It's Over

I feel numb and tired as I’m being lifted onto the plane. I’ve only got one chance for this donor. If I can’t make it by 6.00am then… it’s over.

I feel tears slipping out of my eyes as I realize that just last week, I was perfectly fine. I was enjoying life with my friends. I just finished school and was looking forward to go to London University. The holiday of a lifetime was planned. Just us girls. The five of us were going to Marbella, Spain .So we all decided to get our shots and check up’s done . The trip to the doctors was normal, I was so geared up for the trip . I was so excited.

I remember bouncing up and down just eager for the doctor to give me the injections. I mean, I was healthy and fit. There wasn’t a lot to do. But then the doctor came back frowning and concerned.

I only remember this “It’s so severe you could die tomorrow, we need to do something now.”

Apparently I had an undiagnosed heart condition. I needed a transplant immediately. I wasn't paying attention. They called my mum because I wouldn’t answer. I needed someone. I remember looking up at her when she arrived. She was crying too. I looked away my heart aching, the pain I’d given her . God I’m the reason she has white hair. I used to fight and bitch at her all the time.

I look around and see the air staff settling my mother in. I reach for a pad of paper embossed with the airline logo and a pen that matches. I uncap the pen and start writing

Dear, Family

If you’ve got this letter it means that I’ve gone up to join Elvis Presley and Michael.
Dad, I love you so much. Please don’t cry when you get this letter. I know my time with you was short but you loved me so much just think of it as a long holiday. I’m sorry for doing this over a letter, but I don’t think I’d be able to face talking to you and telling you this. It would hurt to much. Please tell Joshua, that his big sister loved him a lot. That whenever I used to tease him , it was out of love. He was my little man. Daddy, I’m always going to be your little girl. Nothing can ever change that. Nothing will. Whenever I used to act up and mess around and whenever I said I hated you. I never meant it.
Mummy, I love you , I never meant to mess around. You were my inspiration for everything.

I love you Mummy, Daddy and Josh.

Loads of love

Your daughter and big sister.

Sarah-Jayne.
xxx

I fold the paper and set it aside, my tears having made this paper damp. I feel numb. It’s not fair. Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. I feel a hand on my shoulder. It’s my mum. I can feel it. I can sense it .

“Everything will be alright Sarah. I’ll make everything alright.” I hear my mum say hoarsely. No, I know something’s going to happen to me. But I need to reassure her. After all she’s been reassuring me my whole life.

“I know Mummy but just in case.”

I tear off another piece of paper for the girls. This has definitely got to be the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. Just writing the letter, saying my final goodbyes, is destroying me. I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to die! I take a deep breath and start writing. I need to be cheerful and upbeat. Who knows I might just survive?

Dear, Darlings!

So, I know your reading this letter only if I’ve gone up. Girls you were the best friends a girl could have had. The time at school I had was the best ever!!!! After I’ve gone I want you to go over to my house, under my bed, I’ve got separate boxes with things I want to give you. If you don’t take them, I’ll know and I’ll come back to haunt you. Just enjoy the time you have okay? I mean if I’d known I might die, I would’ve done so much. Don’t cry, please? I mean , as I’m writing this I’m crying and when I cry, I cry elegantly and to be honest when you girls cry, you look like a mess. I’m joking! You’ve gotta know that I love you! You were and still are my sisters. I’m sorry for everything bad I’ve done. I know I was annoying at times, by God am I sorry.

I love you

Sarah-Jayne

xxx

I fold the piece of paper and motion for my mum. She walks over .

“Mum , if anything happens to me, please can you give this letter to the girls and this other letter is for you and daddy and Josh.” I whisper. She breaks out a sob as she gently reaches towards me hugs me.

The plane starts rocking. We both beak apart and look around. The stewardesses dashes out and shouts to my mother to sit down, whilst another one comes towards me and makes sure that the bed I am in is secure and safe.

“What’s happening?” I hear my mother question.

“There’s a problem with one of the engines, but we’ll be alright, we just need to sit tight and be calm.” The plane suddenly plunges down and I hear screams all over . My mouth is open as I scream and cry , praying for this ordeal to be over. This can’t be fair? It can’t be fair! What have I done to deserve this. What has my mother done to deserves this? This isn’t her fault. If someone deserves to die, it should be me.

“Mum I love you” I shout. I hear her shouting something back too. I start praying, quickly. Begging to spare my mother’s life. I don’t care if I die. I pray. Just keep Mum safe. Dad needs her, just spare her life.

The screams are getting louder , the stewardesses are sobbing loudly and praying out loud. One of them has grabbed a plane phone is telling whoever is one the other end that they love them.

I hear a dull metal crash as we hit the ground, something hits my head and I feel my body flying through the space .

“Sarah!”

I close my eyes, it’s time now as I hear less of the screams. I feel warm and safe now.