I'm Not Afraid Anymore

Helenas POV:

They start their first song and the fans love it of course. They jump around and sing. This is their escape from reality. I understand that now. But all I can do is nothing but to stare at Frank when he plays. He plays with his whole heart and soul. It’s amazing to witness. I couldn’t believe how much energy and life there is in him until now. That’s why he always make me go numb when I’m around him, he love his life and everything in it. He is strong and he will never let it go. He’ll even fight a vampire to keep it.
I watch him play one song after the other and he plays everyone like he will never play them again…
The show flies by and it’s time for their encore.
The fans chant:

“MCR”
“MCR”
“MCR”
“MCR”
“MCR”
“MCR”

They scream their lungs out again when the guys walk back on to the stage and start their encore. Even though they’ve been playing for almost an hour and a half, they do not lack any energy for the encore. They perform like it’s the beginning of the show instead of the end of it and every time they end a song the fans are always there filling up the silence with their screams. It’s fascinating to see and hear how music can change people. I have heard people talking about how the music they listen to have changed them but I have always thought it’s impossible. I mean it’s just music. But now I know what they mean. It’s true and it’s very fascinating.

“Alright New York! It’s time for our last song” Gerard says to the crowd. The fans chant together “we want more” and I can see smiles on all of the guys faces.

“We would love to play all night, but we have more fans all over the country and they would get pretty pissed if we blew them off” Gerard says with a smile on his face. This time the crowd is more willing to let them play just one more song.

“This song is called Helena and I just want to thank every one of you for your support during these tough months. And I hope you all know that we love you and live each and every day like it’s your last! You’ll never know what’s going to happen tomorrow! Thank You New York” The band starts playing and Gerard starts whispering;

“Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you”

Then the guitar kicks in and the whole song becomes so powerful and beautiful. The crowd jumps to the beat and they all sing along. It’s so powerful to hear it and it gives me goose bumps. I listen to the lyrics and it’s very beautiful. I close my eyes and I just listen to Gerard singing and I focus on the lyrics.

“What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight”

And then they come to the bridge and I open my eyes again and watch Frank play. I hear him sing in his head.

“Can you hear me?”

He has his eyes closed; his face looks down on the ground so no one can see his face. He keeps on singing in his head.

”Are you near me?”

I look at him and I just listen to him singing in his head. His lips are also moving but there’s no sound coming out of his mouth. ”Let me hear you sing Frank!” I think to myself, wishing he could hear me. But in that exact moment I thought that, he looks up and his eyes are confused. They're looking for someone and I have an idea who it is. He is looking for me.
”Sing Frank. Sing!” I think again and this time when the next line starts, he opens his mouth and sings.

“Can we pretend to leave and then…” his eyes still searching for me.

“We'll meet again…” He sings and his eyes are searching through the crowd

“When both our cars collide?” And finally his eyes connect with mine. We disappear together into each others eyes and we just existed. The music takes us onto a journey without boundaries. During the last chorus he just stares at me and when the songs end, so does our journey. We come back to reality and all we hear is screams and Gerards voice, thanking the crowd again. The band leaves the stage and Frank disappears.
The light returns and the mass of fans start to walk towards the exits, returning to the world outside the venue.
I stand still, not really knowing what to do and where to go. After a minute I regain my consciousness, I start looking around for a guard or someone that can get me backstage.

“Excuse me miss, but it’s time for you to leave the venue.” I hear a man say. I turn around and there he stands; a guard.

“Actually can you show me the way to get backstage?” I look at him and he looks at me like I’m stupid or something.

“You need to have a backstage pass for that miss, or I wont be able to help you” I show him my pass and he surprised I have one.

“Oh okay. Come on I’ll show you” he says and starts to walk back towards the stage. I follow him and he asked me what I though about the show and I say amazing of course. He stops in front of a door and I stop to.

“Okay. I can’t go any further but if you just go trough this door, you’ll come to My Chems dressing room. Have a good night” he says and I say “Thank You” and I’m alone again.

”Oh god it’s smells so bad in here.” I think to myself. So I stopped breathing and I opened the door. There’s a long hallway with different doors on each side and at the end there is another door and there’s people behind it, so that must be their dressing room. I walked slowly forward, very careful to not be discovered. I look around and I take in every little detail. But then there’s something that’s not right. I turn around and there he is.

My beautiful Frank...

He has changed his clothes now; he is wearing dark jeans and a red shirt. He is as beautiful as ever. He keeps looking at me without saying anything. I can’t say anything either. I’m paralyzed.
Finally he breaks the short silence.

“I thought you could feel my scent?”

“I can, I just didn’t breath” I answer. He looks pleased with the answer and he goes back to looking at me.

“Why are you here?” he questions me.

“Do you really want to know?” I question back. His eyes are locked with mine. We get disrupted when there’s movement behind Frank and, human as he is, he turns to look what is was. ”bad move, Frank.”. Before he has time to turn back his head to look at me, have I already pushed him into one of the rooms and his back is pressed against the locked door. I hold his wrist in my hands. He is a victim now.

“Do you want to know why?” I asked him again.

“I guess I already knew the answer, I just wanted it confirmed” his eyes looks into mine yet again and there is no sign of fear. He is very calm for being in this situation.

“I wish I had never met you! I wish I didn’t have to do this!” my voice is sad and he hears it.

“Is it going to hurt?” he asks me.

“Yes. It will hurt.” He breaks our eye contact for a moment and takes a deep breath. Then his eyes are locked with mine again.

“Good, I always wanted to feel pain when I died.” I’m confused. My face tells it for him and he starts to explain.

“I want to feel when everything ends; I want to feel when I lose my life.” He moves his arm. I tighten my grip.

“I need my arm.” He looks at me and smiles. I let go off his right arm.

“I need the other one too!” ”What is he doing?” I think to myself.

”Trust me!”

“You will not run away?” I question. The smile disappears.

“No. I will not run away. I’m ready!” that startles me. I let go of his left arm and I take small steps backwards into the room. He follows. We stop when we are in the middle of the room. He takes off his shirt and drops it onto the floor. I can’t do anything but watch him.

“I’m not afraid anymore” he says to me. His words are more like whispers but he knows I can hear it anyway. He takes up a razor blade and cuts a wound right next to his throat. I smell his wonderful blood and it’s very difficult not to kill him right there. But I stay calm and just keep looking at him. I walk towards him so my face is just inches away from his. I don’t break eye contact.
When I stop I can hear his fast heartbeat. He is not calm anymore.

“Are you ready?” I asked him in a whisper. His breathing is shallow.

“Can I just do one last thing?” his eyes are hopeful for this question. I can do nothing but to nod.

“Can I kiss you?” his voice says so tiny and so fragile.

I nod.

He takes my head into his hands and presses his lips against mine. The kiss is not hard and passionate, it’s soft and tender. It’s full of different emotions. I put my hands around his waist and press him more against me. I can feel his skin against my cold fingertips. I direct my lips away from his and start making my way to his neck, towards the wound. I plant kisses on his jaw and stops at his ear. His eyes are closed and his breathing is even shallower than before. He tries to enjoy it as much as possible before it ends.

“Are you ready?” I whisper in his ear.

“I’m ready.” He answers in a whisper.

The tears, which I’ve been living without for so long, starts to run down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry” I say before I place my mouth over the wound and begin to drain the life out of him.
Before his life is gone, he places his arms around my neck and brings me closer to him and he whispers.

“I Forgive you!”