And I'm Paralyzed

Gerard:

I stared at my mom. How the hell was I supposed to answer her questions about my brother and my own physical relationship? She had been accepting up until this point, but I don't think any kid wants to spend his time discussing his sex life with his mom.

Especially when the only sex life you have if with your own brother...

At least she was okay with it... For now. Would she still be okay with it if Mikey and I... went all the way?

“Come on, Gerard. At least tell me how it was. And who gave.” My mom pushed.

I shuddered, “Mom! Seriously?! Why are you interested?”

“Because I'm your mother!”

I glared at the floor, an intense mental war being waged in the confines of my mind:

Tell her! She let you do it in the first place!

Why the hell should I?! I don't ask her about her love life!

Because it nauseates you!

True enough.

“Er...” I whispered, thinking quickly, “I plead the fifth.”

My mom laughed and shook her head, “You'll have to tell me eventually.”

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room and into the family room. I was surprised at the lack of Mikey, well, I had been surprised to wake up alone, but I wanted to see him. I wandered up the stairs and to my brothers room, knocking softly on the door.

“Come in...”

I opened the door and slipped around it, closing it again behind me. My beautiful brother was sprawled out on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was a pastime of his, just staring at things. I used to have a problem where I just had to know what he was thinking when he did it, and I would ask him relentlessly until he gave up and told me. Now I just sat down on his bed.

I crawled over to him, sitting down with my back against the headboard of his bed. I gently pulled him into my lap and played with locks of brown hair, staring into his eyes, “You okay?”

The question was unanswered for a long moment before Mikey whispered, “Ya. I'm fine. Gee?”

“Yes Kitty?”

There was another long silence. I wondered what was going through his head. I noticed him shaking lightly, and I leaned down to kiss his forehead. As I straightened up, I noticed he was avoiding my eyes.

“Mikey, baby,” I murmured comfortingly, “What is it?”

“W-Will you have s-sex with me?”

I stared at him, totally caught off guard by the question. Did I want to have sex with him? Ohh, yes. Did I want to take his virginity? No, I'm not worthy of that.

Thus I had a predicament on my hands. He was my brother, making it both illegal and morally wrong, but that hasn't stopped me yet. I've had a burning passion for him for a year, and I have longed for him in very sexual ways, including physical love, and now he wanted it too. So why not?

You can't take his virginity. You can't.

As much as I wanted him, he needed to lose his virginity to someone who he could love, who was whole and beautiful and could give him babies to love and nurture. Not a broken, mentally-off social reject who could ruin his life, who he could never really love. I felt so torn apart. My instinct was to give into my wants. My goal was to give him what he wants. That were now the same thing, but they were united against a solid belief so strong it seemed impossible to tell which would rein victorious.

Mikey seemed disheartened by my silence. He glanced up at me nervously, squirming slightly, “I... Sorry, Gery. Forget I said anything...”

“No, Mikes, I'm just.... I'm thinking. I... I do want to make love to you. You are everything I've wanted in so long. But I do not want to take your virginity.” I explained.

“But Gee!” Mikey said suddenly, “I want you to take my virginity! I want you to have it forever!”

I felt my face redden. If only he knew how adorable and sweet he was, “Mikes, your virginity is supposed to go to the person you want to spend your life with, the person who you'll love unconditionally and who can be with you and who you want. I'm just... I'm just Gerard.”

Mikey sat up, shifting his position so he was sitting in my lap. He pressed his lips to my ear and whispered, “What if I want to spend my life with, love unconditionally and be with 'just Gerard'? When are you going to realize you are my everything now? I love you and there isn't anything you can do about it. There is no being alive I would rather lose my virginity to.”

The words warmed my heart. Despite that, the stupidest words that came to my mind first spilled from my mouth, “Not even Raptor-Jesus?”

“Nope,” He said, shaking his head and pressing his face into my neck, “Not even Raptor-Jesus.”

“Mikey, dear, the reason I don't want to have sex with you is because you could do so much better than me! There are beautiful men and women in the world you can have as your own, who aren't related to you, some of which can carry your children! I'm not worth it, really.”

Suddenly, an evil yet absolutely stunning smile formed on his face, “Mmm, Gee, I think you forgot that I can get whatever I want out of you.”

“How's that?”

Mikey shifted himself slightly so he was straddling me and slowly ground his hips against mine, leaning in and sucking and licking my neck teasingly. I whimpered, “O-okay, you've proven your point... now stop it before I get a boner...”

He giggled into my neck, his good hand doing the same thing it had at dinner last night and drawing circles over the bulge in my pants, “Gery... Have sex with me... You know your body wants me... Think of it... You could be inside me... It would feel soo good... I'm tight...”

I was shivering quite hard now, doing everything in my power to hold on to my self control, because once it was gone, the game was over. He was very, very good at being persuasive. I wanted him so very badly, which wasn't at all helped by his body against mine.

“M-Mikey... please... Stop it...”

But he knew very well I loved being teased. Somehow, he slipped one hand under my boxers and was just starting to touch me when a loud knock sounded at the door. Mikey ripped himself away from me, panting softly and falling back onto his bed.

A moment later, Mom shouted through the door about Mikey missing a phone call from Frank. Smirking at me, Mikey stood and walked to his door, casting a glance back at me as he reached it.

“You know Gerard,” He said, “I love you to death, but I'm going to win this one. Your body and mine are working against you...”