Be My Escape

"Peyton!" Matt called out, waving hello over-enthusiastically. The smile on his face told me he was happy to see me, but the look on Josh's face was not the same.

"It'll be alright love," Max said to me quietly as we made our way over to the tent.

I wasn't so sure he was right, but I nodded anyways. When we got to their tent, Matt came out from behind the table to hug me. "What are you doing here?" he asked me curiously after we separated from our embrace.

I glanced at Josh tentatively, only to find him still staring at me in shock and anger. I brought my attention back to Matt and tried to smile. "Missed you guys," I told him with a shrug. "I couldn't very well miss my brother's first US performance could I?"

Josh scoffed from behind Matt. "Bullocks," he muttered under his breath before turning around and leaving the tent in a huff.

I sighed. "He took that better than expected," I half joked. The tears burning the backs of my eyes suggested I felt anything other than happy, but I hid that well. At least, I thought I did.

"He's just confused, Peyt. He's been trying to move on for the past month and he's been doing alright. But now all of a sudden you're back and he doesn't know what to do," Max told me, patting my shoulder to comfort me. It didn't work though.

I couldn't help but feel a sting when Max said Josh was moving on. I didn't want him to move on. I wanted him back more than anything, but that didn’t sound like it was going to happen anytime soon.

From beside me, Max pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, putting a stick between his lips and lighting it before inhaling deeply. I sighed. “Wish you wouldn’t smoke,” I said quietly.

He shrugged. “I know, but you also make my life absolutely mental so I can’t help it.” The grin on his face suggested otherwise, and the wink he threw my way told me he was joking.

I just rolled my eyes and laughed, shoving him lightly before turning to Matt. “So how long do you guys have before you play or go do whatever it is you have to do?”

Max pulled his phone out and checked the time. “It’s almost nine now, so we have until eleven before we have to go find our stage and set up and stuff.”

I nodded. “So now what?”

Matt smirked. “Let’s go explore, yeah?”

***

We ended up walking around the whole grounds, saying hello to various bands and meeting new people. It was nice for the guys because they were going to have to spend the next month with these people. For me though, it was just more people I was meeting. As I had said before, I really didn’t need that.

I grinned and bared it though because Max and Matt thought I was enjoying the whole thing. It was nice to meet some of their friends, even if I’d be saying goodbye in a few days. I tried to push that thought aside and tried to have a good time.

After we grabbed some quick breakfast at catering, Matt hurried off to make sure Oli, the merch guy, was set and that everyone else was awake and ready for the set in an hour. Max and I decided to take the alone time to walk and talk.

“So, you’re leaving when?” Max asked.

“I’ll be here today and tomorrow, and then I’m leaving early in the morning after that.”

Max sighed, but was silent. I knew something was bugging him though because he was never silent. “What’s up, Max?”

“Just don’t want you to go,” he shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want you to have to go back to Boston.”

“Aw!” I exclaimed, stopping Max to hug him. I laughed when he pulled away quickly, disgusted with my over-enthusiasm. “You’re a good big-bro, Max.”

He just rolled his eyes. “We should probably get to the stage since doors are opening soon and we play even sooner.”

I nodded in agreement, even though this meant I was going to have to face Josh now. I wanted to put that off for as long as possible, but that wouldn’t be happening any time soon obviously. So, with a sigh, I followed Max towards the Kevin Says Stage, where the guys would be performing soon. When we got backstage so to speak, everything was crazy. People were running around setting up, the guys were warming up and trying to get rid of their nerves.

“Okay, you’ll be side-stage,” Max told me quickly. “We only have like a seven song set so it won’t be very long. Once its over we can go check some more bands out or whatever, alright?”

I smiled and nodded. “I’ll be fine, bro. Go warm up or whatever. And good luck!”

He smiled before hurrying off, and I walked over to where Max had told me side-stage was. There were a few other guys there and a few girls, but not many people. I gave everyone a small smile and found myself a comfortable spot.

When the guys finally came on, it was exhilarating. Even though this was their first US tour, so to speak, they still had an amazing crowd. I tried to just watch the other guys, but I couldn’t help but watch Josh since this was the first time I was seeing them perform.

“’ello Chicago! We’re You Me at Six from Surrey, England!”

Almost immediately, the guys started playing and Josh smiled. Except it wasn’t a smile. It was a smirk, a devilish smirk, and he was directing it at me. “This is Save It for the Bedroom, and I dedicate it to any whores out there. Let’s jam!”

My heart twisted as I listened to the lyrics. I knew they weren’t written about me because this was an older song, and therefore they couldn’t have been about me. But they hurt all the same, because I had a strange feeling the boy singing them was thinking of me with every vicious word he spat.

With each song, the twisting in my stomach just got worse and worse. I couldn’t tell if it was turning to anger or not, but regardless, I was not happy when their set finished. I wanted to confront Josh and yell at him and tell him he had no right indirectly yelling at me via songs. I still hadn’t done anything wrong, despite what he had been wrongly told and stupidly believed. I didn’t have time though, because before I could even get my thoughts together coherently, Josh was brushing by me. I glared at his back as he went, silently fuming, when Max came up to me with Dan, Matt, and Chris. “So what’d you think?” Max asked enthusiastically.

I faked a smile and nodded. “It was amazing. You guys are going to blow up before you know it.”

Max grinned, obviously happy with my response, and I just smiled back. “So what now?”

Dan laughed. “Now we get out of this heat and go relax. Later though,” he informed me, draping his sweaty self over my shoulder, “we party.”

***

Dan was not kidding in the slightest.

Once the sun set and the day was over, the bus area turned into a big party. Some buses had card tables set up for make-shift poker tournaments, while others had tables set up for beer pong and various other drinking games. Music was playing and some people had acoustic guitars out and were jamming on those.

I just followed Dan and Max around dumbly, my eyes wide like a kid on Christmas. I don’t even know why, but the whole Warped scene was amazing me, and I was loving every second of it.

We stopped at the Architects bus first and got drinks. We talked for awhile, but I got bored quickly. Even though the guys had only been on Warped for a day, they were already making friends left and right. I tapped Dan on the shoulder and told him I was going to go explore. So with my drink in hand, off I went.

I should have known this would end badly. Everything else seemed to go that way, so why not this too? But I was stupid, and maybe getting a little buzzed from the extremely strong alcohol Max had poured for me, so my guard was down so to speak.

I wasn’t expecting to (literally) run into Josh. I wasn’t expecting him to climb off of their bus so fast. I also wasn’t expecting him to be with some blonde bimbo. I really wasn’t expecting the red plastic cup in my hands to fall to the ground, splashing Miss Bimbo with the suspicious red drink.

“Oh crap!” I exclaimed, feeling somewhat bad.

She glared at me, and instantly my sympathetic feelings disappeared. Turning to Josh, she grabbed his arm lightly and said, “I’ll be back, going to go change,” before hurrying off as fast as her heels would let her.

Then it was Josh’s turn. “Way to be classy, Peyt,” he spat at me.

Almost instantly, my anger from earlier returned. “Oh fuck you Joshua. I didn’t spill the drink on purpose. But speaking of, who’s the new fuck buddy?” I hissed, glaring at him with fire in my eyes. Two could play this game.

“That’s real rich, Peyton,” he laughed bitterly. “I’m the one with the fuck buddy?” he asked, pointing to himself as he took a step closer. “Although I guess you’d know, since that was your favorite game to play.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a fucking idiot, Josh.”

“Right back at you, Peyton.”

We were inches apart, just as we had been during our last encounter in England. I could feel the heat from the metal of the bus radiating onto my back from behind me. The faint smell of alcohol was on Josh’s breath just as it was on mine, which I guess is why what happened next happened.

His lips were on mine faster than you could say fuck buddy. It was just as panicked and sloppy as it had been the last time, if not more so. And this time, we were both under the influence, at least a little bit.

It was rough too. My arms wrapped around his neck tightly while his fingertips dug into my hips, my tank top riding up ever so slightly so he could run his hands over the exposed skin. My hands went for his hair, as they always did, and tugged it rather roughly. He groaned, but his lips didn’t leave mine.

We stumbled around the bus, reaching an area where we weren’t exposed to the world before continuing. His lips attached to my neck and his hands roamed under my shirt while I continued tugging his hair, earning small moans from him each time I did.

Just as he was reaching the one spot on my neck that drove me absolutely insane and I let out a little moan of my own, it stopped just as quickly as it started. He was pulling away quickly, taking his hands off of me and leaving me leaning against the bus, my shirt all twisted and my lips swollen.

“God dammit Peyton!” he yelled. “Stop that!”

“Stop what?” I asked helplessly, because for once I didn’t know what I had done.

“Stop… pulling me in like that! I’m fuckin’ tryin’ my hardest to get over you, just as I said before I left your flat that night. I wasn’t kidding, Peyton. I’m done with you, alright? I can’t even fuckin’ be around you without gettin’ pulled back in. So I just want you to fucking stay away, alright?”

He wasn’t yelling now, he was just begging me.

I couldn’t help it, I started to cry. “I don’t want to forget you, Josh.”

The fire in his eyes returned. “Too bloody bad. You ruined everything when you lied about everything,” he spat.

And then just like that, he was leaving.

And then just like that, I was falling apart all over again.

This time though, it probably was my fault, but there was still nothing I could do about it.