Things Could Be Better, but They Could Be a Whole Lot Worse

Chapter 12
It had been two weeks since I had seen any of the boys. This included not even going to see my cousin John, this was because I was always constantly worried that the boys would walk in, that they would tell me they hated me and I just couldn’t deal with all that. Especially not from Garrett.

To say I didn’t miss him would be a lie; well to say I didn’t miss any of them is a lie in itself. I honestly hadn’t had any fun like the kind I experienced with them in my life, and I regret telling John that I didn’t want to see them.

But we then learn that things happen for a reason, and even though it hurts, it will help us in the long run. But even though I knew this, I couldn’t help wish that my heart wasn’t being hacked to shreds every single day. That I didn’t feel complete.

This was the only time I am thankful that I go to a different school, and that I can throw myself into homework to try and stop my mind thinking about him. But this bittersweet victory can only last for another week or so until we leave for summer.

I groaned running my hand across my face, sitting up on my bed.
“Stop dwelling on him, he doesn’t care, he only thought of you as a friend” I snapped at myself, getting sick that every constant thought I had usually involved him.

He wasn’t in my life anymore and I needed to get over it. To get over him. It wasn’t even like we had a relationship; all we did was share a kiss. A kiss that made my knees weak and made me fall for him even more, before I was a fool and ran away from him.

Sometimes late at night i imagine “what if…” like what if I met him under different circumstances? What if I wasn’t John’s cousin? What if I didn’t kiss him and run away? What if I didn’t love him?

My thoughts ran wild in my head, leaving me lying in my bed in a bitter pool of bittersweet sadness, the cool depressing liquid soothing me into a slippery unconscious state, where around every corner his face appeared, haunting me and cutting into my heart.

Even on my best days i was miserable. Sadness nibbling away slowly at my heart, blunt teeth ripping me to shreds, before the gnawing became faster and harder, guilt becoming ferocious and angry, not happy in the slightest until I’ve been ripped to shreds.

It had been two weeks since I’ve seen him. Two weeks since I’ve locked myself away in my dismal room, not leaving unless it was for school and it was only then was I content. My mind losing all trails of thought leading to him, being replaced with words that will not be any use to me in the future.

But it seemed like all this was going to change, especially with my mums plans to make me more social.

“Logan, help Tyler get dressed” my mother demanded, opening my door and giving me a stern look. Not taking my anti-socialness for a second longer.

“Why?” I asked but it sounded more like a whiny beg. Her eyes narrowed at me as she stood there, her hands on her hips making me feel like I was 4 again.

“Because it is your aunt’s BBQ and you are going!” she said stressing the words out as I inwardly groaned, pulling myself off my bed and heading to my sisters room.

Of course my Aunt was having a BBQ, the one she had thrown every year since before John was born, claiming that she threw only the best parties the neighbourhood had ever heard of.

The only good thing about the BBQ was that I would be able to see John, something I have neglected doing for the past few weeks. He would probably be mad at me for not visiting him, but he knew the reason I did it, so I wouldn’t have to face Garrett. Not after I had embarrassed myself by kissing him and running away. Not even giving him an explanation. But I couldn’t face him and this wasn’t the type of think you just do in an email.

I sat on the faded baby blue wooden deck chairs, starring carelessly at the pond, watching the fish swim round and round in circles trying to stay in the nice cool shaded area.

I’d already been at this BBQ for the past hour and a half, with John nowhere to be seen, thus leaving me in this deck chair, staring at the fish, nursing my only drink of the night so far.

“Logan, why don’t you go and help yourself to some food while its warm?” my mum said with a kind smile, as I attempted to give her one back, before pulling myself out of my seat and walked to the table filled with food, my eyes trained to the floor.

I honestly didn’t realise how hungry I was until I got closer to the table and could smell the food, my tummy rumbling uncontrollably at the scents. I grabbed one of my aunts chipped floral dinner plates before entirely covering it with potato salad, bbq chicken, potato wedges and pork kebabs.

Not even waiting till I got back into my seat, I shoved a forkful of potato salad into my mouth, smiling to myself as I heard conversation behind me, not bothering to turn around and be social but instead placing a hearty bight of chicken in my mouth.

“Ah boys , I would like you to meet John’s favourite cousin” my aunt said, from behind me as she approached the table, I swallowed, taking another bite of chicken before she touched my shoulder, to get my attention so I could turn around and greet her guests. “This is Logan” She said with a smile as she pulled me into a one armed hug.

I smiled slightly to the floor, before looking up my draw dropping slightly as I saw the shocked faces.

“I’ll leave you to get to know each other” and with that my aunt left, leaving me with four shocked boys wanting answers.

“Wait you’re John’s cousin? I thought you were his girlfriend?” Pat exclaimed, looking like his puppy died but he got told he was still allowed to keep it.

“This is some Jerry Springer shit” Kennedy said with a slight smile, nudging Garrett who didn’t say anything, all he could do was stare at me in shock. Did I repulse him that bad? Was I that bad at kissing?

“Hey Guys!” John called, finally arriving at his own party, before he noticed me, and then the boys shocked face, his jaw slackened.

“John why is Logan you’re girlfriend but also your cousin?” Jared asked his nose wrinkling slightly.

“John needed a date to the Prom so he didn’t look like a douche to all you guys, so he begged me to be his date so he could make Charity jealous. Then you guys liked me and everything got out of control and I decided to leave your lives for good” I said, as Johns cheeked turn red, embarrassed that he had been caught out.

“So all this was a set up?” Garrett asked, finally saying something, his voice making me smile slightly.

“Yeah, but then Logan started to like Garrett so she decided to make it look like she was breaking up with me so everything wouldn’t be awkward” John concluded, as I glared at him, mad at him for telling everyone my secret. Even though they all probably knew I did since I kissed him and made a fool of myself.

“See I told you she liked you Garrett, and you still made as do those silly plans to try and get her to like you!” Kennedy laughed, finding the whole matter rather amusing, this time causing Garrett to blush.
“Shut the fuck up Kennedy“ He said, attempting to sound tough but failing miserably as I just smiled at him, my first true smile in weeks.

“Garrett you liked Logan?!” John chortled, a smile cracking on his face, as he lightened everyone’s mood. And to be honest, I didn’t think it was possible for Garrett’s cheeks to even possibly get any redder.

“No. I mean yes. I mean you tricked me! You said she was your girlfriend but she was your cousin! You lied to your friends. You’re a mean person John Cornelius O’Callaghan” Garrett stumbled over his words, before pouting at John tugging his hair slightly at the end in embarrassment.

“Logan you liked Garrett? I thought you loved me?!” Pat whined, pulling on my hand as I grinned widely at him.

“Of course I love you Patrick, you’re by far my favourite boy in Arizona” I stated as I stroked his hair, he smiled proudly at the boys as Kennedy and Jared snicked at them, John pouting slightly. “That’s not a family member” I added quickly causing John to smirk.

“Ha Garrett! Pat’s stole your girl” Kennedy said pointing at Garrett and jumping up and down, his cheek still tinged red.

“She’s not my girl” He mumbled, glancing at the floor as I tried not to frown slightly and instead wrapping my arms around instead wrapping my arms around Kennedy as he pulled me in a hug, burying my face in his shirt. “Yet” He added with a cheeky grin, as the other boys chuckled.

“Dude that’s my cousin!” John whined as I rolled my eyes at him, still clinging onto Kenny tightly, not wanting to make a fool out of myself.

“Logan, don’t you have anything to say?” Jared asked, as I shook my head as Kenny chuckled, his chest vibrating against my face.

“Well, err, you’re not making this easy for me, when you’re not even looking at me” Garrett started before stopping abruptedly as I peeked at him from under my hair, to see him giving the boys sharp looks, as they rolled their eyes before leaving to go and sit on the chair I was previously sat on. Kennedy pulling away as I whined slightly he chuckled, patting my head before following the guys.

“Logan, why didn’t you tell me you was Johns cousin?” he said sighing as I shrugged, he ran through his hands through his hair, I turned and glanced sideways, butterflies erupting in my stomach.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have left that day, I was just so confused! I’ve liked you pretty much since Prom, and then you kiss my and I felt bad because I thought you was Johns girlfriend” he said as I just stared at the rose bush next to me, focusing on the different shades of colours blending into one, focusing on the beauty of such a simple object instead of the awkward situation that was going to unravel in front of me.

“Logan, please look at me” he said, his fingers hooking under my chin, turning me to face him, and it was only then I realised how close he was to me. His face inches from mine, his warm breath hinting my cheek as I stared into his eyes.

“Garrett” I started before stopping, unsure of how to word it as he looked at me, his finger tracing against my jaw softly, as the words stumbled and crumbled in my mind. “I’m sorry” I stuttered, closing my eyes, finally feeling myself let go of the guilt I had been feeling.

“Lo, you have nothing to apologise for unless you say no when I ask you to be my girlfriend in about two minutes” he said with a smirk, as I chuckled slightly as he pressed his forehead against mine, one hand moving to lightly hold my waist and pull me against him.

“So Logan Lottea Laraway how about it? Wanna be my girl?” he asked as I chuckled slightly at his words.

“Well Garrett Daniel Nickelsen, I’m sorry to break this to you, but I think I just might say yes” I replied, as he just beamed at me pulling me closer, before gently placing his lips upon mine.

“Oh my life, thank god! I didn’t think that could get any sicker” John h exclaimed as he pulled away from me, instead pulling me into a tight hug, i laid my head against his shoulder, blushing madly.

“Shut up John!” I muttered as Garrett chuckled, his chest vibrating slightly making me smile as I took in his scent, instantly feeling secure.

“Yeah John! It could have been sicker, we could of read Garrett’s diary” Kennedy chuckled as Garrett reached over and punched Kennedy on the shoulder lightly.

“So does this mean your back in our lives now, Logey?” Pat asked grinning as I smiled, nodding, feeling like I belonged for once.