Saving Grace

I stopped dead in my tracks when I glanced around the room filled with males. To be honest, it was a little intimidating for me to waltz in there and sit in on their conversation.

I rubbed my arm nervously before sitting on the shorter of the two sofas beside Shane.

John shot me a smile from his seat on the floor across the room and I hesitantly smiled back.

"I feel bad," Jay suddenly said after a few minutes of mindless chatter.

I turned my attention to him and raised an eyebrow. I was suddenly alert and paranoid, since his dark eyes were looking directly at me.

"Why?" I asked.

"You and Nick have been friends for a long time and you two haven't even had the chance to talk to each other."

I felt my shoulders start to tense, sensing where Jay was going with this. I looked to Nick who was sitting on the couch with John at his feet. "We are talking."

Not directly to one another but nevertheless talking.

Jay shot the both of us serious looks when Nicolas agreed with me.

-----

I found myself outside with Nick shortly after.

I don't know how it happened but it was awkward to say the least.

He was leaning against the railing as I perched myself on the top step and stared at my hands in my lap. I noticed that I could use a good manicure once again but at the moment, I could really care less about that.

Nick cleared his throat. It was a strange sound to me in the moments of uncomfortable silence with the exception of his shoes kicking the wood lightly. I glanced up at him as he started to speak. "So... How have you been lately?"

How have I been lately? Hm... there's a million things that I could say.

"Good," I replied before turning my attention back to my hands.

"That's nice."

I rolled my eyes though he couldn't see. "How have you been?" I asked, partly out of curiosity and part politeness.

"Good," he replied easily. Another long silence surrounded us and he let out a sigh. "Amelia, can we not do this?"

"Do what?" I asked, not bothering to look up.

"This; the tense conversations and awkward silences... We can be mature about this."

I rolled my eyes once again. It's not like I wanted us to act like we were. It was just natural with a break up. Though I did have to admit that I was still a little bitter over the whole thing.

"I'm sure we can," I replied.

I knew that his eyes were now narrowed. "Amelia-"

I sighed lightly and pulled myself up from the porch. "I can't do this Nicholas, I wish I could but I just, I can't. I hate dancing around the truth," I admitted, dusting the back of my thighs off. I finally looked to him. "Did you find a place to stay yet? Back in Braintree?" I asked to change the topic.

I swore I saw him flinch. "Not yet," he said, running his hand through his hair.

I nodded and studied his eyes. I bit the inside of my lip and glanced down to my shoes before speaking once again. "Tell the guys I say 'hi'."

With that, I turned to the front door.

Just as I was about to reach for the handle, I felt Nick's hand fall on my shoulder, stopping me.

I pinched my eyes close and tensed at the touch though I somehow still found it nice.

My head and my heart were both disagreeing with each other at the moment; I wanted him back but at the same time I felt that it would be just a big waste of my time to be with him. I already had wasted two long years on him for nothing, or so it seemed.

I decided to favor with my what my head was telling me and jerked away.

I spun to face Nick only to find him with a confused and hurt expression on his face. "Don't touch me," I said, trying my hardest not to let my voice quiver with emotion.

"Amelia-" he started, his voice containing that pleading element already.

"Y-You're not my boyfriend anymore, Nick. I can't- you can't-" I sighed, frustrated with my loss of words. "You're the one who broke it off," I stated after a moment, feeling tears slowly making their way into my eyes.

I spun back to the door and threw it open before walking up the staircase as calmly as I could.

When I was sure I was out of sight, I ran to John's room and shut myself inside.

Sinking to the carpet, I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. A sigh escaped my lips once again as tears freely fell from my eyes.

Nick was toying with my emotions.

I'd never felt so lost in my life.