Don't Stop Now

The end of the day and most of the bands were packing up their equipment and shoving them into their little trailers. But some of the cooler bands stuck around and made a bonfire right in the middle of the parking lot. I had changed into a pair of denim shorts and my gray hoodie. The sun had just set and the sky was s mixture of dark blue, red, and orange. Just the feeling of the summer breeze and the cool people I was surrounded by made me feel infinite.

It was 10 o’clock and I had just found out that there was no show the next day because we were driving back home, also known as Arizona. Although tour wasn’t over yet, I was still extremely happy to be able to visit my parents and hopefully get to sleep in my bed, even if it would only be for 10 minutes. I honestly thought my neck was so cramped that I couldn’t even feel the pain anymore. I needed my Tempur-Pedic bed.

I looked around the group of people I was around and smiled. It was days like this that always made my summer 110% better. I hardly got the see them, but I was glad that we were close like this. John and Jared were at my sides, playing guitar and singing. Kennedy sat across from me and kept the fire lit. Pat was laughing at the funny things Max and Vito were doing while Tim came back holding a case of Miller Lights.

“Who wants one?” He asked, and immediately all hands went one, except Garrett’s, Pat’s and mine of course. Tim wouldn’t let me touch a can or bottle whenever he was around. But what he didn’t know was that I’ve been drunk 3 times with John and Kenny in the past.

Joking around, I reached out for a Miller, but Tim pulled it away. “What do you think you’re doing?” The guys started laughing and I held up the middle finger to all of them. “Fuck all of you guys!” Then I laughed afterward.

Garrett was playing on his phone during the whole time. I haven’t really spoken to him all day, except the time when I was running to watch The Summer Set. After that, it was like he tried to stay out of my way or something. I shrugged it off as I laid my head John’s shoulder as he started to softly sing, ‘We All Roll Along…’

I watched as Pat nudged Garrett’s side, telling him to get off his phone and join in on the sing-a-long. John was already singing his heart out as if he were doing another show, but I couldn’t blame him; this song was so meaningful and so beautiful, how could you not sing your heart out? My eyes fixed on Garrett, which I hope he didn’t notice. He shook his head and kept looking down at his phone. His fingers tapped the screen and then he looked up at me, catching my eyes.

I automatically turned away and joined in with the rest of the guys.

8123 means everything to me.
Take me back to the parking lots, the sleep we fought, and all the places we got caught.
This place will always be part of me.
Yeah, you’re all a part of me.

Just don’t forgot this
We won’t regret this
We’ve got once chance to get it right

As soon as I was about to cry out the chorus, I felt my phone vibrate.

Garrett Nickelsen
Can we go talk somewhere? In private?

I looked up at the boy and nodded. He got up first and gave him 5 seconds to walk away from the campfire and towards one of the buses. Then, I stood up and left the circle. As soon as I turned my back, Kennedy called out, “Where you going?” I turned back around and said, “I need to pee. I’ll be back.”

Kennedy nodded his head. I felt horrible; I needed to tell him that I loved Garrett. I hated how I was acting towards everybody. It was like my own little SOAP drama. Unfortunately, I didn’t have commercials and everything that was happening… was real. No script, and these people weren’t just the kind of people I worked with, I lived with them. I was also considered a Drama Queen, so it kind of works out.

My back turned on everyone as I followed Garrett onto the bus. I saw that nobody else was in there, just him and I.

Garrett was sitting on the couch with his arm stretched out along the top and his legs crossed over the other. He looked up at me and gave me a soft smile. He motioned his hand over to the couch, but I just stood there at the doorway awkwardly.

“Why,” I started, “are you acting like such a dick?”

His eyes widened. The boy stood up and walked over to me, hands in his pockets. “That’s what you ask me? I kindly ask you to come and talk and you’re calling me a dick?”

I stared at him. “Well, considering that since you only talked to me once this whole day? Yeah, you’re a dick.”

“Whatever. Look, I need to tell you something.” Garrett said.

I gave him a nod and crossed my arms across my chest. The look on his face was sincere as he started speaking, “I’m sorry. I admit it I am a dick for just leaving you like that on the bathroom floor. There was just so many things running through my head, I didn’t know what to do.” He grabbed my hand,” Norah, you’re my best friend no doubt. I love you for being there and for supporting us when no one else did. You helped us become who we are today and it’s surprising that you haven’t changed one bit. I.. I just..” he stopped.

“You don’t love me like how I love you?” I asked, my voice sounded so sad and broken.

Garrett looked down at the ground and said nothing more.

Silence was now between us. Could I still be best friends with him? I couldn’t look at him and I tried so hard not to cry. I could already feel my eyes fill up with tears, but I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I turned away and walked to the door. Garrett’s footsteps behind me and then his hand touched my elbow, “Norah…”

I turned around and lifted my hands up to his chest. Shaking my head, I said, “No… just no...”

I left him there. Once I walked outside and shut the door behind me, I released all tears and didn’t care. I ran towards the closet place that was away from all buses and all form of living, breathing human beings. From this point, the sun was completely out of sight and the night sky was currently above us. Stars were now making their marks and the moon was visible from where I was standing. I could still hear the guys laughing and singing songs; I wanted to join them, but I didn’t want to be questioned.

There was a table set out right in the middle of nowhere. I lied across the top of it and stared up at the star-filled sky. The best part of his venue was that it was next to a nice suburb area where there was no traffic. So, all I was hearing was the laughter coming from the guys.

My phone was lying on my stomach and soon it vibrated.

Patrick
Where are you?

I replied because I really did want him to be with me.

I’m on a table behind all of the buses. Close to the gates. Hurry.

Just a few minutes later, I heard Pat’s obnoxious nose wiping and breathing. I picked up my head and saw him walking my way. He grinned and slipped his phone into his pocket. Pat jumped up on the table and sat down next to me. “What are you doing here?”

“If I tell you something, you promise not to tell Tim?”

Pat reached out his pinky, waiting for me to lock it. “Promise.”

We locked pinkies and I told him, “I love Garrett. Ever since you first brought him home when you two were in 5th grade. I’ve loved him all this time, in secret. I told him last night and just right now I found out he doesn’t love me back.”

“Wow,” my brothers eyes widened. “But what about those 2 boyfriends you had?”

I looked at the ground. “I loved them both. Just not how I love Garrett.”

Pat leaned over and gave me a hug. Unlike Tim, Pat was more of a comforting brother. He gave me more hugs than anyone in the world. I never, ever denied a hug from him. He was also there at the right time offering a hug. “So what are you going to do?”

I thought. “Ignore him. I don’t know. I can’t talk to him right now.”

“Well, give him some time. Try not to get too close to him.”

My head shook. “Patrick, we’re on the same bus. How could I not get too close to him?”

“True. Well, just… just… I don’t know. I’m sorry. Always ask Tim for advice.” He said.

I shrugged my shoulders and nodded. Pat took out his phone and grabbed my hand. “Come on, we’re leaving now. Long drive back to Arizona. The guys just took out the fire and the parking lot is locking up in 30 minutes.” He jumped off the table and reached for my hand. I took it and wrapped my arm around his waist while his arm went over my shoulder.

We walked over to the buses to see all the guys saying ‘See Ya’ and ‘Text Me Later’ to the other band guys. Artist vs Poet, A Rocket to the Moon, and We The Kings all left to their own buses as well. Unfortunately, The Summer Set had set out on the road a little earlier than the rest of us. I wanted to see John, but I guess I had to wait.

“See ya Norah!” I heard Travis call out. I turned to wave and say goodbye. It was such a privilege to be friends with all these people. They are so close, we’re like family and it was always nice to get phone calls and texts from them just because they wanted to see how I was doing.

Pat left me once we got to the guys. I walked over to Tim and clung myself onto his chest. “I feel horrible.” His hand pressed against my forehead. “You don’t feel sick.”

“I’m sick in the fucking heart.”

Tim looked down at me and raised an eyebrow. “What do you want to do?”

I took a step back and licked the top of my lip. “I’ve decided that once we make it back in Arizona, I’m going to stay home. I can’t do this anymore.”

“You’re done?”

I nodded. “I’m done. I don’t want to be here anymore. Once we travel through Gilbert, drop me home.”