hate you.” I slammed the door behind me and stormed to the stage.

When the show was over, I went back to the dressing room. Gerard and Mikey were still there and had both clearly done a little crying. They stood when I came in the door.
“Can we talk?” Gerard said. “Please? Just listen to us for a minute.”
I didn’t look at him. I grabbed my leather jacket from where it was draped across one of the couches and pulled it on.
“What are you doing?” Gerard asked. I still didn’t answer him, just started for the door.
Mikey ran up in front of me and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Clayah, please,” he begged. “No one wanted to tell you more than I did. Believe me. I was there. The whole nine months I was there. The day they took you from the hospital… that was the hardest day of my life. Why do you think I got so upset all those times throughout the tour?”
As I looked in Mikey’s eyes I saw that he was genuinely hurt. He was throwing his heart into every word he said and desperately waiting for mine. I reached up and pulled his hands off my shoulders.
“If you were so close to me, Mikey, you should’ve told me.” He flinched but I did all I could to stay stone faced. “If you cared you two should’ve stayed in my life. The closest I ever got was hearing My Chemical Romance.” I turned so I was looking at Gerard, too. “That’s not fair.”
Gerard walked over and stood next to Mikey. “We know. But we just thought it was better for you.”
“How the hell would that be better for me?”
“It would give you a more normal life,” he explained.
I shook my head. “I haven’t known half of my life, Gerard. You made Molly fucking lie to me. And everyone else. This shouldn’t have gotten farther than us. You know what, I can’t fucking do this.” I pushed past the both of them and walked out the door.
“Clayah!” The Way brothers—my brothers—called.
“Oh, now you come after me? You’re fourteen years too late, guys. You should’ve come after me years ago.”
“Clayah—“
“Save it.”
When I got to the end of the hall I pushed the door open and let myself outside. Considering how worked up I was and how hard my heart was beating, what I did next was really stupid. But I knew they would come after me. Like that would make a difference.
So I took off running. I didn’t know where I was going. Hell, I could hardly see I was crying so hard. I hated them. My parents, Gerard, Mikey. All of them. Molly broke my damn heart and I hated her too. And all the other guys. Only my band had been loyal to me. But I didn’t want to see any of them. I had to go somewhere they couldn’t find me.
I was halfway across the parking lot when I heard Gerard and Mikey. I looked back and they were coming after me. I knew the city better than they did. I ducked into an alley and disappeared from their sight. I kept running and running. I finally came to the end and saw the city ahead, but before I went out I slammed my back against the wall. I sunk to the pavement. And I did what I hated most.
I cried.
My chest hurt from my blood pumping. I heaved and choked, trying to stay quiet so no one would turn. It just wasn’t fair. The people I loved, the people I’d idolized and then learned to love. They’d all lied to me. This should’ve been the happiest time of my life and it just exploded in my face. Had they gotten so close to me thinking that would soften the blow? I trusted them! This only made it hurt more.
Once I’d let it all out, I wiped my face on my jacket and sniffed back as much hate as I could. Then I stood, smoothed myself down, pulled up the hood on my jacket underneath (I wasn’t about to be attacked again), and stepped out of the alley. I didn’t want them to find me. If they cared, let them worry. They fucking deserved it. When I wanted to be found I would come back. I stepped into the mass of people and let myself blend in.
I still had no idea where to go; not home. It wasn’t home. They knew me so well they’d look for me at a Starbuck’s. And I really didn’t want to be me anymore, honestly. I would stand in my music, of course, considering that was all I really had right then. Plus that was all a lot of kids who looked up to me had. But I would never be the same Clayah Shier again.
Because, apparently, I was Clayah Way.
Surprise.