The Last Something That Meant Anything

Zack is obviously broken about the whole situation. He doesn't really know what to do with himself exactly. He mopes around, for sure. He sort of lets himself go. He doesn't brush his hair, he doesn't eat, and he doesn't move. He doesn't do much of anything. He only makes sure the dog is fed and is let out every once in a while. The dog is the sole reason he gets up in the mornings most of the time. If it weren't for the sweet puppy-faced Husky he'd probably lie in bed all day.

He disconnects his phone for a few weeks and refuses to answer his cell phone. If it isn't Max who is calling, he doesn't want to talk. And he knows for a fact that it isn't Max. It never is. Because Max doesn't care about him anymore. He doesn't want him anymore. He made that pretty clear.

But Zack does have people who do love him and do care about him. And that is proven when his best friend Alex pretty much picks the lock of Zack's front door.

The boy is startled at first, but when he sees the familiar face he calms himself.

"Scared me half to death," he spits, cuddling back into his living room couch. "Go away."

Alex is not having this, not at all. "No, I will not 'go away.' Zack, you need to stop this. You've cut off everyone you know for weeks and it's not helping anyone. Do you know how many times I've called? Do you know how many times Jack and Rian called me asking how you were and why you haven't called them? Do you know how fucking clueless I was, until I drove passed here every day and saw Max's car missing-"

Zack's eyes tear up. "M-Max left me," he mumbles, ready to cry even though he's basically cried out.

Alex sits next to his friend, not mad anymore. How could he be angry? Zack got his heart broken, and he's sure didn't do anything to deserve it. The older boy brushes Zack's disgusting hair out of his face.

"I know, Zack. I know he left you. I don't know why, but I know you're hurt. And I know you feel like you'll never be the same and you'll never love again. But you and I both know that's not true. You're still so young, Zack. You have so much time to find someone else-"

Zack sits himself up and sniffs, grabbing a tissue that is already balled up from use. "I don't want anyone else, Alex. I want Max. I loved him. I still do. I love him so much!"

Alex consoles his best friend, rubbing his back and patting it gently. Zack continues, "...He left to go back home. All the way back to the freaking Nevada! I don't even know where he lives, I could never find him. But he wouldn't let me in anyway, even if I showed up. We...we fought a lot. You know? But it wasn't...this fight wasn't much different. It just was bad. I thought...maybe if I said sorry everything would be okay. But it wasn't. I thought he'd cool off and come back to me. B-But it's almost been a month. What am I gonna do, Alex?"

He looks up at his friend and bites down on his lip. He knows what Max would say to him if he saw him right now. He would go on and on about how pathetic he looks and how much of a baby he is. How he is so glad he's done with him and his child games.

"You're gonna move on, Zack. Look, you're vulnerable. And you might not want to be in another relationship right away and that's fine. But you need to start getting back on track. Max was a piece of shit, I hate to tell you. I always had a bad feeling about him and I hated seeing him yell at you and treat you like a bitch. I never said anything because he made you happy, but...Zack, you're worth so much more- you...I don't think there's a person out there who is deserving of your love. But you're going to find the person that will cherish you and love you back. I know that's what you want. To be loved back?"

The boy nods and wraps his arms around his friend. "Will you help me...clean this place up? You don't have to- it's really messy-"

Alex smiles and nods. "Of course I'll help you, Zack. I will help you with whatever you need me to help you with. Okay?"

They take a couple of hours to clean up Zack's house. Zack finally gets in the shower and runs a brush through his long hair that is desperate for a cutting. He invites Alex to stay over for the night, but his girlfriend is sick and he wants to make sure she is all right. Alex is always so nurturing and loving. Zack would love to have a boyfriend like Alex. They probably could have worked out...if circumstances where different. But Zack is happy for his best friend, and wouldn't ever try to come between him and his girlfriend. Who is a very very nice and intelligent girl. Just what Alex deserves.

~

Max realizes maybe a bit too late that he made the wrong choice. He thought he had a place to go home to, but the truth is that he doesn't. He didn't want to move back in with his parents. His ex 'fling' didn't want anything to do with him and neither did his old friends. He deserted his band to be with Zack. He was dead to them. He stuck up his middle fingers at everybody and decided to rough it out on his own.

He has enough money to get him through for a while but...he eventually starts to run low on cash. And he knows there is something that is missing. He now knows how much he needs Zack. He starts to miss the boy. And he starts to feel sorry. But he doesn't want to give in to his emotions. He wants to ignore them.

Zack doesn't even try to call him...so that must mean he's over him. Max broke him into tiny pieces- why would he ever want him again? He loved him...but Max took advantage of that 100%

He tries to find another band that will take him, and he is surprised to find out that nobody wants him. Not one band. It's like the whole world knows what he had done to Zack. Like everyone knew what a horrible person he is.

He gets a job as a waiter, which is a miracle because of the way he looks. His mother always told him that he wouldn't be anything other than a musician. Because of how many tattoos and piercings he has. So she was wrong, he can be a server.

Of course Max gets fired shortly after he starts working. He was never really much of a people person. He is defeated. He has tried very hard to make a life for him away from Zack. But it seems that fate is not on his side right now.

So with the little money he does have, he buys a one way ticket back to where he knows he belongs. And he doesn't do this only because of his failed attempts for a band, job, and a place to live. He does it because he knows being with Zack is what he wants. Living in their house, lying in their bed, doing things together.

He is not a changed man, not in an 180 degree sort of way at least. He has changed a little. He has to, or else there would be no way in hell Zack would ever take him back. He will learn to be a better person. He will learn how to respect his boyfriend and how to do something called compromising. Because it is what Zack deserves. And it's what he needs to be happy.

Max's taxi drops him off at Zack's place, and he's very happy that he's back. He's just hoping that Zack will be his usual loving and forgiving self, and be willing to talk. If this doesn't work out, than Max will be homeless, moneyless, jobless, and loveless.

He still has his key, he never gave it back. He didn't know he took it with him, until after he arrived in Nevada. But he's glad he has it now. He starts to breathe heavy, and he drops his bags in the center of the floor. A boy- who is not Zack, is lying face down on their couch. He jolts awake, and gasps.

"Max? What...what are you doing here?"

Max immediately gets furious. "ALEX? What the fuck? Where's Zachary and what the fuck are you doing half naked on MY couch? Did you- did you and Zack fuck on my couch?"

Alex sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes. "First of all, you have no right to be here. Second of all this isn't your couch anymore- It's Zachary's couch. And third of all don't you dare talk to me like that. You have the nerve to come back here after all this time. After you tore him apart? Do you have any idea what you've done to him? Do you have any remote idea?"

Max ignores the majority of what Zack's friend is saying to him. He never got an answer, and he's not letting it go until he does.

"Did you or did you not fuck Zack?"

Alex sighs and shakes his head. He hates how stubborn Max is. Always has. He decides to be the bigger man and talk to him like a normal human being.

"Max, no. How could you even think that? I- Zack is upstairs having a shower and will probably be down here soon. I just crashed here last night, we threw a little party and I had a bit too much drink and didn't want to drive home. Relax. I would never do that. And I'm still with Jasey. Just so you know. So next time you wanna maybe get your head on right. What are you doing here anyway?"

Max shrugs, trying to not have a heart attack. He knew Alex and Zack were very close friends...he wouldn't be surprised if he found out they did have sex a couple times. It would bother him, but he knows he has no right to feel this way. He screwed up and he's paying the price.

"I'm here to get my life with Zack back. Look, you're not drunk now so please leave. I'd like to be alone with Zachary."

Alex sends him a look of disgust, but grabs his clothes anyway. He's a good enough friend to give Max the benefit of the doubt even though he doesn't deserve it.

"Fine, but don't expect him to jump on you all happy that you're here. He's been a fucking wreck, because of you. So...let this be the last time I see him like that okay? Or I'll make sure you stay where you came from."

Alex is a nice guy but when anyone messes with the people he loves? Mean Alex comes out and he's ready to fight.

In no less than five seconds after Alex leaves, Zack comes down the stairs with wet hair; since was showering he most likely didn't hear anything. That's good for Max. He doesn't need anything else to make him look bad.

"Max? W-What the fuck are you doing here? Where's Alex?" he looks so terrified- like Max is here to kill him or something.

The older man runs his fingers through his hair. "I...I'm back," is all he says for a long while. "I. I miss you. And...and I know I'm the one who left so I shouldn't be here. Trying to make things right but. But I have to. I've been an ass. A total and complete asshole. And I realized that I do love you, Zack. I tried living without you and I can't. I fucking can't and I'll tell you...I don't want to. Not ever again. I'm so sorry for doing what I did to you, Zack. You don't...you don't have to forgive me but I'm begging you to. When have I ever begged? Never. But I am now. Because I need you."

Zack walks closer to Max, inspecting him with caution. It's been two months. And he looks so run down. Like Zack did before Alex saved him from self-destruction. His eyes look tired, and he lost a bit of weight. He took some of his piercings out. But he still looks like Max.

"I lost my isolation. I let you in. And I gave you the power to hurt me. And you did." Zack says, sitting down on the couch, keeping his distance even though a part of him wants to hug Max so bad.

Luna, their dog comes rushing in, immediately greeting Max with kisses. Max bends down and rubs the dogs head, but doesn't take his eyes off Zack.

"See, I want to be a cat. Because... most cats are very independent. They can be domesticated, but, for the most part, they fend for themselves. And sometimes, when they want you to give them a little affection, they crawl into your lap, and they purr, and they let you pet them, and love them. And then, after a little while, they get sick of you, and they run away. Cats get what they need from you, and then they just move on." Zack looks towards the floor and sighs. "But I'm not a cat. I'm a dog. Dogs are not independent. Dogs love you, pretty much unconditionally. They are so loyal, it defies all logic. Dogs need you, and they let you know that they need you. They need you to love them. They cry when you leave in the morning, and they jump for joy when you come home at night. They always want your attention. They can't get enough-" he starts to choke, unable to finish.

Max taps the dog lightly out of his way and sits next to Zack. He grips his small face in is hands and he stares at him. He doesn't realize he's crying until Zack brushes a tear off of his cheek.

"Zack, I'm fucking sorry, okay? I'll...I'll go for walks with you I'll take a sign language class, karate class, any kind of class you want me to take with you. I'll remember our anniversary and I'll make you a cake on your birthday. I'll smoke outside and I'll never blame you for anything you didn't do ever again. I will love you to the best of my ability and I will respect you. Please, Zack? Can you give me another chance?"

Zack tries not to, but inevitably he cries harder, not wanting this to be happening. He was just starting to get back to the way things were before he met Max. He was starting to wake up happy and content. He was just starting to get over Max...even though he didn't want to. But now here he is...saying everything it is that Zack wants him to say. Being like a ventriloquist. He hates him but loves him so much all at once. It's a lot to take in.

"Max...how can I trust you again? I...I don't know how, I don't think I can," he says, making several more tears come out of Max's bright blue eyes.

"Can't you try, baby? Please? I swear I'll be better to you. I'll swear on anything. I...I was miserable without you. And the only reason why it took me so long to come here was because I was poor. I had no money for a plane ticket but as soon as I had enough I spent it all to come here. I would have been here sooner, really would have. I...I wish I never left in the first place it was the most idiotic thing I could have done. I fucked up, I know that. I know you should hate me but...please tell me you don't?"

Zack lets himself smile, just for a moment. "God, I could never hate you, Max. I love you. I've loved you for a while. I- I never really let you go, even though I knew I had to. I held onto you. I hoped that you would come back to me. And now that you're here...I don't know what to do."

Max presses his lips against Zack's, elated that he lets him. He kisses him over and over again. He misses how his lips tasted- how they felt. He loves them...they are the most perfect lips he's ever kissed.

"You can let me love you?" Max offers, kissing him once again. "And I'm not talking about sex, I know that isn't a good idea right now. It's okay though because I've gone without sex for two months I can go for as long as you need..."

Zack is shocked. "You didn't find someone else to..- you really have been celibate for this whole time?" Zack asks with his eyes finally starting to dry up.

Max shakes his head yes. No rebound, no temporary lover. No nothing.

"The only person I want is you, Zachary. I wouldn't ever try to replace you." he nuzzles his nose against the younger boys'.

"Same," Zack whispers. He knows now that Max has hurt him for the last time.

"I love you. And I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you I promise, just tell me what to do..." Max mumbles, wishing so bad to be able to hold Zack in his arms.

Zack lies his back on their couch and pulls Max down with him, fulfilling his wish. "You can start by cuddling with me..."

Max smiles and kisses his boyfriends' neck. "I can't wait for the rest..."