Forest Green

I took my seat and put my head down, trying to sort out my thoughts. What was it about Seth that drew me in? What caught my attention first? How was he any-

And that’s when I realized something.

I was flustered over a boy. Someone of the male gender. Not a girl.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against gays or lesbians or anything of the sort. I never thought the day would come when I might be categorized as one of them though. Having a crush is confusing enough but finding out you may not be who you thought you were isn’t something that happens every day for me. Or ever.

I couldn’t lie to myself about this though. I had thought about Seth in a way other than one of just a friend. I couldn’t deny that. I had never been able to lie to myself convincingly anyway.

But what does this mean?

Does this mean I’m gay? Not necessarily. Does this mean I’m bi? Possibly. I’ve never been attracted to any other guy before. Sure I could tell when someone was ugly or good looking, but I had never checked them out the way I had done with Seth.

I had thought that girls were pretty. I had checked a few out from time to time but then again, my thoughts of Seth were so much different from the ones I had thought about women. He was just… something…

Even in my own mind I can’t think of a way to describe how he makes me think the things I do.

It’s as if he’s magic.Or not.

The funny thing is that everyone always told me that I’d turn out gay. I dressed in bright colors, I woke up thirty minutes early to get my hair just right. I hadn’t dated many girls but I had dated. There was always something wrong, as cliché as that sounds. I was never gay before because I didn’t like boys. They didn’t interest me anymore than girls had. They still don’t.

Seth obviously couldn’t be human. Not with a figure like his or the power he had over my mind.

I wish I knew what the hell was going on with my mind. Most of all I wish I could at least hide behind denial but I can’t, because now I know that I am something other than straight.

The next thing I had to worry about was what I was going to do about my new found attraction. I didn’t think I could ever do anything about it. I wanted to repress it and just ignore the fact that it was there and worry about other things. That wasn’t going to happen, I could already tell.

But I could always just be polite. Not show him my real personality. No one really enjoys hanging out with someone who’s so formal all the time, so he won’t want to hang out with me. Even if I might want him too.

And that’s as far as my train of thought went because just then, the bell rang. And now I’ll have to face Seth. Alone. Because I have no friends in math class.

With shacking knees I went to my locker and then straight to math. I sat in the very left corner of the room next to the only empty chair to my right. Like I said, I had no friends in math class. Well this should be pretty-freaking interesting…

I didn’t want to look at the door to see when he would come in so I put my things neatly on the floor except for last night’s homework and my math binder with all my notes in it. I took a pen out of my pants pocket, uncapped it and set it at the top of my desk in the little indentation made especially for that. Then I slowly opened up my binder to a fresh sheet of lined paper and wrote the date and the section title at the top of the page with a pencil I had also taken out of my pocket.

I faltered in my actions when I heard someone plop down carelessly in the seat next to me. I quickly resumed though after my mind caught up with me.

“Well hello there, neighbor,” came a feminine voice, which only belonged to Seth but I still looked up putting a confused look on my face as if I didn’t know who it was at first. I was always good at pretending.

The little stuffed animal was looking at me expectantly, as if he wanted me to start an actual conversation. That wasn’t what I had planned though.

“Hi,” was my brilliant response before I turned back to my tasks. I made sure it didn’t come out icy or warm. Just neutral. I was more prepared this time.

On the outside I was calm and seemingly relaxed, aside from my slightly shacking left hand. I made sure to keep it at my side because he was positioned to the right of me. In my mind, however, I was a complete wreck. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Especially his nose. It was round but slightly curved upwards. He reminded me of a “Who”. The little people from “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. Just as adorable and sweet. But then again I didn’t even know this kid at all.

“No jokes? No tongue-tied response? Brandon said you’d be weirder than this…” Seth said a little hesitant. That caught me off guard. I didn’t think he’d actually talk to anyone about me.

“Brandon?” I asked reluctantly, but I was curious. At least I didn’t say anything else though so my plan wasn’t completely ruined.

“Yeah, he and I have theater class together. I asked him what you were like and stuff since I didn’t get to talk to you at lunch.” That was a normal enough reason. Of course Brandon would’ve said something about my inability to not crack some rude comment for more than two seconds. I think I was doing quite well with restraining myself at the moment.

Are you ready for another Gabe Duneth brilliant response? I simply shrugged as if I didn’t really understand what he was saying. As if I would really admit to anything.

Then Seth tried a new approach. What was it with this kid and trying to get me to act like my normal self? What if I really did want to be a freak? “Did I do something wrong?” Ha! ‘Au contraire my little friend, your body had done everything right’ is what I wanted to say but that would be stupid. What I wouldn’t give just to put my hands on his hips for just a few seconds.

Well my thoughts are getting more and more courageous now aren’t they?

“Is this a game? A practical joke? No one said you would be this…” he trailed off at the end.

“Nope.” I don’t think that I’ve spoken one full sentence to him yet. Of course I knew what he was implying but I wasn’t going to give in just yet. He looked exasperated. I can tell he wasn’t planning on trying this hard to get someone to talk to him. His expression was cute.

And I sounded like I was thirteen…

Wonderful.

And then the teacher finally walked in. Ms. Richards is now my new lover. She stopped any chance of Seth speaking to me for the time being.

Geometry is the most boring thing I will ever learn. I don’t care who you are, you do not want to learn about corollaries and theorems. Ever. I couldn’t concentrate on my notes today either because I was still obsessing over Seth like he was a little koala. This really needs to stop.

Once class was over I gathered up my things as quickly as I could and was about to head for the door when Seth grabbed my arm keeping me from moving. With both of us standing up I realized how short he was. I was just shy of being six foot but he was probably four inches shorter. The thought made me internally smile. Next he grabbed the color of my shirt and brought me down to his height so that I was eye level with him. I’m pretty sure I just stopped breathing.

“I’m not sure what your problem is but you and I are going to be friends whether you like it or not, and you’re going to talk and laugh like you normally do otherwise I’ll be up your ass about it the whole year.”Hmm…up my ass… Okay, THAT was an accident.

He hadn’t said that harshly, it was more along the lines of fiercely, if that even makes sense. He really was fucking cute as kittens.

With that he let go of my collar to go talk to the teacher while I scurried out of the classroom like my parents just caught me watching porn.