I Wish You Would Step Back From That Ledge, My Friend...

Sophie’s eyes were closed and her head was buried in Garrett’s chest, but she couldn’t fall asleep. She was drowning in her thoughts. She loved Garrett, there was no doubt about that, but she had to have loved James on some level too.

“I love you,” he whispered tiredly into her hair, making her thoughts just that much more cluttered. “What happened to us? We used to be everything. Or, you were my everything.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, pretending she was asleep. She didn’t want to tell him the truth: they grew up. She didn’t want to admit that she fucked up. She wanted to forget it all. She wanted to be fifteen again, learning about how she and Garrett fit together and how they were perfect for one another. She wanted to go back to when things weren’t so complicated.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Soph.” His lips lingered near her ear, the heat from his breath making her heart speed up. “I don’t know—I don’t know why we gave up. I don’t know why I considered letting him have you.”

She twisted to look at him, her eyes filled with sorrow and regret. “We, well, we both made a lot of mistakes, Garrett. We both did a lot of dumb things, like letting each other go.”

“I let you go because I loved you.” She nodded, acknowledging the truth in what he was saying. She had known all along that he loved her.

“Being,” she paused, licking her lips and moving her gaze from Garrett’s, “being with James never felt right. I-I, I knew he was a mistake. That’s why I came back to you. But that was a mistake too, Garrett.” He nodded. They’d both known it all along—that what they were doing was wrong. “I didn’t love him, not the way I love you. But that doesn’t mean it was okay to cheat.”

“I’m just as guilty.”

She shook her head, rolling over and just out of his reach. “No, Garrett, you aren’t.” She buried her head into her pillow, refusing to look at him. “Claire knew. You guys were just a fling. You weren’t exclusive. She knew you were still fucking me.”

“No need to phrase it so eloquently,” he scoffed. “I never told her though.”

“But she knew; you didn’t try to hide it.” She finally met Garrett’s eyes, tears lining both of their eyes. “He didn’t know until he caught us.”

“He needed to see. He needed to find out in a scenario where someone was there to protect you, Soph.” Garrett slid toward Sophie, lifting her chin. “I was sick of seeing the bruises and cuts. I was sick of seeing you in pain and not doing anything about it.”

“But I deserved it.”

Garrett exhaled lowly, anger beginning to course through his veins. “You didn’t deserve any of it.” Of course James would make her think that. “He was a lowlife. He was absolute scum. He treated you like a punching bag. You needed to be treated like porcelain. I would treat you like glass, baby. You know how much I love you. You know he was treating you wrong. Baby, you know.” He ran his finger along her jaw line, tracing the delicate bone structure. “You’re much too fragile to be walked all over, Baby. Especially when you were pregnant.”

“Garrett…”

“I know you don’t want to be treated like glass, but that doesn’t mean he treated you right.”

She raised her hand, covering his with her own. “Maybe it all happened for a reason, Garrett. Maybe it was all for the best.”

He shook his head, eyes connecting and locking with her’s “I find it hard to wrap my mind around the concept that it was best for him to make his own decision about a child that wasn’t even his.”

“I know, I just need to justify it.”

“Justify what?” he whispered. “What do you need to justify?”

“His actions,” Sophie replied, trying to look away from Garrett.

“Why should you justify what he did?”

“Because he’s dead, Garrett. Because he fucking killed himself after he caught us together. Because he took my child from me and I need to believe that he had a good enough reason to do it. Okay?” She whimpered, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I know he was out of line, but I need to believe it made sense to him.”

“He,” Garrett paused, “he was jealous, Soph. He was jealous of all that we had, and that’s the only reason he did it.”

“But he loved me, he wouldn’t have been that cruel.”

“He didn’t love you enough. Look at what he did to you.”

“He loved me too much. He loved me enough to fight me to stay, Garrett. He loved me plenty.”

Garrett shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t you think I love you more?” he asked softly.

“Gary, I know you love me with all your heart and soul and then some. Yes, I know you love me way more.”

“I would never lay a finger on you. If you’d be happier without me, I’d let you go. I, Sophie, I love you too much to hurt you. If he wasn’t already dead, I’d fucking kill him for what he did, Sophie. Baby, he could never love you like I do.”

She nodded. “But there’s something to be said for loving someone enough to hurt them to keep them.”

“I disagree,” he whispered, lips centimeters from her’s, “I think there’s something to be said for loving someone enough to let them go, or loving someone enough to hurt every person who has ever hurt them. There’s something to be said for that. I would sacrifice my life to save you. All he did was run when things got rough. He didn’t love you enough.”

Her tears flowed freely. She couldn’t control it. She was too much of a wreck. “I think both are equally as honorable and dishonorable. It’s just a personality thing, Garrett. What matters is that I love you, not him.”

“Then why did you go every morning?” He looked away. "Why was visiting him so fucking important?"