Lovers Lost In Space, Just Searching For Our Saving Grace

I don’t know how long I stayed there with Autumn’s arms holding me tightly. For all I knew, it could have been hours. When the tears finally stopped flowing, I looked up at my younger sister with what I knew were bloodshot eyes.

Her arms tightened the slightest bit. I must have looked worse than I thought I did. Of course, Autumn being Autumn, she said straight out, “Can I kick his ass?” It made me smile a little bit, even though I knew she was being serious. I shook my head in answer.

The slightest pout adorned her face, but she didn’t argue. “Do you wanna talk about it?” I shook my head quickly, burying face back into the space between her jaw and her collarbone. Her hands immediately found their way into my hair. She knew by now how to calm me down.

“Okay, okay. But I’m not letting you out of my sight. You know why,” she told me sternly, worry tingeing her voice. I nodded slightly. I knew exactly why she wanted to be able to see me at all times, I just didn’t want to admit it.

“Can we go walk?” I barely recognized my own voice. Right now it was raspy and weak sounding. Autumn stood up instantly, helping me to my feet.

“Come on honey. Let’s go to the park. No one will be there,” she said, pulling me to the door gently by my wrist. I followed quietly, feeling numb.

It was raining lightly outside, but it didn’t bother either of us. At least, if it did bother Autumn, there were no signs of it. We just pulled our hoods up and walked silently to the park. Her hand was tightly intertwined with mine, leaving my fingers feeling slightly numb. I didn’t protest though, it was her way of reassuring herself that I was okay.

After a few minutes, I twitched my fingers slightly and Autumn let go of my hand quickly. “Oh, sorry honey,” she said hurriedly. I nodded slightly, but nothing audible came out. I felt no need to talk at this point. I knew she understood.

This time she wrapped her arm around my shoulders, instead of restricting circulation in my fingers. Of course, her usual childishness had to kick in eventually.

The second she saw the swings, she bolted, running to take one for herself and reserve another for me. My pace was much slower as I followed her, my thoughts miles away at a small, poster covered room belonging to-

I physically flinched away from the thought, cutting myself off. No, I told myself sternly, don’t think about it. But it wasn’t my voice speaking, it was his. A shudder ran through me, remembering the events of the past few hours.

Slowly, I slid to the ground, taking in everything but seeing nothing. Autumn, the worried look on her face as she stopped swinging; the small happy little kids that ran around the playground. But all the while replaying in my head was the image of his furious and disgusted face as he stormed out of my room.

I attempted to will the image away by closing my eyes, but that only added to the agonizing emotional pain. Now I could hear the last few words he had screamed at me.

Distantly, I heard Autumn’s voice asking if I was okay. The strength seemed to leak out of me, and I couldn’t move my jaw to form a word, let alone move my head. She shook me gently, then harder when I didn’t respond. “Come on Danny, don’t bail on me now,” she mumbled, more to herself than me.

Finally, I found the strength to open my eyes and form words. “S-saw it all a-again,” I stuttered out slowly. She bit her lip sadly, wrapping me in a tight hug.

“Danny.. He hurt you bad this time. Are you getting the other flashbacks again?” The worry was evident in her voice and in the way her arms tightened around me the slightest bit. I shook my head quickly at the thought. “Good. Tell me if you do, okay?” I nodded slowly in response.

The thought struck me that it was times like these when you couldn’t tell who was the older sibling. Some big brother I am, I thought darkly.

“Let’s go home, okay? You’re worrying all the crazy moms here.” With that said, she got to her feet, reaching out a hand to help me up. I rose weakly and we walking silence. It was thick and heavy, especially considering the tension my recent episode had caused and Autumn’s desire to know the specific details of what had happened. But she would just have to be patient.