One More Time Left to Say Your Goodbyes

I looked down at my phone anxiously as I waited for it to buzz with a new message. I lit another cigarette and puffed on it madly. The screen went black and I tapped it again to make sure that it stayed on. I let out a long breath of smoke and stared around me.

I’d gone and gotten a motel room for thirty bucks a night and had been staying there for a couple of weeks. Ever since shit hit the fan and Casey found out about Charlie and me and then Charlie and Ronnie started hooking up, I couldn’t handle anything anymore. I had to break up with Casey. And I’d spent the last couple of days trying to sober up. I’d probably drank about four bottles of Captain Morgan alone lately. I was so fucking tired of being drunk and I sat around and I realized that maybe my life wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

That maybe all those girls I’d been fucking weren’t worth losing Casey over. And that maybe, letting Charlie bust into my life again and take my girlfriend and my best friend away again wasn’t something I was comfortable with. And I sat and I thought and I thought about ways to get her back, to get even with her. It wasn’t necessarily something where I wanted Casey and Ronnie back, but I just wanted Charlie to know how it feels when someone just comes barging into your life and fucks everything up. I wanted her to know what it feels like to fucking sit around for two weeks being drunk as fuck and not even having a good time.

It was bullshit the way that Charlie just fucked everything up for me again. Just like the first time we’d gotten together, she’d managed to blame me for everything that had gone wrong. Like it was my fucking fault she’d gotten sent to Carson City, and not her dad’s. Charlie had never once said thank you for anything that I’d done for her. Taken hits from Ronnie, dealt with Ronnie’s shitty attitude, dealt with losing her and not being able to talk to her again. Listening to Casey complain about everything and get mad at me for cheating on her all the time, like it was my fault.

Honestly, I could give a fuck what Casey and Ronnie thought about me. I didn’t even care what Charlie thought about me. I just wanted Charlie to feel bad. I wanted her to feel really bad about what she’d done to me. But I didn’t want her to feel bad for me. I wanted her to feel bad for herself. I wanted to make her fuck everything up in her own life.

I put out my cigarette and watched my phone for another twenty seconds. Right as I looked away in agitation, it buzzed. I picked it up so quickly that I dropped it in my lap and by the time I had the text open, I was already grinning.

what the fuck do you want?

I texted her back, i wanna talk to you about casey. i fucked it all up and i need your help.

lol are you fucking kidding me, max? i’m not going to help you hurt my best friend again.

please Charlie. i’ve done so much for you and i just need this one favor. i need to make things right. i’ve been sitting around and i know what i’ve done to her was wrong and i want to change things. i want to try it again.

try what? breaking her fucking heart. no way.

please.

I could almost see her on the other side of the phone, trying to tell me to fuck off. But she had too big of a heart to do that. She felt bad for me and she felt bad for Casey. I knew that Casey wasn’t dealing with anything well; she’d never dealt with anything well. Everything was always a fucking tragedy to her. Especially losing me, to another girl.

where the fuck are you?

I grinned to myself as I texted her directions. I got up from the chair at the balcony and walked back into the motel room, getting out a bottle of Morgan and some shot glasses. I waited 20 minutes and sure enough, I could hear her knocking at the door.

I opened it, “Hey.”

She shoved her way in and closed the door behind her. “What’s your plan? I don’t see what you’re getting at, Max.”

“Come have a drink with me.” I laughed, taking her to the table. “Why are you being so uptight?”

She drank straight out of the bottle. Of course she would. “I just don’t understand you. You totally fucked up her life and then you dump her for no apparent reason and then you call me up and you want to talk to me about her so that you can get her back?”

I took the bottle from her hand and poured us both a shot. “I’ve just been sitting here thinking about things and I realized how much I miss her and how much I’ve fucked everything up and I can’t handle it anymore. You and Ronnie are off in your fucking love sick world and I’m sitting here feeling like shit and I know that Casey is probably heart broken.”

“She is not.” Another drink.

“Bullshit.”

Charlie slammed down another shot. I knew this would be easy. Just like her.

“Seriously, she’s fine.”

I leaned over the table and rubbed my nose over her neck. “You always smelled so good.”

She shoved me away. “I’m not drunk enough yet. Don’t even go there with me.”

“Do you want to be drunk enough?”

Once she realized where our conversation was heading, she quickly grabbed her keys and stood up to leave, stumbling slightly. “I need to go.”

But I grabbed her by the arm. “You’re not leaving like that. You’re fucking drunk. Just sit down on the bed and I’ll text Ronnie and tell him that you went to visit your aunt.”

“He’s not going to believe that.”

“I’ll figure something out.”

I picked up the phone and pressed the off button. That way, we wouldn’t have to worry about anything tonight. I smiled once again to myself.

“Hey, Charlie. Why don’t you take your shoes off?”

She kicked them off. “I don’t feel good. I drank way too fast.”

I leaned over her. “I’m going to run to the vending machine to get something to drink. Do you want anything?”

She groaned, shaking her head. I gave her five minutes and left the room. By the time I was back, the alcohol had gotten to her. She’d always been a fucking light weight, but obviously something was up if she’d drank that much.

I sat down next to her and cracked open my soda. “So how are you and Ronnie?”

She turned to look at me. “You know what I’ve been thinking?” She paused, smiling her drunk smile. “He’s really in love with me. I mean, really in love and I just kinda wanted to fuck around with him. I don’t know, I was stuck with Aaron for so long that I kind of just wanted to mess around and now we’re like in this relationship I guess.”

“You guess?” I asked, setting my soda down.

“Yeah.” She laughed. “Like we sleep in the same bed.”

I ran my hand under her shirt. “So do you think he’d be mad that I was touching you right now?”

“Probably.” She murmured.

“That’s okay.” I whispered against her ear, rolling on top of her. “We don’t have to tell him.”

She laughed. “We can’t tell Casey either.”

“Oh.” I grinned, pulling her shirt off. “We’d never ever tell Casey. Remember what happened last time we told Casey something?”

She nodded. “That was bad.”

I leaned down and kissed her neck, reaching behind her and pulling her bra off. “That’s because you’re bad little girl and you like to fuck around in everyone’s business, don’t you? You like to ruin shit.”

“Why would you even think that?” She gasped, like she had no idea what I was talking about.

Which I guess she didn’t, she was so drunk that I’m pretty sure she had no idea about anything at all.

“You’re too easy. Too easy, girl.”

She laughed. “I am not easy.”

I grinned at her. “Are you drunk, Charlie?”

Her face became serious for a moment before she put one finger in front of her mouth and whispered. “I’ll have sex with you, Max. But you can’t tell anyone.”

“Anyone at all?”

She giggled. “Not even your mom.”

I laughed to myself. The last person I would be telling was my mom, but sure as fuck Casey and Ronnie would be the very first to find out.

And I couldn’t wait to tell them. I was so anxious to tell them, in fact, that I might’ve accidentally butt dialed Casey and left my phone on the ground, and I might’ve accidentally yelled out Charlie’s name a couple of times.

But those were mere accidents.