It's Just Me, Roland and Ivan.

A baby; a beautiful being with arms and legs, eyes and mouth, a creation; a young and new soul entering this world, combination of two people's love, something to love and to hold.; a life. Someone to teach and care for, someone I get to call my own. That's what I want, and it's all I can think about.

I will do anything to have a child of my own, but I won’t be alone in the process. My boyfriend is right along for the ride, with me. Yes, there are some good guys out there. My boyfriend and I are happily in love and we both really want a child.

Ivan and I have been together two years now. I am fourteen years old and Ivan is seventeen. So yes there is a little bit of an age difference, but that’s okay. Ivan is the one who asked me out two years ago. I was only twelve, I truly didn’t think I would be ready to be in a relationship, but Ivan really made me feel beautiful. He made me smile all the time and I just felt like I could be myself with him so I couldn’t reject him. It paid off that I didn’t because he is the best person for me. We’ve been going strong for 2 years and we’ll be going strong for many, many more. Ivan tells me that I'm his dream girl; I believe him. Ivan, he’s my dream come true, and a baby will just make us stronger.

We’ve been talking about having a baby together for a little while now. I’d say it’s been about six months that we’ve been talking about it and we’ve been trying for about four months. ‘Till this day, nothing has happened, but we aren’t giving up, there’s no way. We both want this child so much and we’ll do anything possible to have it.

Ivan and Roxy, doesn't that just have a sweet ring to it? I think it does. I think that even based on our looks we look amazing together. I'm the shy, innocent looking girl, not too popular, but not totally nerdy either, I kind of talk to everyone who acts kindly toward me. I get along with most of the people in my grade level. Ivan; well he's the school's heartthrob, but he's a sweetheart. All the girls want him, but he wants me and only me, so I must be special. I am so lucky to call him mine, and I am so happy to be with him.

Ivan is laying next to me; naked. I just woke up from a beautifully heated love making session. Ivan and I make love daily, sometimes it ends up being more than just once. Yes, we make love; not sex no. In fact, Ivan and I don't believe in having sex. We think sex is just a careless word, used for fun. Ivan was the one who suggested that we use the term make love as opposed to sex. Do you see how mature my man is?

"Roxy baby are you going to school today?" He asked

"No babe."I said

"Good because I love spending Friday's with you." He said

"Oh so you're not going into school either?" I asked

"Nah, coach said I could take it off." He said

I smile and Ivan kisses me. I get on top of him; I know where this is leading.

"Oh Roxy," he moaned softly.

I moan a little as well and he begins to touch my breasts. I grind my hips into his and I moan. I lean in and kiss him hard on the lips. Ivan's hands rub my tits in a harder and quicker motion. This causes me to blush and he starts to suck my left nipple. I begin to giggle and my hands go down his chest. I am now at his waist. He smirks and my hand cups the head of his dick. I rub my fingers over it slightly and he moans. I love to tease his dick like I do. I keep rubbing it a little harder and he shivers under me. I can feel a little pre-cum leak out slowly, already. It's so hot. I get it on my fingers and lick it off. He brings me down and kisses me. I deepen the kiss a little and he shoves his tongue into my mouth. We keep on kissing for ten minutes. During the ten minutes the pumps I am giving to his dick get harder. I can tell he loves this. He flips me over and places himself at my entrance. He looks me in the eye and slowly enters me. Ivan is so gentle. It's crazy how he's still so gentle with me, even though we make love daily; and has been for the past year. I moan under him and he keeps on going. His thrusts get a little harder but not too hard either.

"Damn Roxy," He said

I kiss him and he cuddles me to his body, he is so soft.

"You think you'll get pregnant this time?" He asked

"I hope so. I mean it's about time that it happens." I said

"Yep." He said

The day goes by smoothly and we make love another two times. I love the days I stay home with Ivan.

"I love you." Ivan said and kissed my ear.

"I love you too." I said

I guess two more times, was going to turn into three. Ivan knows exactly how to make me have an orgasm more than once.

When neither one of us go to school it usually ends up happening at least twice, and today it was going to be three. Who knows what will happen the rest of the day.
----
Ivan and I were just lying there together happily; he was holding me close to his body. The contact of our skin was incredible. Being with him just felt so right and I had no intention of this every changing.

“Ivan, I have a question for you.” I said.

“Yes?” He questioned

“You’re about wanting this baby right?” I asked

“Roxy, of course I’m certain, why would you even doubt me.” He said

He pulls his arm away from my shoulder and I feel cold. This also means that Ivan is going to get a little upset; I should not have asked this question.

Ugh, why am I so stupid?

“It’s just I’ve read some teen pregnancy stories and well some of the guys say they’ll stay and then they actually leave them.” I said, with a tinge of sadness to my voice.

“Well, you need to know that I am nothing like those guys and you should know that. Just the fact that you mentioned this gives me the idea that you don’t trust my word enough. Maybe this is an indication that you’re not ready to have a baby with me,”

I felt the tears well up in my eyes, I knew it was a mistake to ask him that question, but I wasn’t expecting this to be his reaction. What hurt the most was that he mentioned me not being ready to have a baby. I am ready and he knows that I am ready.

I hate when this happens. I hate that just because I asked him a question like that he treats me like a baby.

“Please don’t say that, of course I’m ready, and of course I trust you. I’m just scared.” I said
I was able to feel a tear drop fall from my eyes. He took his hand and wiped it away.

“Don’t cry, I just hate that you think these things of me. I hate that you are constantly assuming that I am going to leave you once you fall pregnant. I know how much you want this and you know how much I want this. Fuck Roxy!”

His voice seemed to be getting angrier, it was scaring me a little bit.

The tears just poured down my face. I couldn’t control this anymore, I hated what I had just done to him and I hated the fact that I cried so easily.

“Look, it’s just a scary thought because I know that if I get pregnant my parents won’t be supportive of it. They’re going to abandon me and if you leave me, I’ll be totally alone. What a story that would be, a fourteen year old pregnant girl who’s all alone.” I said

“I’m not leaving you, I promise.” He said.

Though I believe him, he sounds really cold toward me. I guess I really made him angry. I feel so terrible about this, but all I can do is hope for the best.

Ivan just kisses me lightly, but he doesn’t pull me close to his body.
I turn to look at the window and hope that sleep overcomes me.
---
It’s Monday, you know what that means, another week of school.

Ever since Ivan and I started this school year, we’ve been getting nothing but shitty comments. They’re mean and rude and it makes me so sad. I don’t even understand why they’re being this way toward us because Ivan and I have done absolutely nothing wrong. We’re just being happy together and expressing the love he and I share with one another. Just because we hold hands and kiss sometimes, that is no reason to hate us.

Maybe that’s just because they’re jealous of us. If that’s the case, I really don’t blame them then. Any girl would be blessed to have a wonderful man like Ivan, and I must say that Ivan is lucky to have a girl like me too.

Ivan and I were walking hand in hand to our English class. Yes, I saidour English class. You see Ivan failed English and I take an advanced English class, which puts in me a class that is two years above my grade level. It’s really only supposed to be one year above, but since Ivan failed, I fought to be put in a class two years above my grade level. I am handling it very well.
Ivan failed English last year simply because the teacher didn’t like him; the stuff he handed in was wonderful, I would know, I helped him do most of it. No matter what he did she always found something wrong with him. Ivan says that she hated him because he was an athlete; she always gave athletes a hard time.

Everyone always gave Ivan a hard time; they only did that because they felt threatened by his abilities that’s the only reason why. I don’t blame them for being threatened though, Ivan was the star athlete, and he played on nearly every team and was just amazing at every sport.

“Roxy, I love you,” He whispered softly after he kissed me

I kissed him back with passion and hunger, the desire to do more is there.

When Ivan and I kiss we can’t help but want more than to just kiss. We want to just be happy and engulfed in each other’s love, and we want that passion to unite us.

“Tonight,” he said softly in my ear as he kissed my neck.

I love when Ivan kisses me neck; it feels so good and so perfect. I love it so much.

Ivan and are sitting in class, waiting for the teacher to begin the lesson, she always takes so long to get ready, it’s so annoying.

“Okay everyone; I want us to begin the class with a little writing exercise.”

The entire class started to groan.

“I want you to write me a small paragraph about something you love and admire dearly,” she said
The first thing that comes into mind is Ivan and I having a baby. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.

Maybe he’s thinking about the same things, but maybe he isn’t, I really don’t have a clue.

“Let me guess, Roxy is going to write about her precious little Ivan now isn’t she?” Britney said in such a bitchy tone.

“Yea, because we all know Roxy is nothing without Ivan,” Lauren added

I hate when this happens because they end up making use feel like total fucking crap and I know that I don’t deserve this and neither does Ivan for that matter.

“Shut up!” Ivan yelled

“Why?” Britney said with a pout

“Roxy can write whatever the fuck she wants to write about, and if she chooses to write about me then that’s okay!! Roxy is her own person and was before I came into her life.” He said
I love the way Ivan defended me when others crossed the line.

It makes me realize how much he cares about me and I will show him my fondest appreciation after school.

“Oh look, not only is Roxy dating a loser who failed English, but she can’t even fight her own battles.”

I couldn’t believe that this was happening, were they really bringing this up again. We all know Ivan failed English. What the fuck? Get over it.

“Listen, everyone knows that Ivan failed because of the teacher, so why the fuck, don’t you back off!” I yelled

“Enough! All of you get to work, or all of you will have a detention got it?”

We all returned to our papers, but I couldn’t help having my eyes avert onto Ivan’s paper.

Butterflies erupted in my stomach when I saw my name and baby on the same page. That meant that he really was serious about all of this. It meant that he and I were on the same page, it meant that if I do get pregnant that it’s all going to be okay.
....
The bell rang and Ivan and I were out in the hallway.

I was able to tell that Ivan’s face is looking slightly angry. I wondered what I did wrong this time around.

“Look, you can’t keep doing that,” he said

“Doing what?” I asked

“Don’t play dumb, what you said in class,” he said

“I was just defending you, you did it for me.”

“That’s my job, Roxy, you doing it for me, it makes me look lame.” He said

I could tell that he felt emasculated. I wasn’t trying to make him feel that way.

“I’m sorry, Ivan, I just hate when they bring it up,” I say.

“I do too, but don’t think that gives you the right to fight battles for me. I do that on my own, okay. Promise never again?” He asked

“Ivan-”

“Don’t even go on, we both know what I can do if a certain event happens,” He said

My heart shattered into a million pieces; I guess he’s really serious about this.

Damn, I knew it; I should have just shut my mouth. Ivan is totally right about me, he really is. I should not have fought his battle; he is a big boy and can do it on his own. I know I was just trying to protect him, but he wasn’t wrong, I crossed a line and I’d make sure it doesn’t happen again.

“I promise, baby, I love you,” I said with passion and affection

“I love you too,”

“I’ll make it up to you tonight,” I said

“Damn right you will,” he said

“You know it.”

“Now be good in History.”

I kiss him and we part ways.

While I was in history class all I am thinking about is how maybe this time I’ll finally get pregnant. Ivan and I want this so badly that it has to happen. I know that I am young, I know, but I also know that Ivan and I can handle this and that we’ll be okay together! We’ll be able to raise this baby no matter how hard we have to try, we’ll be able to raise this baby and give it everything that it needs.
----
It's two and half months since the incident that occurred at school.

I asked Ivan to get a pregnancy test and he’s coming over with it.

Yes I am late on my period; it’s almost three weeks late. I have been late by a day or two sometimes, but by three weeks that’s never happened before. So I hope this is a sign that this time, I am pregnant.

I'm sick of not being pregnant, I hate every time I get my period; it’s the worst feeling in the world.

I want this more than anything in the world. We keep on trying and we need this child; it's going to change our relationship, for the better. We both know that a child can only make us stronger.
The door bell rings and I know that it is Ivan with the pregnancy test. My stomach is instantly in knots, this test is the moment of truth. Though I am really nervous, I am also really excited. I can feel my heart wanting to jump out of my chest in excitement.

"Hey babe." He said

"Hey," I said and kiss him.

"Here it is," He says and hands it to me.

I take it from his hands quickly and rush to the bathroom.
This test was going to be the moment of truth; this moment was scary and potentially wonderful all at the same time.

Waiting for the test to beep is pure agony. All I could do is pace back and forth, back and forth. The five minutes felt like five days.

Finally, it beeps!

I looked down and tears flood my eyes; it’s positive. I can't believe this, it’s going to happen!
After all this time that we’ve been trying it finally worked! This is the best news ever! I can’t to tell Ivan.

I run into my room and show him the pregnancy test.

At first Ivan seemed like it didn’t faze him that was until he looked at it again.

The smile that creeps onto Ivan’s face.

"Finally," He said

"I know, I'm so happy" I said

"Me too babe," He said

He picks me up and spins me around the room.

“It’s real this time, it’s really real,” I said

“Damn right it is, I knew it would happen,” he said

He puts down on the bed and gets on top of me. He kisses me lightly and we celebrate this wonderful news that has come into our lives.

Three Months

The baby's there, I just can't feel it or see it all that much. I wish I was able to feel it a little more than I do, but I can tell that it’s there. I can feel it moving around a little and that always brings a smile to my face.

Ivan has been great so far. With every chance he gets, he kisses or rubs my tummy. He tells me that he loves me so much all the time. I have to say that I find the first three months have not been bad.

I have to say that it feels like it was just yesterday that Ivan and I were trying and now we’re three months along. I’ve stopped going to school for a week now, I realized that I was starting to show a little too much. I really didn’t need rumours to start coming about. Ivan and I already had it bad enough; we didn’t need it to be worse.

I was able to stay home easily too this past week because my parents think I am terribly sick and that isn’t even a lie. The huge and only downside, so far, of being pregnant, is the damn morning sickness. Though that has worked in my favour because my parents haven’t yet been able to tell, I must say that is a little shock to me.

I will say that I am happy that they haven’t noticed anything just yet; I am waiting as long as I can before I tell them. Ivan really doesn’t agree with what I’m doing, he says the longer I wait, the madder they'll be. He does make a really good point, but he needs to see my point too; it’s not an easy task on my part. Ivan says that at the end of the day they’re going to find out and that it’s better that I tell them sooner than later.

He is constantly telling me that his parents are proud that he's going to be a father. His mother even called my yesterday and she said that she’s glad I was the woman who was carrying Ivan’s baby. She said that if it was anyone else she wouldn’t be too please, but because it was me she said that I was a good girl and that I would make a really good mom. It made me smile. She even offered to talk to my parents if I wanted her to, but I decided against that. I felt as though telling them about this pregnancy was my own responsibility.

I wish my parents would be that understanding, but I know for a fact that they aren't though. It makes me really sad. They believe that sex and babies only come after a couple has been married, so I know this will end badly with them. So all in all these three month have just breezed by, I hope the rest of the pregnancy is this easy.

Four and a half months

Now; now I can say I feel fully pregnant. I can feel that my belly is really growing; it’s even starting to show a little bit. Not as much as I expected though.

I can say that it’s okay that I am not showing too much yet because I am lucky that my parents haven’t yet asked me about anything. They really are oblivious to the fact that my stomach is growing and so is every other part of me.

Perhaps you’re wondering how I sneak away from school without them finding out, I get Ivan’s mom to call in for me and the school believes it. Sometimes I’ll arrive early before school and hand in assignments or make weekend appointments to write tests. I was still maintaining a decent average in school so that’s important.

A smile appears right across my face, the baby is really kicking now. I love when the baby kicks; it makes me feel so happy. It makes this whole pregnancy that much more real.

Did I mention it’s going to be a baby boy?

Ivan is even more excited now, because he'll have his little sports star. He'll be a 'mini' Ivan and that will be just so adorable. I can just picture a mini version of Ivan, with some of me in the mix, running around the house and being the all star player when he’s in high school. Ivan and I are going to be such proud parents.

This little boy really likes to show his emotions, sometimes he's moving a mile a minute and I start to giggle. I love when our boy does that. It makes me feel so happy and accomplished.

Ivan comes and rubs my belly and he suddenly calms down. Ivan says it's because he knows his son better than anyone else, even though he's not born yet. Isn't Ivan amazing?

“Roxy, I think you should eat some more,” Ivan said

“Why do I need to eat?” I inquired

“Because it seems like you aren’t gaining enough weight,” he said

“Oh, well not everyone gains a lot of weight when they’re pregnant,” I said

“I am well aware of that, but I think that you should be eating a little more. Are you scared to get fat? Is that what it is?” he asked

I can tell by his tone that this conversation won’t end well, but I was just going to take it.

“I’m not scared of getting fat; I’m just not that hungry right now,”

“I don’t care, I said you need to eat something,” he said

I was able to hear that slight hint of authoritative tone of voice come out of him. I knew exactly what that meant, it meant Roxy shut up, but this time I just couldn’t. I really wasn’t hungry I think he’d understand.

“I’m just not hungry okay, I ate like forty minutes ago,” I said.

“Forty minutes ago really? I thought the doctor said to at least eat a snack every thirty minutes.”

“He didn’t say that, he said that if I’m hungry that a snack every twenty to thirty minutes is perfectly normal. He also said to not over eat if I didn’t have a food craving.” I said.

I could feel my stomach begin to knot, this wasn’t good. I knew that if I got too stressed out then I know it’s going to affect the baby.

“Listen to me, you need to eat and this baby can’t starve, you eat all hours of the day if you need to,” he said.

“Ivan please,”

He gripped my arm tightly and pushed his fingers in deep.

“Ouch,” I said silently.

“Shh,”

“But, he cut me off

“Listen, go into your fridge and go eat,” he hissed

Of course, I don’t understand why I even bothered trying to speak about anything when Ivan starts to talk. I know that in the end no matter what I say, he’s right. Ivan’s always right; he always makes sure I remember that, I do know that, I just need to remind myself of that more often.

“Okay,” I said

“Eat something that will actually fill you up, at least eat the potato salad,” he said

“Okay,” I said

I know that if I say anything else I get more of an arm pinch.

As I was eating, Ivan came over and kissed my cheek.

I love when Ivan shows me random acts of affection; I can’t help but love him even more than I already do.

“Look, about before I really didn’t mean to do that to you okay, I just want to make sure you’re healthy.” He said

“Oh baby, I know. I hate that I always question what you say because I know you have the best intentions in mind for us,” I said sincerely

“I do, I’d never want to hurt you or harm you at all, I love you.” He said

“I love you too Ivan and I always will love you.” I said

“Ditto,” he said

He kissed my lips ever so gently. His lips are soft and I love kissing him because his kisses make me feel so happy and so good.

“Ivan, my parents are going to be home soon,” I said

“So?” he asked

“You know exactly what that means, you need to go,” I said.

You see, my parents don’t like Ivan very much. They keep telling me that he’s bad news, but I disagree with them entirely. They think that he’s just a bed influence on my life; little do they know that I am madly in love with this man.

“I’ll leave under on condition,” he says

“Yes, what would that be?” I ask with a hint of worry

“You promise me you’re telling them tonight.”
“But,”

“No buts Rox, you have to tell them it’s more than four months now.”

“And if I don’t?” I asked.

“Just promise,” he said.

“Fine, I promise,” I said.

“Good, call me right away.” He said

“I will,” I said.

He kissed me and walked out the door.

...

I was sitting on the couch when I heard the lock click in the door.

"Hey Roxy," My mom said as she walked in

“Hey mom,” I said.

“How are you?” She asked,

“I’m fine, uhm where’s dad?” I asked
If I wanted to tell them it would have to be at the same time. There was no way I was going through it twice.

"He'll be in, in a second. Why do you ask dear?"

"I have to tell you guys something." I said very nervously.

"Oh I see,” she said.

I could detect the slight panic in her voice.

“Honey did you gain weight?" she asked out of the blue

Oh no fuck, she's catching on! This might not go well though. As my dad walks in the house, I begin to freak out a little.

"So what did you want to tell us?" My mother asked.

"Well, I hope you're not mad, but I'm..." I trailed off

"Honey, did you gain weight?" My dad asked

Fuck, he noticed too.

"Yes I did." I responded.

There was no point in lying to him.

"Why dear? You're always so careful." My mom said

"Yea being careful is no longer a real option." I said

I wondered if they would catch onto that or not.

"Why is that?" My dad asked with his voice being raised.

"Because,”

I wasn’t sure how to get on with the answer.

“Because,” my mother said.

“You wanted to tell us that you’re gaining weight just because?” My father asked.

I was able to tell that they were getting really angry with me.

Might as well just come out and say it.

“I uh. I'm Pre-Preg-Pregnant."

I finally let it out.

"You're what?!" They both yelled.

"Pregnant." I said back in fear.

"And do you know who the father is young lady?" My dad asked

"Y-yes." I choked out.

"Who is he?!" My mother yelled

"I-Ivan!" I said

I felt myself wanting to puke right then and there. This was going to be a terrible night.

"You mean that lovely boy you've been seeing for two years?" My mom asks.

"Yes him, the only boy I've ever been with." I said.

"Well I hope he doesn't stand for this, it'll teach you a lesson."

"You see mom, dad, Ivan and I planned having a child since last year. We both want it, so no lesson being learned." I said

"Oh really? Well we'll teach you a lesson." My dad said

Now I was scared shitless to be honest. I didn't want to know what kind of lesson my dad will be teaching me.

Though there was something inside me that made me not want to let them win so easily. I wanted to answer back, wanted to make them even more upset. There was something about the looks on their faces that made me want to fight back a little.

"What's the lesson?" I asked with a devious grin.

“Wipe that smirk off your face right now,” my father said sternly.

“Ha, nope,” I said

They both looked at each other in shock.

“Young lady, we don’t appreciate this,” my mother said.

“And what do you expect me to do about it?” I asked.

“Stop answering back,” my mother said.

“No, all I ever do is shut and listen to whatever you say, Ivan is right about you,”

Fuck, I can’t believe I just let that slip to them, I’m doomed.

“Excuse me?” My father asked.

“Nothing,” I said.

“It’s something, you said it, and what is he right about?” My father asked.

“About how you treat me,” I said.

“We treat you perfectly fine young lady,” my father said.

“No you don’t, you treat me like I’m some baby,” I said angrily

“You’re fourteen!” my mother yelled.

“So what?!” I yelled back.

I felt my heart drop; did she really ask me to choose between home or my baby? This couldn’t be happening for real.

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean?" I asked

I clearly knew what it meant. I just didn’t want this to be real.

"Excuse since when do you use that language?" my father asked

"Does it even matter at this point?” I asked.

"Well what your mother and I mean is, you have to decide if you want to live here you have to get rid of the baby. If you choose to have the baby, you get out of this house." My dad said.

"What?!" I yelled

"We thought we raised you right, I can't believe this whatsoever and it's not acceptable. This is not the reflection we want on our family." My mother said.

“That’s what you’re basing it on?” I said.

“What else are we going to base it on?” my father asked.

“My well being, me having a place to call home, even if I am expecting a baby, I just wanted you guys to be happy,” I said.

“How would we be happy about this?” my father asked.

“Because it’s a new life entering this world, you’d be grandparents. Didn’t you always want that?” I asked.

“Of course we did, but not now,” my mother said.

“Well,” I said.

“It’s your choice, but just know we’re serious about this.”

“How long do I have?” I asked.

“Until Sunday,” my father said.

I began to cry and ran up the stairs. The second I got in my room I picked up my phone and called Ivan.

“What?” He asked.

“They told me I have to make a choice,” I said.

“How dare they do that to you?” He asked.

“I don’t know Ivan, but that’s what they said,”

"Listen to me baby, I'll come pick you up tonight." He said

The offer sounded really tempting, but I wasn’t sure if I should accept. My mother did say that I had a week to make my final decision. I knew I was picking the baby, but maybe I could convince them to let me stay. My parents were hard headed, but maybe I could make this work if I tried hard enough.

"No they gave me until the end of the week." I said.

"So what?” He asked.

I paused, he was right once again.

“That doesn't matter; there is no way you're getting rid of our child. We both want it, and if they don't accept it then you have to leave." He said.

“You’re right,” I agreed

“So then I’m coming to get you right now.” He said

"I want to at least tell them I'm leaving." I said

"What for?" He asked

"Ivan they're my parents." I said

"I know, but look how they just treated you. No one treats my girl like that." He said.

You know what? Ivan was super right in this case. My parents treated me like shit, so they deserve to have no good bye from me.

"Awe baby." I said

"Exactly, so you better not say a word, because if you do I will find out." He said

"It's just they'll worry, they'll wonder if I'm dead." I said

"They're better off with you being dead to them. As far as I'm concerned they don't love you anymore. They yelled at you for bringing life into this world. That isn't fair. Think about it Roxy, we're having this child together no matter what. So tonight I'm coming to pick you up understand?" He said

"Yes honey I understand." I said

"Perfect." He said

"Love you." I said

"Love you too." He said and he hung up.

I began to cry once I hung up the phone.

Could Ivan be right? Could I already be dead to my parents? They don't love me anymore? My parents are fools, and don't know what it means to be with a guy like Ivan. Most guys would leave me, but no not Ivan. He and I want this child together and we're going to have it. No matter what anyone says, Ivan and I are having a baby. I really needed to pack up, Ivan might be here soon.
That's another thing he's right about: how can they expect me to make a choice? All I want is a baby with Ivan so why would I give that up?

Seven Months-

Well my baby is due in two months and I couldn't be happier. Ivan is thrilled too. He says that this baby is the best thing that's ever happened to us and that he and I; well it's forever.

I so believe every word he tells me. Ivan always right, even he says so. So I never go against him because there wouldn't be a point.

I had an ultrasound the other day; and the doctor confirmed that everything is fine. That made me so happy. It's great to know that I have a healthy boy growing inside me, and I don't have to worry. The doctor said that I am so developed that I shouldn't even have troubles with delivering the baby.

Ivan smiled so greatly at that. There's not even a two percent chance that I will die or have complications. Do you see this like I do? Ivan and I are just meant to have a child.

Ivan and I are living together, in our own home. Yes Ivan and I have a home.

It's Ivan's parents' cottage; it's about three hours away from the city we live in. Originally we were living with his parents. Then Ivan got the idea that we should live together like an actual married couple. Also we can't afford a house, so his parents said we could take the cottage.

About the married thing, Ivan and I are married. Technically speaking that is, but he did go down on one knee and gave me the ring and everything. So I'm now a married girl at fifteen years old. Yes I turned fifteen, my birthday was last month, that day also marks our three year anniversary.
Even though the baby is such a beautiful thing, but there is the downside to it all. The pain the baby causes sometimes is killing me. He gives me harder kicks and fuck do they hurt. I can feel my skin ripping sometimes and then I just want to burst out into many, many tears. When the pain gets this bad, there are times where I think why am I even keeping this child? I feel as though it's a mistake. Ivan says I'm crazy for thinking stuff like that. He says it's not good for the child, when his mother has thoughts like I do.

He even hit me once; it’s okay though it didn't hurt and I wasn't mad at him. I did deserve it; I had bad thoughts about killing our baby before it was even born. He said that after all the trying we did; I'd be a fucking moron to get rid of it. And once again my Ivan is so right. He also said it's just my hormones getting the best of me. I love our baby boy very much, even though he's not yet been born.

Waiting these two months though, is killing us both. Ivan keeps on saying that he doesn't know how to make the time pass faster. He can't wait any longer, just like me. Besides the pain, I am really happy with Ivan and this whole pregnancy.

Although sometimes I miss having my parents around to talk to, most girls have at least their mothers there to help them through the pregnancy, and have just someone to talk to. I don't have that, and it makes me a little sad, only sometimes though. The only person I have to turn to is Ivan. Hell I don't even have friends anymore. They choose not to speak to me apparently I'm a bad influence to them. Ivan says they're not worth it, and that they wasted my time anyway. He says I'm better than them so it's okay.

I love Ivan with all my heart and it's okay that he's the only one I've got. It's just sometimes I want that girl to just sit and talk to. I guess in the end though, all that matters is the baby and my life with Ivan.

"Honey do you need or want anything?" Ivan asked

"Are you going shopping?" I asked

"Yep." He answered

"Oh can I come with you?" I asked

"No babe." He said

"Why not?!"

"Because I will not have my seventh month pregnant wife, drive out with me for a long time just to pick up food." He said

"But..." I protest

"Well, listen to me babe; I think it's a bad idea. So if you want to risk something happening to our baby, then come with me." He said

My heart sank, ever since we moved here, I’ve barely left the country side. I spend ninety five percent of my time in this home. Ivan is really protective of this baby, he really doesn’t want it to get hurt. I don’t either.

"Fine, I'll stay home." I said.

"Good. So what would you like?" He asked

"Um beets, pickles, olives and pita breads with hummus." I said

"Yum." He said

"Yep." I agree.

Yes during this pregnancy; those are the things I crave the very, very most. Ivan always gets me everything I crave, as long as I don't go shopping. He says he's just protecting me and the baby.

Ivan's back home with all the stuff and he puts it away.

"Roxy, I love you." He says with a kiss.

"I love you too baby." I said

Nine Months-

The baby is due so, so soon, and Ivan and I are like two little kids. We're jumping and we're excited it's insane how happy we are. I mean the baby might come out today or maybe a week from now. So we're on edge, and we have our bags packed and ready in case we have to go.

"Babe, where's the tooth-"

"Ivan the baby! Grab the bags we have to go!" I yelled

Ivan came speeding down with the bags and we rushed into the car. Ivan started driving like a maniac and luckily he doesn't get stopped by the cops, he could have killed us.

We're finally arrived at the hospital and lucky for me they were able to get me a room really quickly. I also dilated really quickly.

"All right Roxy, begin." The doctor said

I began to push and I felt something grab my hand.

It's Ivan's hand and he has a smile on his face. I couldn’t believe it's really happening. I was pushing as hard as I could and it was killing me. I'd ask for the needle but Ivan says that it's no good for my body.

" Roxy, push!" The doctor yelled after a half hour of pushing.

"She is pushing." Ivan hissed

I kept pushing for about another forty minutes and I felt like I will die right here. It was terribly painful and finally the baby's head was out.

Now the rest of this will be easy, I was right. With five more pushes the baby is out.

The doctor placed the baby on my chest and I was so happy. We just created the most beautiful boy in the world. He had my eyes and Ivan's nose and mouth. He had light blond hair on his head. He's moving around and gurgling, it was so beautiful.

"So what's his name?" I asked Ivan.

"I want to name him, Roland." He said

"That's such a nice name." I said

"Good, I had it picked out from before." He said

"How come you never told me?" I asked

"I wanted it to be a surprise." He said

"Oh," I say with a smile.

He kissed me and took Roland in his arms.

It's now been a month since Roland was born and things aren't easy at all. It's me not sleeping more then maybe three hours a night. Roland is still tiny, he doesn't sleep full nights yet, but I can't blame him. I'm always the one changing diapers expect on Saturdays, Ivan does the Saturday. I'm the one who has to get up and check on why he's crying. Ivan well he sleeps through it all. I have to admit though; it is a little annoying I wish he'd help out a little more.

"Ivan can I talk to you for a second?" I asked

"Sure babe." He said

"It's about Roland." I said

"What about him?!" He semi-yelled

"I wish you would help out a little more, I mean I'm the one who does everything." I said

"Really so you're the one who goes to school and works two part time jobs to make money? Are you the one who does that?!" He yelled

I hated this, he always threw that back in my face that I couldn’t work. Well, I was raising our damn child.

"N-no, but I take care of Roland and sometimes I'd like a little help," I said

I was able to feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"We established this already, on Saturday I do the diaper changes, and I look after him. It's my only day off." He said

"What about the rest of the week?" I asked

"I got to school five days of the week and then I go work and I bring home the money and the food and the supplies. Isn't the enough?" He asked

Yes, Ivan was still getting an education; he said that he was doing so because he wanted to be able to support us properly.

"You do a lot Ivan, but sometimes I'd like to be with Roland as a family. Sit down watch movies, cuddle. Don't you want that?" I asked

"My main concern is that I can pay for everything to make us live. A child isn't cheap, and if this continues I might just have to pack up and leave." He said

The tears came down like a fountain. It isn’t the first time he’s threatened to leave me.

"No please don't leave. I love you and so does Roland. Don't leave." I said

"Then we stick to the plan we have going right now, got it?" He said

"Yes baby, I got it." I said.

I know Ivan he's just looking out for us.

If it wasn't for him, we'd be out on the streets. I'm not in school anymore, I don't have a job, and I can't drive yet. Ivan is the one who makes all the money. He's right, he does do a lot and love is all about making sacrifices. Ivan says that it’s the girls who make the sacrifices.

Roland begins to cry and like always, I'm the one who goes to check on him.

I look down at Roland and see a mini Ivan before my eyes. Truly seeing Roland brings a smile to my face and he takes all the previous anger I had away.

When I stop to think, honestly I couldn't be happier; Ivan is such a great friend and lover to me. When I see Roland smile, I see a light in eyes. It makes me realize that waking up and not sleeping nights, is all for good reason.

In the end, it will always be just me, Roland and Ivan.