Be My Escape

I hated mail.

It was a newfound hate, really, one that someone can only acquire after sorting through pile after pile after endless pile of mail. A publishing house may just get the most mail out of anywhere in the whole world, but maybe I was just bitter.

Beth and I had been sorting through mail for what felt like hours, and honestly just may have been even longer, that Monday morning. The office was surprisingly slow on Monday’s, so there was never much for us interns to do, at least that’s what all the other interns told me. Apparently, my dad had a habit of sending a few of us home early on especially slow Mondays, keeping only two of us around to sort the mail. Of course, this was one of those Mondays, and it was now Beth and I’s turn to be the mail sorters.

“This is such bullshit,” I muttered, mainly to myself, while I was going through a particularly large stack of mail.

Beth chuckled, peering at me over her black plastic framed glasses. “You’re quite the Debbie Downer today aren’t you love?”

I couldn’t disagree. I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before after having a particularly bad dream. It wasn’t just bad, it was different. It wasn’t the same nightmare I always had, and so it freaked me out that much more. I had woken at around three or four in the morning and I couldn’t fall back asleep. So when I finally rolled out of bed to go shower and get ready for work, I had massive bags under my eyes, a huge headache, and a pissy attitude to match.

I shrugged in regards to Beth’s comment. “Rough night?” she asked me, a smirk attached to her face. By now, all the interns knew about Jake and I and whatever we were to each other currently, and everyone was happy for us thankfully. I was lucky I guess—Beth and Sophia could have easily had a huge crush on Jake, which they could end up hating me for snagging him. But neither did. They were just happy.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I mumbled as a yawn escaped from my mouth. I tried to hide it by shoving my face into my arm, but it was too late.

Beth was yawning too when I looked at her. She laughed. “Stupid yawns,” she shook her head with a smile. “So contagious.”

For the next few minutes, we continued to sort through the mail in quiet. As I glanced at Beth out of the corner of my eye, I smiled to myself. She was like me in a lot of ways. Or rather, she was like a version of everything I liked about the old me—my humor, my sarcasm, my feisty-ness—plus the shyness of the new me combined into one person. Add a unique, but still kickass, fashion sense and in a nutshell you had Beth.

Suddenly, Beth was dropping her stack of mail to the ground with a gasp. Her eyes went wide and as she turned to look at me, she had her perfectly manicured hands covering her mouth. “I am so dense!” she exclaimed, but in that quiet way that made what she said sound all the more dramatic.

“What?” I asked, extremely confused and lost. “Beth, what are you—”

“You’re Peyton Helyer, correct?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. She may have thought she was dense, but she wasn’t. Beth was a very smart girl, so she knew very well who I was. “Well, no. I’m Peyton Klein now that my mom’s gotten remarried. But Beth you’ve known me for a week, you knew all this—”

“I am such a twit!” she exclaimed loudly. “You’re Max’s sister, aren’t you?” she pointed a finger at me.

“I’m his step sister, yeah. Why?” I quirked an eyebrow at her, suspicious but still very confused.

“Oh sweet Jesus.” She was quiet now, falling back against the counter for support while she slapped her forehead lightly.

“Wait,” I said, suddenly realizing that I haven’t brought Max up in the whole time I worked there. How did Beth know him?

“I know that lot of mental cases,” she told me with a laugh and an eye roll. She looked as if she wanted to say something more, but didn’t.

“No way!” I exclaimed, dropping my own mail pile on the counter of the mail room while I laughed. “Small world.”

She shrugged, turning back to the counter so we could finish the sorting. We both knew that the sooner we finished, the sooner we could go home. “Not that small. I met Max one day when I first started interning here last year and he was drawn to my wit, charm, and beauty,” she smirked, which made me laugh. “I was one of the only interns here at the time, so I didn’t really have any friends. So Max invited me out one night with his mates and the rest is history, I suppose.”

“You have to come to the party their having this weekend.” Max had told me that the guys were having a tiny party at their flat this Saturday since they were off for the weekend. He clearly didn’t know Beth was still interning there, and if he did I was sure he’d invite her himself. So instead, I just did it myself.

“Oh I don’t know Peyton,” she told me skeptically, concentrating on the pile of mail in her hands.

“Why not? I’ll probably be the only girl, and even if I’m not I don’t know anyone else except the guys and they all ditch me the second alcohol is mentioned,” I told her honestly, referencing the last party we went to. “Jake’s going to come too, so maybe we can invite Sophia and Ricky and make a big old party out of it.” I smiled as I finished sorting my stack of mail. “Come on, Beth. You guys are my only friends here.”

Finishing her own stack, Beth sighed and turned to me, crossing her arms over her cardigan covered body. “Alright, but only because you’re begging.” She smirked to let me know she was kidding, and we both laughed.

I told her I’d call her later and let her know the address of the place the guys were staying in, and then we went back to sorting the mail. I was smiling to myself the entire time because I knew I had just taken a huge step in getting past all the bad stuff. I knew if Amanda were there with me right then, she would have been hugging me and congratulating me on getting past my “pussy attitude”, because that was who Amanda was—blunt, sarcastic, and over all amazing.

A wash of sadness overcame me then as I thought about her, a sadness I couldn’t shake, a sadness I knew all too well.

I sighed and went back to sorting. Suddenly, I had a longing to be home in my own bed.

***

“Max!” I called, knocking impatiently on his door. I had been knocking for several minutes, and no one was answering. “What the hell?” I muttered, hitting the door a few more times. I continued pummeling the door, taking out my frustrations from the day on it.

“Peyton?” someone called me from down the hallway. “What the bloody hell are you doing?”

I turned only to find Josh coming towards me with an irritated look on his face. “Looking for my brother, not that it’s any of your business.” I rolled my eyes and turned to face him, planting my hands on my hips. “Where is he?”

“In the studio, you mental case. We’re tracking guitars today. Didn’t he tell you?”

I pouted and shook my head. “Damn, I had something to tell him.”

“Oh yeah?” he cocked his head to the side as he walked up to the door, shoving his key in the lock and then hitting the door open with his hip. “What?” he called over his shoulder as he walked further into his flat.

I followed, only because he was talking to me and I wasn’t going to stand outside the door while I yelled into the apartment. “One of the girls I intern with said she knows you guys, so I took a risk and invited her to the party on Saturday. I wanted to tell Max because he’d probably rejoice at the fact that I’m making friends,” I told Josh with a roll of my eyes as I walked into the kitchen, where he was now standing in front of the fridge, looking for something.

“You mean friends that aren’t that bloke in the suit, yeah?” Josh retorted with a smirk as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge, shutting it with his foot.

I rolled my eyes. “He has a name, you know. Why don’t you try calling him by his name for once?”

Josh just laughed and brushed by me into the living room, where he collapsed on the couch. As he picked up the remote to turn the TV on, I fell into the recliner sitting diagonal from the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table in the center of it all. “Make yourself comfy, because if you’re waitin’ for Max he won’t be back for a few hours. They just started trackin’.”

I leaned my head back on the chair and closed my eyes. “I don’t care, because I’m exhausted and I could probably fall asleep in this chair,” I told him honestly. It didn’t even bother me that I was alone with Josh, even though he irritated me beyond belief. I was just tired and after the long day I’d had, I wanted to sleep.”

“You look like hell,” Josh commented. “Rough night?”

I didn’t even bother with a retort, and instead just nodded my head slowly. “No sleep,” I mumbled. Obviously this didn’t faze Josh because he didn’t say anymore.

I could feel my body drifting into sleep. It was dangerous, because I knew Jake was coming over in a little bit so we could watch a movie, and I knew if I stayed in that chair any longer I wouldn’t leave. “Kick me out,” I mumbled to Josh, not bothering with opening my eyes.

“’Scuse me?” he said, confused.

I groaned and lifted my head up. “Kick me out, because if you don’t I won’t leave and I’ll probably fall asleep on this chair.”

Josh laughed lightly and shook his head. “Don’ matter to me. You can sleep there if you want. I’m goin’ to be leavin’ soon anyways to get some dinner or somethin’.”

It was weird, because I figured Josh would have kicked me out easily. I assumed he would have been happy to kick me out and would have done all but throw me out into the hallway with his own hands. But he didn’t. He was practically telling me to stay there and sleep, and the weird thing was that I wanted to. I didn’t feel like going back to my own flat, I didn’t feel like having Jake over and make nice conversation with him, because I knew I’d have to paste this fake smile on for Jake.

That was the bad thing about him. He was so smiley and so damn happy all of the time that I hated to show even a little bit of a bad mood, which wasn’t okay. I was me, and I was prone to bad moods these days, especially when I didn’t get any sleep.

But Jake was normal. Jake was nice and, even if I was in a bad mood, he’d cheer me up. He kissed me and he liked me for me, and the best part was he didn’t know about any of my bad baggage. He didn’t know about my past, and I loved that.

So that’s why I dragged myself off the chair with a groan. “No, I gotta go. Jake’s coming over.”

My tone wasn’t happy like it should have been, which made Josh smirk. “Trouble with the happy couple, eh?”

I rolled my eyes, suddenly brought back to reality with one rude comment from the boy next to me. “No, asshole, I’m just tired.” I walked towards the door and threw a wave over my shoulder. “Tell Max what I told you please.”

“What was that?” he asked me absentmindedly, obviously not paying attention.

I rolled my eyes. “Forget it. Later Josh.” With that, I walked across the hall and back into my own flat.

I decided to get a quick shower before Jake showed up so I could try and feel a little better. It didn’t work of course. I changed into a pair of baggy sweatpants and an old black v-neck with holes in random spots. I was comfy though, and that was all that mattered.

Just as I was falling onto the couch in a heap of exhaustion, there was a knock at my door. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I muttered to myself. I pulled my body off the couch and padded over to the door. I didn’t even bother looking because I knew it was probably Jake.

“’Ello love,” he smiled as I opened the door, leaning in to kiss my cheek as he stepped into the apartment.

I forced a smile and said hello back, then turned around and walked back into the living room. I collapsed on the couch for a second time, curling my legs up underneath me and grabbing a pillow to hug close to my body. As Jake took a seat next to me, he noticed my bad mood. “What’s wrong?”

I shrugged. “Rough night,” I told him honestly.

“How come?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Did you bring the movie?” I asked him, trying to change the subject.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked, ignoring my question and my obvious attempt at changing the subject. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest in a huff.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled. He didn’t need to know about my nightmares. Not yet, anyways.

Jake reached out wordlessly and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. He kissed the top of my head and whispered into my hair, “You may not want to talk right now, but you can talk to me anytime Peyton.”

I smiled and snuggled into his side. I may not have wanted to talk about it right then, but I had a feeling, eventually, Jake would be someone I could trust to talk to and confide in, and it felt really, really nice.