Kiss and Tell

“Do I...” Pat trailed off, clearing his throat before looking away, “Um, sure.”

I was just as nervous as he was, hell, I might be more. This is our first real conversation, our first real anything. I knew I’d hurt him, I felt horrible about it, but it was just too much at once. He shifted, organizing empties again, not looking up.

“How’ve you been?” I asked my voice so quiet I wondered if he’d heard me.

He shrugged, grabbing a box and began to load beer bottles into it. I was aware that I hadn’t moved to help him, but I didn’t know if I’d be stepping over the line. He’d accepted my request, but the only things left to be clean were the bottles, and that would mean working with him, and standing directly next to him.

He lifted the now full box to the counter and dropped it, letting out a breath, “I mean, hockey’s good, the money’s good.”

I frowned, looking at his pretty pale skin, “That’s all great, but how are you Patrick?”

He opened his mouth to say something, and I saw a hint of courage in his eyes, before he closed it. His blue eyes didn’t waver from mine, they just stared into them. I felt like running to him, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders and holding him as close as possible. I missed him.

He shook his head and chewed his cheek, “God, Leah.”

I took a step forward, prepared for him to dash out of the way, but he didn’t, he just watched. I slowly took another painful step, and I held his gaze. I knew I was hurting him, but it was killing me too. When I realized he wasn’t going to move, I rushed forward, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my head into the crook of it.

He tensed, but then let out a long breath, his hands finding their way to my back. He began to rub circles with his fingers and I started to cry. He did it to me while we were ‘dating’, and it was such a loving gesture that it pained me to feel him do it again, after all I’d done to him.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

He stiffened and nodded, “It’s OK.”

“No it’s not,” I told him, too afraid to loosen my grip.

“It hurt,” he said suddenly, voice cracking, sounding like a boy instead of a man.

It broke my heart hearing the cocky, macho man sound so vulnerable. The guy who was once the most confident man in the world. He shouldn’t be so down because of me, I shouldn’t have the right to hurt him. He wound his arms completely around me and pulled me as close as possible, which did not help the guilt I felt.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, “I was scared.”

He nodded, “So was I.”

I let out a breath, “That’s the difference between you and me, Pat. You’re brave, I’m not.”

He let go of me and held me by the shoulders, he was going to say something, and I felt like it was going to be something very important, but then a voice boomed from out of nowhere, and Jonathan came crashing into the kitchen. I jumped away from Pat.

Jon’s jaw dropped when he saw us, then he narrowed his eyes at me, with a raised eyebrow. I was not going to answer questions here, not in front of Pat.

“Yes, Jon?” I sneered, crossing my arms across my chest.

Jonathan glanced back into the living room, “She’s coming back with us, let’s go.”

Okay, EW, but good for him. I nodded and he shot a concerned glance at Pat before disappearing into the living room again. I sighed, wiping my wet eyes, looking up at the blonde boy once again. I was mad that that moment was ruined, but I knew it was probably for the better.

“You should go,” He said quietly, nodding in Tazer’s direction.

I cleared my throat, “Yea.”

He locked eyes with me for a few more seconds, before returning to his empties. I sucked in my bottom lip and followed Jon’s route. I walked into the living room to see the girl back up against the wall, locking lips with Jon. I walked past them, shaking the keys in my hand so they got the hint.

Jonny was getting laid tonight!