I Need A Getaway

After my fit, my mom was up in my room, asking me and Jack what we wanted for dinner. I told her I wasn’t hungry, and Jack said he wasn’t going to eat if I didn’t. It made me feel sick to even think about food and I felt that Jack not eating because of me was unnecessary. Of course, when I said something about it, he just shrugged it off with a smile and continued to rub my back as we sat on my bed. My elbows were on my knees and my face was in my hands.

I felt like shit.

I spent the majority of the night, sitting up on the roof, sniffling and doing my best to keep from crying anymore. I told Jack I needed time alone, and he didn’t have a problem giving me the space I needed.

After thirty minutes of silence to myself, I heard shuffling in my room. I tensed up, thinking that it was my granddad, but when I saw a figure climbing up onto the roof, I felt safe because I recognized the figure to me Jack.

“It’s pretty nice out here.” He said, looking around.

“Yeah, I guess.” I said and he climbed up and sat next to me.

I listened to our almost silent breathing as we sat there and looked over my backyard. Jack had his arm around me shoulders and he held me close to him to try and keep me comforted, but I could tell he was a little nervous about the fact that we were up on a roof in the middle of the night.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked and turned to him and smiled. It wasn’t a real smile, but it wasn’t fake.

“You didn’t need to see any of that…” I said, my eyes falling to my knees and I sighed. “That’s why I would prefer that we’d stay at your house next time.”

He opened his mouth to talk, but no words came out, so he closed his mouth. He repeated that action a few times before giving up with a sigh.

“I’m sorry you had to be here when I flipped out. You just don’t-“

“It’s fine.” He smiled and then looked out over the lawn. “I’ve seen you out here a few times since I’ve moved in.”

My breath caught in my throat.

“Y-you have?”

“Yeah. And sometimes I wonder why you’re up here, so I watch you for a few minutes to see if you’re going to do anything. But you never do. You just sit there.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He chuckled and patted my shoulder.

“There’s a lot of things I’ve learned about you in the past couple days I’ve lived here.”

“Like how fucked up my life is?” I asked, casting my eyes up to look at his face as he smiled brightly.

“I’m so glad your mom let me stay tonight. Because I would be home, worrying myself sick if she hadn’t.” He said and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Why? We’ve only known each other for a couple days…it’s not that big of a deal.”

“I feel like those couple days I’ve known you, though, have been the most…I don’t know the word.” He said.

It was silent for a while, and before I knew it, I was starting to feel a little tired. I found it complicated to keep my eyes open and I began to lean against Jack for support to stay up.

“You okay, bro?” He laughed.

“I’m just really tired, is all. There’s so much going on right now, it’s hard to think straight.” I said, pausing between every few words.

“So I’m guessing we should go back inside?” He suggested and a hummed a ‘yeah’ and we lazily climbed down from the roof and back into my room.

He helped me into my bed before stealing a pillow off of my bed and curling up on the floor next to my bed. I sat up and looked at him with a grin.

“What are you doing?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t want to get you in trouble, so I’m sleeping on the floor.” He smiled and patted the pillow.

“Get your damn ass up here.” I said.

He shook his head and smiled, lying his head down on the pillow.

“You’re really going to sleep on the floor?” I asked and he nodded. I scoffed, throwing my sheets back and getting up out of bed.

I grabbed a pillow, threw it at Jack’s face, and then walked over and laid down next to him.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m sleeping on the floor with you because you’re refusing to sleep in an actual bed.” I stated.

“I already told you. I don’t want to get you in trouble.” He smirked.

“You’re too sweet.” I smiled and poked his nose.

It was silent for only a few seconds, it seemed, and I was out like a light.

-

I woke up in the middle of the night, a pounding headache eating at me, and I was strangely comfortable. I sat up and realized that I was in my bed, all my blankets smoothed over me neatly, and I frowned. I looked around my room and found Jack sound asleep on the floor.

I sighed. He must have gotten up and put me in bed. How sweet.

I pushed the covers back and climbed out of bed, tip-toeing across my floor, until I made it to the bathroom. I pushed the door open and it squealed loudly. I looked over to see Jack, who was still asleep.

Thank god.

I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door fast; this time it didn’t squeak. I flipped on the light and saw my reflection in the mirror.

I looked extremely sleep deprived and my hair was glued to my face with sweat. I sighed and gripped at the sink, staring at myself until I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned on the faucet and cupped my hands underneath, bringing them up to splash water on my face.

I looked around in the cabinet for some Advil, or something to cure my headache. I slipped my hand around a few pill bottles, moving them out of the way, and I accidently knocked one out of the cabinet and onto the floor. I leaned over to pick it up and read the name on the label.

Gaskarth, Daniel.

I bit my lip and tossed it in the trash. He obviously didn’t need that anymore. I stared blankly into the cabinet for a few seconds before my eyes began to sting with tears. Why were there even bottles in there with his name on them to begin with? Not like anyone could use them.

I fought back a few tears and began my search for something for my headache again, but found another bottle with Daniel’s name on it. I tossed that one in the trash, too, and wondered how many more were in here? And why the fuck did he have so many bottles of pills?

I reached my hand in and aggressively shoveled all the bottles of assorted medicine and unneeded pills onto the floor and sat down. My teeth sunk farther down into my lip as I picked another orange bottle up and read the label.

Gaskarth, Daniel.

I grabbed the trashcan and set it next to me on the rug on the bathroom floor and I tossed it in, tears slipping down my face.

They were all constant reminders and I hated it.

I picked up a few more, seeing that they all read my brother’s name on them, and began to toss them other places other than the trashcan.

I threw them at the walls. I threw them at the door. I was already reduced to a fucked up, crying mess in the bathroom by the time the door opened, revealing Jack.

Fuck, I must have woken him up.

“I’m sorry!” I choked out, looking at him through my blurred eyes.

“No, no, no.” He whispered, coming in the bathroom and kneeling down next to me on the rug and taking me in a hug.

“I…I d-didn’t mean to w-wake you.” I mumbled, my lip quivering and more tears rolled down my cheeks.

“No, it’s okay.” He said in a soothing voice, picking up a plastic orange bottle, but I swatted it away from him.

“I just want them all to go away!” I whimpered and he hugged me tighter. “I want them to fucking stop.”

“Shh, it’s okay.” He said, kissing the top of my hair and hugging me tight. He rubbed soothing circles in my back as I leaned into him and cried.

“It’s n-not.” I muttered into his shoulder. “I’m f-fucking pathetic.”

“No, you’re not.” He said.

“I am. I-I’m a w-wimp. I d-don’t want you t-to see me c-cry like this.” My whole body shook as I tried to speak.

He just continued to rub my back and tell me everything was going to be okay.