Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

The day back to Hogwarts went smoothly. I was woken up by the Malfoy’s house-elf, who wasn’t as enjoyable as Dobby was but he was freed back in my second year. I hated how the house-elves were treated but I couldn’t do anything about it, the crazy things loved to work. I didn’t have to carry any of my things as they were moved by the elf and I just met with my father and the Malfoy’s downstairs. We ate a quick and quiet breakfast. I couldn’t pass the room where my mother died without the tears falling freely down my face. My father didn’t say anything. His face stayed straight and stone-like and I barely got a hug from him when we left.

He used to be so lively. His eyes used to crinkle at the sides when he smiled. Now he can’t even smile wider than a grimace.

This time we weren’t taking the Hogwarts express back home. The Ministry had set up the Floo Network for all the students who left Hogwarts to return safely. Although Draco and I really didn’t need the safety from the Dark Lord they were set up for, we took it anyway. Narcissa lit the fire for us and she was the only one in the room “Hogwarts!” before disappearing in a large green flame. Narcissa stopped me before I could take my own handful of powder.

She muttered a Silencing Charm on the door and turned to me. “I want you to keep him safe, Acey, and yourself. Please, get out of Hogwarts alive this year. Your mother will be so proud of you, I promise this.” Tears lined her tired eyes and I nodded, trying not to cry myself. She gave me a quick, tight hug before I took my Floo Powder and sent myself to Hogwarts. My mind replayed Narcissa’s words over and over as I stepped foot into Snape’s dark office. He nodded to me with really no facial expression on his face, I just walked up to Draco and we walked out of the office.

“Snape’s just been telling me that there will be Apparation lesson sign ups being posted tomorrow, it’ll be 12 Galleons and it’s only for those who will be 17 before or on August 31st.” Draco told me as we held hands down the corridor to the Slytherin Common Room. It was almost humorous how as soon as we came back to school we were acting together and acting normal. When in reality I should be a mess because I’m one parent down and a Death Eater. Keeping up appearances may be harder than I could imagine.

“Oh, so that includes us, huh?” I smirked and Draco rolled his eyes bumping me slightly muttering, “Obviously.” We walked into the Common Room and sat down on the couch. Only a few people were in the room and Kelsi was one of them. She came up to us, sat down on the couch next to me and gave me a smirk.

“So I see you two are together, again, was it that awesome after party?” I felt my face drop. I didn’t tell Kelsi. I gave Draco a look and he nodded as if he read my mind. I got up and took Kelsi by the hand; I pulled her to our room, told the other girls to get out and casted a Silencing Charm. “What’s up?” Kelsi asked clearly confused as she sat down on her bed.

I held up a finger to indicate to wait a minute as I closed my eyes. I paced back and forth slowly, trying to catch my breathing as the memories of the last couple of days. “H-he killed my mother.” As the words left my mouth, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I collapsed into a sob. I heard Kelsi curse softly as she got up from her bed, walked to me and wrapped her arms around my shaking body. “He killed her, gave me the Dark Mark and gave me a mission.”

“I’m so sorry.” Kelsi told me softly, rubbing circles in my back and I shook my head.

“He said he’s leaving my father up to me when I’m seventeen. I don’t know what he means but it won’t be good.” I cried even louder as I relayed all my information to her. She just comforted me. After I cried and sobbed until I couldn’t anymore, I sat with my back to my bed on the ground.

“This is so messed up, why did they have to become Death Eaters?” Kelsi sat against her bed on the floor also and I knew who she meant by they: our parents.

“I want to join Harry’s side.” I spoke before I realized what I was saying. Kelsi gasped and looked to me with wide eyes. Even mentioning Harry Potter was like drinking poison in the Slytherin house, even if your parents weren’t Death Eaters.

“You can’t! The Dark Lord will kill you!”

“Kelsi, you and I both know that we’re already on the losing side and I want to protect Draco. If I could just play some sort of spy, I could save him.” I rambled on and she gave me pleading eyes but she knew I was right. “There’s a war going on, Kels, and we have to pick our sides. I made a mistake and I want to correct it. Instead of dying over the holidays, I’m going to die later…once I know Draco is going to live.” I was done talking about it. Kelsi just gave me a small smile.

“So how are we going to fool the Dark Lord?” I felt tears spring to my eyes as I attacked my best friend in a huge hug. I was so glad to have one person on my side. She hugged me tightly back and I could feel her shake as the tears began to fall from her eyes.

“Well, first,” I told her as I pulled away, “I need to speak to Dumbledore.”