Jasey Rae

JASEY RAE

Was it wrong that my heart was racing the entire time I was on All Time Low’s bus? Probably. I didn’t take it as a good sign. I still had one more day to go. Interviews were over but tomorrow was the day everyone performed and I had photos to take.

“Jesus Christ,” I said, falling on my back onto the bed in the hotel room. He’d looked the same as I last saw him for the most part but I couldn’t help notice the changes. For one his hair didn’t have those blonde streaks in it anymore. He wasn’t as lanky as I remembered. It bothered me how much I noticed the muscles in his arms. Another thing was that he looked aged. He didn’t physically look older than he should but his face looked a little worn. I suspected it was from one two many nights with friends like Patrone. The youthful, hopeful gleam he used to have to his eyes had dimmed and I wondered why that was. Was he getting sick of the life he’d made for himself? I had so many questions that I knew I would never have answers to. With a groan I threw my arm over my eyes and tried to relax and let my mind wander…

“Happy Birthday,” he said, holding a cupcake out that had a candle stuck in the middle. “Make a wish.”

I smiled, closed my eyes, made a wish, then blew the candle out.

“What’d you wish for?”

“You know I can’t tell you.”

Alex shook his head, his bangs falling in front of his eyes. “So stubborn.” He took the candle out and unwrapped the cupcake so the wrapping wasn’t touching the sides then placed it in my hand.

With a smile I ripped part of it off and tossed it into my mouth. “Chocolate. Wise choice.”

“I thought so.” Alex turned back to the steering wheel - we were in his brother’s car - and pulled out of my driveway.

“So where are we going?” I asked, tossing another bit of cupcake in my mouth.

“It’s a surprise.” He smiled and slowed to a stop as we approached a red light.

“Say ‘ah”,” I said, ripping off a bit of cupcake.

“Ah?”

I tossed it into his mouth.

“Thanks,” he chuckled.

God, he’s got a cute laugh… I looked down into my lap trying to hide the pink that I knew was spreading to my face.

Alex was looking at me with his peripherals, I could tell, but when I looked back up he was just looking at the road, a smile on his face. “So are you gonna tell me what you wished for?”

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Well played, Ms. Howard.”

“Thank you, Mr. Gaskarth.”

He smiled and continued driving.

“Let’s see…” I said, putting the cupcake in a cup holder. “What does Alexander listen to on his spare time?” I pressed play on the iPod he had plugged into the car stereo and was surprised when Blink-182 came on. “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket? I love that album!” I scrolled through to pick a song.

“Wait, you like Blink?”

“I LOVE Blink.”

“Shit…” Alex smiled and shook his head. “There is a God.”

I played First Date with a little smirk on my face.

“Wise choice.”

“I thought so.”

We drove along for the next few minutes singing along to a good third of the record. I tried to sing quieter to get a chance to listen to Alex’s voice. If you offered me a million dollars to explain what Alex’s voice sounds like I couldn’t do it and serve it its proper justice. It was a ringing broad voice with a high and slightly even raspy quality that lined it just so. At one point I stopped singing all together just to listen to him.

“What?” He asked laughing when he caught me staring.

“You… you sing.”

“Well, yeah. Remember May told you? I’m just another pretty boy lead singer.” He smirked.

“Yeah but I didn’t know you could actually sing. I thought you were just one of those guys that fiddles around with his friends.”

“That’s basically what I am.”

“But you’re actually really talented!” I said, smiling.

“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged but was smiling. “I’ve always liked singing even though my brother used to call me a fag for it when I was little.” He chuckled. “Now he calls me a fag for how close Jack and I are.”

“So I’ve noticed,” I smiled. “Who would you say is the guy in your bromance?”

“I”m definitely the guy. Jack is the chick.”

“That’s not what he said.”

“You went and asked Jack first?”

“He is my next door neighbor?”

“Damn.” He laughed. “Well, he’s wrong.”

“Well… he is taller…”

“I’m not the chick, okay?!”

“Okay, okay.” I looked out my window to hide my smile. “No need to get your panties in a bunch, Alexandra.”

“Nice. Reeeeal original.” Alex pulled his car to a stop on the side of an empty street. Next to us was the edge of a forest.

“Alex… Where are we?”

He unbuckled his seatbelt then unbuckled mine. “Well, you called me a girl’s name so now this is the part where I drag you to the forest and kill you.”

My eyes went as wide as saucers.

“Oh shit. I was kidding, Jasey.” He laughed and squeezed my hand. “It’s part of your surprise. Come on. I promise it’ll be fine.”

“Pinky swear?” I asked.

He picked my hand up, locked pinkies, then pressed our thumbs together. “Double pinky swear.”

We got out of the car and Alex took my hand and led me into the forest. We walked between some trees and over fallen branches and Alex kept a firm grip on my shoulder the entire time. “Watch your step,” he said, helping me around a little ditch. “This is why I told you not to dress nicely.” We walked for another minute or so and then we stopped. “Alright,” Alex looked up. “Look. Tell me what you see.”

“A water tower?”

“Yup. You scared of heights? Please say no.” He laughed softly, his fingers still intwined with mine even though we’d stopped walking.

I smiled and shook my head, still looking up. “Not at all. Is this legal?”

“Are you ever supposed to do something legal on your sixteenth birthday?”

“We’re not dying my hair pink, are we?”

Alex laughed and squeezed my hand again. “Just trust me. I think you’ll like this.” He led me over to the water tower and helped me onto the ladder. “Now keep climbing. Just don’t look down and it’ll be fine. I’ll be right behind you.”

Slowly, I climbed up the metal ladder, the pattern of right foot, left hand, left foot, right hand embedding itself into my head. “Holy shit…” I let out when I accidentally looked down.

“Jasey, don’t look down. Just keep going.”

I did so quietly. We finally got to the top after a little while of climbing and I let out a relieved sigh.

“I thought you said you weren’t afraid of heights,” Alex said standing next to me.

“I didn’t think I was.”

He chuckled. “Well, if you’re not too terrified I’d like you to look over here.” He turned me so my back was against the water tower and I was looking out. “This is Baltimore. It’s not much compared to Time Square but I thought you’d appreciate seeing some city lights. It’s just something to make you a little less homesick.”

I looked out and it was just miles of colored lights. The city of Baltimore shone beneath me and I found myself smiling so hard that my face almost hurt. “This… This is perfect. Thank you, Alex.” I looked up at him, his frame a whole eleven inches taller than mine.

“Still scared?” he asked, smiling down at me.

“Not at all.”

“Good. Let’s sit then.” We moved slowly to sit on the little landing that we’d been standing on, careful no to fall under the safety bar. “Now if you want I can press the little panic button on my brother’s car keys and a car alarm will go off. Will that feel more New York to you?” I rolled my eyes and smiled and he smiled back. “I wish I could’ve taken you to dinner,” he said swinging his legs a little.

“Yeah but I think my mom would’ve thrown a fit if I didn’t stay home for dinner on my birthday,” I said, with a little laugh. “Next time, maybe.”

“So there will be a next time?” Alex tilted his head to look at me quizzically.

I swung my legs, my shoelaces fluttering in the air and nodded. “Mhm.”

Alex looked down and smiled. “Not so stubborn after all.

“Do you want me to say no?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Alright, alright.”

We sat up there in that water tower for hours. By the time we got home I’d just made curfew. It was strange, we didn’t really do anything at all. We circled the water tower a hundred something times, we asked each other questions and that’s all. Nothing more nothing less. We just… spoke. Yet, with that being the facts I still went to bed that night not knowing how on earth I was going to end up falling asleep. We did nothing but it was everything.

“Why do you wanna be a musician?” I had asked, circling the water tower again. Each footstep came down with a little pang against the metal landing. Alex was on the other side of the water tower, circling as well.

“I guess ‘cause it’s all I know how to do. I hate school, I won’t even pretend I’m good at academics. The only classes I ever really did well in were writing classes so that leaves song writer or author and the singing thing’s going alright so far so why not?”

“I guess that’s a good enough reason,” I said, hearing Alex’s footsteps get louder as he approached me. “I think the luckiest people are the people who can live for what they do, not do something just to live.”

We’d reached that point in circling where we met up with each other again. “So you’re saying that even if the success rate is low you should do what you love and love what you do?”

I nodded. “Mhm.”

“And what if that leaves you to be a hobo and you’re starving?”

“Are you a happy hobo?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Then continue doing it because you’re marking the world with your work and you’re happy while doing so. Who cares if you live in a hut or a mansion?”

Alex shook his head smiling. “I don’t know if it’s that simple.”

“Nothing is so there’s no point in thinking on it so much.” I smiled up at him and his little crooked smile and we just stood there for a few seconds. One heartbeat… two heartbeats… three heartbeats… Then Alex started walking again, walking past me and disappearing behind the curve of the water tower.

“Happy Birthday,” Alex said when we reached my house. He put the car in park and turned the overhead light on. “How was your sixteenth, you think?”

“Well, it was no drunken night at the park but I think I’ll remember it twenty years from now.” I smiled.

Alex looked at me and then laughed, turning to go open the door to leave.

“Can I ask you a question?” I said, before he could get out.

He turned back around to face me, put his elbows on the middle console, then his chin in his hands theatrically. “Yeah, shoot. Ask me anything. Have Jack and I kissed? Yes. Plenty of times. He’s a biter. Why did you want to know?”

I laughed. “No, not that.” He smiled and I looked down at my hands for a second then back up at him. “Why didn’t you kiss me at the water tower?”

He blinked a few times, then smiled. “Well,” he said chuckling. “If you must know it’s because I have no idea how to read you and I didn’t know if you wanted me to. What if I went for a kiss and you shot me down again? I don’t think I could handle that much rejection,” he said with a soft laugh. He tilted his head to the side a bit, looking at me. “Were you expecting me to?”

I nodded softly.

“Well…” Alex took his arms off the console and shook them out. Then he exhaled and inhaled quickly three times. I raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m warming up. I’ve gotta do this right.” I laughed despite myself. “Alright,” he said, leaning over the console again. “Now I’m ready.”

I smiled and bit my lip softly and watched as Alex’s eyes slide closed.

“Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no. This isn’t right. Hold on.” Alex turned and opening the car door and got out.

“What are you doing?” I asked, laughing as he ran behind the car and over to my door. He opened it then squatted down to be eye level with me and took my hands out of my lap.

“Jasey Rae, would you do me the honor of letting me kiss you?”

I laughed and nodded and he did. The kiss was light at first, like he was afraid to touch me. It was a feathery kiss, a ghost of a kiss so I let go of his hands and put one of mine to his face, pressing my lips into his a little harder. He chuckled and kissed me back with more force this time, our lips moving fluidly and in time with each other as his hand came up to cup the one I had on his cheek. Then he pulled away gently.

“Was that alright?”

I nodded. “That’s what I wished for.”

“For me to kiss you?”

I smiled gently and nodded.

“Well, what a waste of wish, I would’ve done so had you just said something.” He smiled and pushed my bangs away from my eyes. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he said softly.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.”

“Yeah. I do. But I hardly ever mean it…”

I threw my arm off my eyes and I was back in my hotel room again. The memories of five years ago crawled back into my head and I sighed wishing silently that the Delorean were real because if it was I’d go back to the summer before my junior year and stay there forever. Five years had passed and both of us had changed enough for me to realize we were practically different people than the naive teenagers we used to be. Where did the fucking time go? I don’t know. All I knew was that tomorrow I had another long day of nostalgia ahead of me and I needed to brace myself for it before I ended up falling over.