Vanilla Twilight

I sat under that tree we loved so much, looking up at the stars that we always tried to count. You never got farther than fifty because you couldn’t remember if you had counted them or not. A numb feeling came over me as I thought of those memories. I wrapped my arms around my body, wishing you were there, lying on my chest and talking about anything and everything. You would always whisper because you didn’t want to disturb the silence.

I looked down at my hands, tracing over my own fingers. Your hands fit so perfectly in mine, our fingers felt like they were meant to be intertwined. I blinked back the small tears that were starting to form in my eyes. I closed my eyes; the atmosphere feeling like it was weighing them down. Memories flashed in front of my eyes. Thinking about you made me feel less alone, like there was still someone who understood me and cared about me.

“Darling, I wish you were here,” I whispered into the wind.

As many times as I blink, I’ll think of your pretty face and the way your brown hair framed it perfectly. I’ll think of the way your violet eyes sparkled when light hit them or if you were happy. I’ll think of how you always knew what to say to make me laugh when I was having a bad day. I’ll think of how perfect we were together. I’ll think of how everyone was jealous of our love.

A little sob escaped my lips and I wrapped my fingers around the grass, pulling out a few pieces at a time.

”Do you enjoy killing the earth, one grass blade at time?”

You always had so much concern for everything, especially for me. The loneliness was starting to get to me. The numbness started in my core, spreading throughout my entire body. I wanted to be able to talk to you again. I wanted to be able to tell you everything that I was feeling and not be ashamed to cry because you knew that I would feel better if I did.

I wanted to spill every little secret I had to you. I wanted to hear you say that you love me; even though you said it so many times I would never be able to get that voice out of my head.

”We’ll be together forever, you know that right? I never want to leave you,” she grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. We were under our favourite tree, looking up at the stars.
“Forever.”

Tears were coming down like waterfalls now. That was the last time I saw you, the last words we spoke to each other. You promised you would never leave me.

I stood up, a dizzy feeling coming over me. I turned around, looking all around me, hoping to see you running to me with a smile on your face. I wanted you to jump into my arms and laugh that gorgeous laugh of yours. I wanted you to throw your head of soft brown curls back and kick your feet out and then bring your head back up and kiss me.

But it wasn’t going to happen. You were gone, disappeared from the Earth like you were never here. Everyone else had moved on, but I knew you were still here. I could feel it; I believe it.

The sun started to break through the darkness, engulfing the stars as it started to rise. I looked around once more before walking slowly through the field.

“I miss you, darling. I love you.”