So Easy To Love

The next few days would have been awkward if I wasn't already used to Oliver's use of the silent treatment. Although I guess this one was different than the others. Instead of dirty looks it was sympathetic looks, instead of snarky comments it was drawn out sighs, instead of excessive drinking it was spending more time in his bunk. I was getting sick of these sorts of games and now instead of staying up at night wondering why he didn't love me, I stayed up and wondered if this was all worth it. Was Oliver really worth it?

I mean, I had spent almost two years being completely in love with him and now I was sitting around wondering why he couldn't even gather the balls to explain himself. Was putting myself through this worth it? At this rate I wasn't so sure. How many times did I have to get ignored before this all finally blew up? It just wasn't fair. What had I ever done so wrong to deserve getting treated like this?

But then as all of those things slipped into my mind I would think about the good times; the times he kissed me, the silly things we had done on the road, the moments where him being "Oli Sykes" didn't matter. The mornings he woke up and his hair was a mess, or the nights he would be too tired to do anything and just watch a movie with me (always my choice). Those moments that made me love him and made me feel stupid for ever doubting that love. Because aren't you supposed to love every part of someone? Not just the good parts. The bad parts too. I might have been too blinded by love to see those bad parts before, and maybe the heat and the situation had really agitated him (I swear I wasn't making excuses), but now that I could see those bad parts I needed to learn to deal with them. Just like he needed to learn to deal with them.

Warped was rapidly coming to a close though, and then the boys would soon be heading back "over the pond" for a just under two months before returning to the States for the AP Tour. Tom had invited me to come stay with him and Matt at their apartment for their two week break before starting a short tour over there and I still hadn't given him an answer. Truth be told I wasn't sure where my home was anymore. I looked forward to touring only because it gave me somewhere to stay. I was thinking about starting to manage another band while the boys did their tours that didn't involve the US. Tom had urged me numerous times to just move in with him, but I wasn't sure I could deal with being in Sheffield alone. He had also urged me to tour with them permanently, but now I wasn't so sure I could do that either.

"'s too hot out for my English blood," Tom whined.

"'s not so bad," Matt shrugged as we all walked to a signing together.

"'re yeh kiddin'? 's bloody hot as hell!"

"Matt's right," I agreed.

"Fhanks love," Matt winked at me, making me blush. He just laughed at my reaction and threw his arm over my shoulder as we kept walking.

"Yeh grew up 'ere!" Tom defended himself.

"I didn't grow up in Detroit!" I giggled.

"'s all the same 'ere!" He threw his arms in the air.

"I grew up in Jersey," I told him. "And then moved to California when I was 17. Neither of those places are anything like Detroit."

"I don't care Blair," he told me flatly. "All I care about is tha' 's hot an' we're 'bout ta get under some shade."

Both Matt and I rolled our eyes as we finally reached the tent. A few screams came from the crowd when they saw the boys and I think I even heard my name a few times. Shaking it off I instructed Matt where to sit as I looked off in the distance to see the rest of the boys making their way to the tent.

"Okay everyone," I yelled to the line of people. I was sure most of them weren't able to hear me, but I made the same speech I made at every signing. "Be nice, have your item ready, and I hope we see you at the set later!"

"Yeh're like, so cute Blair," Tom mocked me as I took a few steps back to stand with him. I blushed and hip checked him slightly.

"You're a jerk."

"Yeh know who's a jerk..." he began, taking a deep breath before launching into another one of his long drawn out speeches about his brother.

"I already know, okay? I don't want to hear this anymore," I rolled my eyes beneath my sunglasses. I knew that he knew I was still doing so though. Best friend sort of thing.

"Yeh can't tell me yeh're still hung up on 'm," he was appalled just saying it.

"Feelings like that don't just go away over night," I hissed at him angrily. "And I don't feel like talking about this right here and right now."

"When 're yeh gonna wanna talk about it?" He challenged me.

"When you stop being such a dick about it!" I squeaked. Both my eyes and his were wide as the words left my mouth. I was just as surprised by my words as he was, and it was clear by my expression. I didn't get angry often. And that wasn't just because I was an already pretty quiet person, it was also because nothing ever really bothered me enough to get angry about it. I mean sure, there were plenty of things that annoyed me but none enough for me to get physically mad. It just wasn't me.

But truthfully, Tom had been getting on my nerves. He was playing the protective brotherly role way too seriously and wasn't even bothering to take my feelings into account. All he was focused on was the fact he didn't like the idea of Oliver and I being together and he hated the way his brother had been treating me over the summer. And that was okay, I completely understood that, but it was almost like he didn't care how I felt. And my feelings were sort of important when you consider the fact this situation directly involved me. I just wanted him to listen to me for once. To sit down and let me unload all of my feelings onto him. To have him try his best to understand why it just wasn't that easy to let Oliver go.

"I...I'm sorry," I immediately apologized.

"No," he said quickly. "'s okay."

I took a few steps closer to him until our arms were touching. I glanced around us quickly to make sure everyone was occupied and them I looked up at my best friend. "It's not that easy, okay?" I whispered. "Despite all of this I love him. I really do. And maybe that makes me stupid but I can't help it. I know he's been treating me like shit; you're right about that much. But this isn't some stupid little crush, this is serious." My voice was low as I spoke and Tom's baby blues kept themselves locked on my own dark eyes as I spoke, listening intently and trying his best to understand.

"I jus'...I don't know 'ow yeh can love 'm," he whispered. I sighed deeply and gazed over to where the boys were doing their signing. As my eyes fell on Oliver a small smile creeped its way onto my lips and the butterflies started to flap around in my stomach around the same time my cheeks turned red.

I turned back to Tom, still smiling, "I can't explain it," I said simply.

"Me eifher," he laughed lightly. I grinned widely and then launched myself at my best friend, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and making him stumble backwards slightly. "Wha's tha matter wiff yeh?" He asked, still laughing.

"You're my best friend, Tom."

"Ok," he stated awkwardly.

"And I just love you, ok? Even if you're a jerk sometimes."

"I love yeh too, Blair," he replied as he finally wrapped his arms around my shoulders to hug me.

The signing went by smoothly and afterwards I was back on the bus for a few seconds searching for my phone when I heard the door open and shut again. I had been previously alone, the rest of the guys out and about getting ready for their set which was happening in less than an hour. If it was going to be anyone walking up those stairs I would probably guess it'd be Tom, so when I saw a certain mess of dark and slightly curled hair and that ever present Bulls jersey I was surprised to say the very least. And when he took a few large steps toward me with a sort of worried look on his face.

"Don't leave," he rushed, out of breath and disoriented. I raised an eyebrow at his words as well as his state of being. I can't say I planned on leaving, or even walking to the other part of the bus just because I saw him. I wasn't the one with the problem; leaving was something I expected him to do.

"I wasn't going to..." I trailed off awkwardly, unsure of what else to say.

"I don't want yeh ta fhink this is easy okay?" He snapped at. I was so confused as to what he was talking about I could barely think of a response. He was acting so weird and frantic and...not like himself.

"What are you talking about Oliver?" I asked him flat out.

"I can't," he began before sighing and making a face. "I dont..." he trailed off again, the words he was trying to find failing him. Still I wasn't so sure what he was so worked up about or what he was even talking about, and I was hoping he'd elaborate. "I'm only doin' all of this cause I don't deserve yeh, Blair. I know yeh won't understand. But lovin' yeh is easy; yeh're tha closest fhing ta perfect I've eva met. An' I know I'd fuck tha' up."

I had no idea how to respond to him. I don't think he even expected me to respond. Here he was, pouring his heart out to me with huge bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and messy hair and a completely frazzled look on his otherwise perfect face. It was like this had been eating him ever since he had walked away from me last week, since I had spilt my guts. I was at a loss for words. Never had I thought I'd be standing here right now listening to him tell me he loved me. Because that's what he had said. He told me I was easy to love. He told me that he was just protecting me. Or at least trying to. But protecting me from what? From him?

"Fuck what up?" I asked.

"Fuck yeh up," he replied in a small voice. "I don't know 'ow ta be a good boyfriend. I've fucked every las' one of me relationships up. An' I don't want ta do tha' ta yeh," he said in a small voice. "I don't know wha' would 'appen if we took this any further. I'm good at jus' admirin' yeh from afar. I don't wan' ta hurt yeh, Twitch."

Twitch. My heart ached as he used the nickname I hadn't heard in so long. My stomach clenched as he admitted all of this. My plams began to sweat. Everything got sort of hazy. I don't know if he realized how much he had already hurt me. That I wasn't sure he could hurt me anymore than he had. That I was willing to take that chance. That I was so hopelessly and ridiculously in love with him that it was borderline pathetic.

"Why do you think you get to decide that?" I asked, suddenly angry by all of this.

"Wha'?" He looked surprised. I knew he wasn't expecting his sort of reaction from me.

"You're being selfish and you don't even realize it, Oliver," I shook my head. "What if I wanted to give it a shot? And what if I said that maybe you were worth it? God you don't even care about anyone but yourself! Because that's who you're really protecting! You don't give a crap about me! Because you've already hurt me more than you probably ever could." The tears were starting now, prickling the backs of my eyes and choking me as I tried desperately to get through my speech without letting them roll down my cheeks.

"Blair I neva meant ta hur-"

"Just don't," I told him, holding my hand up as indication for him to stop speaking. He did. "Just..." I took a deep breath and titled my head back as I looked up at the ceiling. I blinked away the tears and then looked back down at Oliver, who was clearly distraught by the situation. "Just go on stage, okay?" I finally murmured. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I walked away this time.