Dilapidate

I blacked out for two hours in Chrysler and when I woke up my head pounded like a beaten up body. I drifted into class on the third bell and took my seat. Although my mind wasn’t there I tried to look okay.

When lunch arrived I sat at the far end and eat alone.

“You look horrible.”
I sighed.

Monica drew closer with her followers. They came along after she dropped me as a friend.

“Thanks” I reply back picking up my lunch bag and heading out.

The bathroom was another second base. When I’m usually done eating I would either go to the bathroom and chill in a stall or walk around like a loner. Today I needed to chill and sit.

I past the main hall and decided to go to the bottom level of the school. There use to be an old gym but it was converted into another basement. I found out at the right time the janitor left the door unlocked a couple of times during the day.

There is a small bathroom there that I take. This time as I open the door a fog swooshes past me.

“Oh,”

At the corner of a sink and wall a boy leans his hand on a wall leaving a girl pinned in-between. Both lips lock making out. I don’t think the girl notice my sudden appearance but the guy does. He moves closer to her and opens his eyes to look at me.

It’s as if he’s in it for the pleasure and game while the girl—who I think is in grade ten¬—is in it for the passion.

He cups her chest and runs his mouth on her neck. I shiver.

How long have I been standing there looking? Am I crazy?

I move back but by a little. He turns his mouth back to her lips and never leaves his gaze¬—those fare dark eyes—from mine. And that’s when I notice it’s the boy I meet the other day in the parking lot, the guy who looked at me in the halls when I confronted Monica, it’s his eyes who seems to search mine and that’s when I feel violated and embarrassed. I felt ashamed and burned by how he looked at me. His expression so clear and known so different from mine and it’s that what scares me.

I back into the garbage and cause it to fall. The girl jumps and looks at me, she hasn’t even notice I was there shared in the same room with her all along.

“What the fuck!” she screams.

“Sorry.” I say, I still can’t leave.

“I just wanted to use the bathroom so,” she looks at me confused and then to the guy.

“I come down here a lot.” I tell her like if she has asked me to explain myself.

“Oh.” She says settling down. Then she turns and faces him again as if I have never came in, “I had fun with you, I want to do it again.”

He leans on the wall behind him and smirks.

“Maybe,” he says, “for fun not more Lucie.”
She smiles. “Exactly, you know the deal.”

She gathers her stuff—A bag at the corner— and walks to the door, I have to stand aside.

“I don’t own this bathroom and nor do you so, I won’t tell any teachers you come down here and you’ll keep you mouth shut.” She smiles and opens the door to go. “I’d appreciated and I know you will too Dakota .”

I hate her already. She says my name like it gives her a bad taste.

“Whatever, I think we both know one day we’ll get into trouble and I know you get what I mean.” I smile back at her just like how she did.
She pouts her lips and leaves and I think of karma.

I walk over to the stall forgetting there’s a guy standing in my way. He doesn’t move but keeps his smirk. He reaches over and grabs my arm pulling me inches away from his mouth…inches.

“Not enough pain?” He drops my arm. I think I saw sadness in his eyes. He runs a hand in his dark black hair and takes out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“What?” I don’t understand him, his voice under mine made my throat dry and I hated it.

He takes my hands—his are soft, long and full— and opens them.
“Then this is much better.” He places the cigarettes and walks away, opens the door and leaves me alone.

I just stood there waiting for him to come back and say he was joking, but the more I waited the more time flew by and the more I realized he wasn’t coming back. This guy was a joke and I promised the next time I saw him I’d give him a piece of my mind. I’d tell him off in front of all the students and kick him in the shins.

I planned it all in my head all of it, but what I really wanted to know was why he had gave me the cigarettes, and what did he mean by not enough pain.

The next time I’d see him, I think, I believe I’d try and ask him why… why did he look like he had something else to say and why did it look like her cared.