Without You I'll Be Miserable at Best

“Mom,” I call running into the living room in my house, “Mom?” I walk through the living room into the kitchen. She’s sitting at the counter, working on her laptop.

“Hey, Lex.” She looks up and smiles, her face quickly turns to one of concern when she looks at me, “Alex, what’s wrong.”

“I-I think I just did something really stupid.” I respond, taking quite the interest in my feet.

My mom stands up walking over to me. She puts her hands on my shoulder, and looks me directly in the eye. “Alex, what did you do?”

I bit my lip, looking away from her, “I-I kissed Zack.”

My mom looks at me, with stiff shoulders, before sighing and walking over to a chair. “Is that all?” She asks, sounding relieved.

“Um, yeah. You’re not mad at me… are you?” I ask, fidgeting a bit.

“Of course not. I know what its like to be your age. Everyone experiments, Alex. Unless, you know for sure what you are, but even then its fine.”

“I’m bisexual Mom.”

My mom rolls her shoulders, “I sort of figured, you were.”

“What?” I jump forward; I had been convinced that I hid it pretty well… unless- She wouldn’t have… She didn’t, did she?

“A mother knows, Alex… that and you and Zack were always a little too close. Do you know what I mean?” She asks, grinning a bit. It was an evil grin in a sense.

“Yeah, Mom,” I blush, thinking back to all of the cuddle sessions, me and Zack had. Or all the times we feel asleep on each other and how we always sat on each other. And then there was that one time she walked in, and Zack’s head was in my lap, sleeping. Oh yeah, me being bi, wouldn’t have come as a surprise.

“But, Alex, I just have one question; are you and Taylor still dating?”

I cringe, “Yeah.”

She frowns, and looks at her computer screen. She probably didn’t enjoy the fact I had kissed someone else, while I was dating someone… if you could even count Taylor as a person. “So, what did Zack do, when you kissed him?”

“He just, he just stood there.”

“Hmm,” My mom hums. “Is he straight?” she asks.

“That’s the thing! I don’t know! He may be, but I really don’t think he is. I mean he’s been asked out by like twenty girls since his last girlfriend. He turns ‘em all down though.” I mutter the last bit, “I just hope he’s not straight though.”

“Alex, you can’t wish for someone to be that way. And you can’t have a person try and be something they aren’t”

“I know Mom,” I sigh. “I can dream right?”

“That you can,” she smiles. She goes back to working on her laptop, key clicking away.

“But… um that isn’t what I needed to talk to you about.”

My mom looks up, raising an eyebrow, meaning that I should continue. I bite my lip, looking nervous, “What if Zack won’t talk to me?”

My mom smiles, “Alex, I’m sure Zack will talk to you. Don’t worry about that. I think he’ll just take it as a joke and who knows? He could tell you he felt something more.”

“He didn’t do anything, Mom. It was almost like I didn’t kiss him.” I explain.

“I know, but from the sounds of it. He was probably more stunned that you did it, then angry with you.”

I nod. I hope he wasn’t angry at me. And knowing it was my fault for making him unhappy would make me feel terrible.

I pace myself as I walk towards Zack’s front door. I really didn’t want to do this. I knock and yell, "Zack! It's Alex."

He opens the door on the second knock. He has bags under his eyes and looks like he only got out of bed because his mother made him.

I smile uneasily before saying, "We, um... kinda need to talk about yesterday." I nibble on my lip, as I enter his house. So far it didn’t seem like he was angry at me.

"Yeah..." He responds. I sit on the couch and pat the seat next to me, waiting for him to sit next to me.

"Well, I'm really sorry for kissing you yesterday. It's my hormones acting up. Ya know? Taylor is a terrible kisser and her lips are all chapped and shit." I lie. There was no way in hell Zack was gay. And I’d rather keep my sexuality to myself a little while longer. Well, just until I know that no one in our group is homophobic. "But if it makes you feel better, your lips are much softer then Tay's." I try and smile at him

"It’s okay, but why did you leave yesterday?" he asks, completely ignoring what I said… maybe he was gay, or bi. Maybe that’s why he was asking… or… wait, I was supposed to sleep over, so much for getting my hopes up.

"Come on, Alex, I deserve to know! Alex, just fucking tell me why!?" he demands.

I bite my tongue. I had to continue this lie, even if it bothered him. “Why do you care? You make it sound like you wanted me to kiss you.” My voice is cold as I speak, and I flinch as I say it. It goes unnoticed by Zack though. I stand up and tower over him… even though I did that to begin with. He was beyond short.

“Hey it was a question, I deserve an answer.” He pushes me back.

I sit back down on the couch and put my head in my hands, “Sorry for shouting. I left because… I was nervous you were gonna freak out and flip a shit on me. Or, well I don’t know, it was stupid.”

“It’s okay, Alex.” I smile and start cuddling into him. He relaxes and just lies in me. My lips graze over his hair. I could die after this a happy man.

I rearrange Zack on my lap and maybe it was just me, but there was something different about him, “You know, Zee, you’re a lot smaller then I remember, but I guess that’s because we haven’t done this in a long time.”

“Probably.” He responds closing his eyes, his head lying on my chest.

We talk a little bit more, before I lace our fingers together. Zack flinches as I do so, instantly concerning me. "You okay Zee?"

"Well me being a women, means I have a period as well as cramps." He jokes. I smile, Zack could be funny sometimes.

"Oh, so it's your time of the month... That explains a lot." I smirk at him; he had set himself up for this.

"Shut up!" His voice cracks, earning a laugh from me. H e punches me in the shoulder, a great big grin on his face.

About five minutes later my phone goes off. Where? In my pocket, right under Zack’s ass. Insert embarrassment here.

"Well aren't you being a little blunt about what you want." He smirks.

I roll my eyes and my hand dives into my pocket grabbing my phone.

"Hey, hold up, that's not your phone." He shouts, inching around, my lap.

"Well it isn’t anything else cuz there's nothing to grab." I respond.

"Just admit it, you want this ass." He smirks as I successfully hiding my blush.

"Yeah, I just wanna shove my dick in there." I fake a moan. "Damn it Zee, stop or you'll give me a boner!"

I look at the text message and frown. Of course it was Taylor. Some message about her saying she was going to kill herself and it was my entire fault. I sigh, she just had to go and disturb us.

“What is it?” Zack asks, his big green eyes staring up at me.

"It's Taylor. Why can't she get that we're done? I don't wanna fucking go see her."

"She wants to talk?"

"No, she's lying about how she is going to commit suicide because I don't love her. I should just call 911 on her ass." I laugh.

"She’d be so pissed at you."

A second later I get a call from an unknown number. "Who is this?" I ask.

"Alex, is that you?" the caller asks.

"Yeah, who wants to know?" I grumble.

"Demetrios, Taylor’s brother, listen you need to get over here." The voice is filled with worry and I can hear his feet pacing about.

"Dude, we broke up. I don't want to see her."

"She's got a gun! She locked herself in the bathroom."

"Shit," I jump up and locate my shoes. "I thought she was joking! I'll be right there." I hang up and look at Zack, "Sorry, Zee, I'll be back as soon as I can.

He nods, and I bend towards him, lightly placing a kiss on his nose.

I enter the familiar house, after being let in by an older boy. He was tall, really tall. He towered over me by at least half a foot. “Oh,” He sighs in relief, “You’re here. She’s up in the bathroom.”

I nod climbing the stairs. I knock on the bathroom door. I wait and don’t hear anything. I knock again, “Taylor, it’s me Alex. Hey! Are you okay?”

Still nothing. Shit. She could already be dead. I didn’t need this on my conscience. I start banging, at a furious speed, on the door.

And then, out of no where the door flies towards me and my face is smashed against the door. I groan as pain flares on my face.

“What the fuck?” I yell, being kicked to the floor. I look at and am dumbfounded.

Demetrios? Why was he doing this? Was she already dead? Was he blaming me? He restrains my arms with his leg and calls, “Hey Taylor, come on out. I got him.”

The bathroom door opens and walks a petite figure.

“What the fuck is going on Taylor?” I spit. What was her damage? I thought she was joking. Why did I have to be so caring about what happened to other people.

I groan as her brother digs the heel of his foot into my back. “Shut up and listen,” He growls.

Taylor stares at me with venom in her eyes. ‘You thought you could just break up with me?” He voice is as high as ever. “Huh? Well you can’t!”

“And why can’t I?” I ask, her brother foot, pressing me down even harder.

“Because I know your little secret and I’ll spread it to the entire school?” She smirks.

She couldn’t know. She was just making something up. There was no way she could ever find out. She didn’t have any sources and couldn’t read my emotions as well as she said she could. Unless, she… she must of. She read my journal… that’s the only way she would know. I knew that was a dumb idea. Too late to kick myself for it though.

“What’s my secret then?” I ask.

Her grin turns more sinister as she answers, “You, Alex, have a crush on your best friend. And your best friend is a guy. You’re gay.”

“Correction, bisexual. If I was gay, I wouldn’t be dating you.” I respond.

“He has a good point,” Demetrios points out.

“Thank you.”

“Both of you shut up!” She shouts. “Now, Alex, dear, if you break up with me, I’ll tell the whole school about you and just think about how disgusted Zack would be.”

I roll my eyes, feeling very defiant at the moment, “I don’t care if he knows, he was going to end up finding out sooner or later. So he happened to know I like him sooner.” I would have shrugged my shoulders but I was a little tied down at the moment. Not funny? I know.

She smiles, sadly at me. I was seriously getting annoyed at that expression being on her face. “That’s not all babe, if you break up with me, my brother will beat the living shit out of you.”

I bite my lip, “I could deal with that.”

She shakes her head, “I still wasn’t done. Not only will he beat you he’s hurt your precious little Zack.”

I stare at her with wide eyes. I could deal with her hurting me, but there was no way I was going to let her hurt him, too. I exhale in defeat, “Fine, Taylor. I won’t break up with you.”

She smiles pleasantly for once, even though her face is still twisted, “Good, now here are your rules.”