For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.

Ally POV

“You should really have a TV; I think I am going to buy you a TV.” Alex is a little drunk as we lay on the floor his head rested on my stomach, I am playing with his hair as I stare at the patterns on the ceiling. “Yeah and what is actually on your ceiling?” Alex points to my ceiling but his arms are slightly swaying.

“Well one day Tommy and I decided to paint it, so it’s just random things. Like over there is the Weezer W and over there is the Blink bunny.” Did I mention that I am also very drunk and the four bottles of wine on the kitchen bench is evidence of that. “Oh and don’t you dare buy me a TV, if I owned a TV we would be watching some shitty show instead of talking to each other.” Alex intertwines his fingers with my hand that is not running through his hair.

“Ally, tell me a secret.” Alex’s voice is soft and sweet.

“Ok, um honestly I have thought about quitting. Like quitting music and getting a job in a supermarket or a factory.” I hoped to god that Alex would appreciate my honesty if it registered that is.

“What, why?” Alex actually sounded devastated.

“I just woke up one morning and I looked around and I had everything but I wasn’t happy, I was bitter and none of it meant a thing.” I still just stared at the ceiling but now Alex had rolled off my stomach and laid next to me staring at me. “Did you know the first time we played there was 20 people in the room and they all laughed at me, I just shrugged it off but it hurt and I know people are still laughing at us, that’s why I have such a hard exterior at least that what they tell me.”

“Ally I don’t think you’re that hard, I think you are beautiful and nice and sweet and beautiful.” Alex leant over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Aww you are so sweet Alex, I think if I continue to do this, to perform and stand in front of the crowd it could be dangerous for me and everyone around. Don’t you see it wasn’t just what Cassadee did that got me so angry, it’s a combination of everything. One therapist actually called me delirious for living this life and feeling the way I do inside maybe I see the world differently to others.” Alex nuzzled further into my neck and kissed my collarbone.

“Maybe people just don’t like my arrogance. Maybe they would be better off without me, maybe that’s why I cause scenes, I don’t even matter they will fall asleep without me and I would be lucky if my memory remains. I’m just a walking travesty but I smile at everything.” I let out a sigh and closed my eyes.

Alex jumped up and ran into my bedroom to do what I thought was puke. “Alex are you ok in there?”

“Yeah Al, I am fine just give me a minute.” Alex is gone for about seven more minutes, stumbles out of my room and resumes his place on my stomach. Man, this kid can be weird.
“Is that a good enough secret for you? Now can you tell me a secret?” I now slid my hand down the front of his shirt and made tiny circles on his chest with my finger.

“Yes that was more than good it was amazing. Ok so a secret about me. When I was sixteen and the band was just taking off I was afraid to play in front of my parents in case they disapproved or something like that.” Alex played with the hem of his t-shirt. “I know it’s nothing like yours but I have never told anyone that not even Jack.”

“Aww Alex, that secret isn’t stupid deep down we all want our parents to approve of our life choices, even me.” I said letting out a sigh and continuing to rub circles into his chest.
“What do you mean even you?” Alex looked up at me with his big brown eyes.

“Well my parents have never seen me perform; hell I don’t even know if they know what I sound like. I haven’t talked to them in like a year and I haven’t seen them since I was 14 and they told me to leave their house.” Alex’s mouth had dropped open and he still stared into my eyes. “Calm down Lex I didn’t get pregnant or anything like that, I just went and got a tattoo and they freaked because God wouldn’t want me to be to like this, anyway enough about old boring sad stuff let’s talk about something happy like tour or music.” Alex got up and kissed me on the lips before lying back on my stomach.

“Ok Al, something happy, how about I just let someone else do the talking for us?” I just nodded as Alex got up and walked over to my record collection and my stereo.
Alex put on the Motion City Soundtrack album My Dinosaur Life. We listened to it from start to finish just in each other arms, not saying anything. For the first time in a while I fell asleep perfectly happy, I could get used to this.

***

Oh god why do I have a hangover? Oh that’s right the four bottle of wine on the counter would be the reason for that. God I didn’t even make it to the bed and where the hell is Alex? I open my eyes to the darkness of my apartment, god it was a good idea to have dark walls and to never open my curtains I don’t think my eyes could take the sunlight.

I lift myself off the floor and make my way over to the kitchen counter when a packet of Advil was already waiting for me. Next to the Advil is a note with Alex’s hand writing I hope this explains where he is.

Hey Al, I have gone to the studio, you knew I was starting writing and recording today right? Well you do now. I just wanted to say I will be back later tonight I have a surprise for you 
P.S I still love you, just in case you had forgotten.

For the entire note I nodded my head until the last bit which made me smile so wide it hurt my jaw. I guess if he isn’t going to me here until tonight the only thing to do is clean up and sleep which I was going to do.

The cleaning didn’t take that long especially when I have Max Bemis of Say Anything singing me along. Sleep however was harder to come by, all I could think of is what the fuck his surprise is, god I hope it is not a TV.

***

The knock on the door woke me from my sleep. Not even bothering to wait until I answered it the person walked straight in. Alex walked into my room where I was struggling to get out of bed (I still feel like shit). Alex had his guitar around him, probably a sick joke rubbing in the fact that I can’t play right now. I sit up as Alex stands on my bed.

“Alex what are you doing?” I asked wiping sleep from my eyes.

“It’s your surprise, I wrote you a song.” The smile on Alex’s face grew wider as he got off my bed and placed his hand on the guitar to start playing.

FUCK