All I Wanted Was You

Breathe.
I thought of the tune I wrote that had no lyrics.
Just tell him slowly.
One thing at a time.
“You know how I told you how my parents died?”
“Yeah.”
“That was only part of it. After that I just kind of lost it. I was just so depressed. I had lost everything that meant to me. And my relationship with Nathan started to crumble and I was grieving that I didn’t notice that he was starting to stray. There were days, even weeks where I didn’t see him or hear from him.”
Its alright.
“I started to finally function a little bit. I had Danny and Cordelia come over and make some food and they would check on me. I was okay but I needed someone else there and I noticed that he wasn’t there. I called him but no answer. I left messages but nothing.”
Together, keep it together.
“I was a complete mess. I just stayed in bed, staring at my ceiling and thinking about my parents, and where Nathan was. And one evening he just appeared out of nowhere. He was at my door, drunk. I had never seen him like that but you could smell it on him. He didn’t do anything at first he just stormed into my house and demanded I make him food. And I wasn’t in the state of mind to handle anything so I said no and tried to kick him out. But he grabbed me and pinned me up against the wall, and what he said next will never really leave my memory.”
I felt a hand tighen around mine.
“he put his face in front of mine and said, ‘Come on baby, lets say I make a woman out of you and let me have my fun finally.’ And started to kiss me all over. I felt so disgusting but at the same time I couldn’t move, I was so paralyzed by the fear of what he was going to do next that I just didn’t move. I just started to weep. My parents were dead, and the man that I love, and I thought loved me back was going to rape me…and I couldn’t move. I didn’t scream I just stood there and cried.”
I felt the grip on my hand get tighter and I looked up to see his face was covered in anger.
“I thank god every day for my best friend. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning. Because he was the one that saved me from having another added tragedy in my life. Danny came in because he was next door, he was dropping off groceries for tonight’s dinner when he saw Nathan on top of me, and the tears running down my face. He threw him out but not before making him bleed. He carried me upstairs and all I could do was cry. He kept trying to make me talk but all I could do was cry and cry until I just stopped. After that Cordy was always there with me and Dan was there after he was done with work. Taking care of me. I just checked out on life after that. I didn’t do anything I just laid in my bed. I didn’t talk, I went mute for a couple months. I scared the living shit of those two because I was just gone. I wasn’t even there, I was in a place so dark that I just didn’t want to get out. What was there to come back to? They had doctors come look at me but they couldn’t explain it, they kept saying I was catatonic, and in shock after everything that happened, my parents and then Nathan. I didn’t care if I was ever normal again. Cordy everyday at 5 o’clock pm had this thing where she turned on the radio and let the music just fill my room. She though it would help but I couldn’t hear it. It was like nothing was there. Then one day all of a sudden Julia came on and I just got up and went to the radio and got closer to it. I picked it up and carried it to my parents room. I looked around to see their things were still untouched. And I started to feel everything again. Cordy found me standing with a radio in my arms in my parents room. She was happy I was out of bed and hugged me but I still didn’t talk. It took a long time before I did. It was baby steps after that. I was broken, shattered and trying to put the pieces together was even harder still but I did it. You could see all the cracks but I was together but not in the same way anymore. I didn’t go out as much, I didn’t make anymore friends, and I swore never to date or fall in love with anyone.”
I looked at him and he just stared at me and brought me closer to him and held me close.
“And here I am sharing everything with the man I have fallen in love with.”
He went stiff for a moment and then relaxed.
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me.”
“Say it again.”
I took a deep breathe and said it
“I love you Rob. I love you.”
I looked up to see a smile on that face of his
“And you know I love you. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Showing me all your cracks.”
“I knew I had to tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because he is going to find me.”
“Who?”
“Nathan.”
And I pray he doesn’t destroy my life.